Why do I always feel as if I'm unable to find a breakthrough in life... everything's a mess?

Good day, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing in response to your recent query. Best regards,

If it were possible, I would offer you a warm embrace to provide solace.

You are experiencing significant distress as a result of the postgraduate entrance exam.

Two unsuccessful attempts at the entrance exam, and your boyfriend's lack of acceptance.

Your lack of acceptance has led to a significant decline in your self-esteem and overall sense of well-being.

You appear to be experiencing a lack of confidence and a sense of chaos in your personal life.

I am unaware of the duration of your acquaintance with your boyfriend or the nature of your relationship.

Could you please clarify when you first noticed a change in your boyfriend's level of affection and acceptance?

Please clarify what you mean by "accept."

You believe that your boyfriend is no longer accepting of you.

Please clarify whether this is actually occurring with your boyfriend.

Please clarify whether this is still your own projection.

If, however, the behavior in question is that of your boyfriend,

The individual in question has been observed making disparaging and disapproving remarks about you on numerous occasions.

Such behavior may manifest as indifference and lack of concern towards you.

In the workplace, this behavior not only fails to provide support, but it also has a suppressive effect.

If it is your own projection,

In the aftermath of the two failed exams, confidence levels decline.

These intense emotions are projected onto yourself.

The next step is to assess whether your boyfriend's feelings towards you remain unchanged.

In the event that you discover that your partner has neglected you,

You may experience frustration due to a perceived lack of support.

The automatic thinking process would lead you to believe that your boyfriend looks down on you.

I am writing to inform you that I intend to terminate the relationship.

If your academic performance in your formative years was satisfactory,

If your studies have been progressing well, you have developed a high level of self-esteem.

The failure of the two postgraduate entrance examinations has resulted in a significant setback, negatively impacting your self-esteem.

It is therefore possible to link this to your boyfriend and your relationship.

What is the best way to break this pattern?

The first step is to redefine your personal brand.

In the event that taking the postgraduate entrance exam is not a viable option, it would be prudent to consider transferring the center of learning to the workplace.

Furthermore, there are significant differences between you and your boyfriend, as well as numerous variables in this relationship.

Therefore, there are factors that are realistic and have the potential to hinder the relationship.

If you are unable to continue with the plans for marriage, there is no cause for concern.

Your sense of self-worth should not be contingent on the approval of a romantic partner.

The objective is to enhance your quality of life.

Secondly, you should consider reorganising and planning your career once more.

Define a short-term and long-term objective. For the short-term objective:

The next step is to determine how to accomplish these goals in a refined manner.

Thirdly, it is important to consider how to occupy your spare time with activities that are both entertaining and educational.

It is recommended that you endeavor to identify an individual with whom you share similar interests and engage in travel activities together.

For example, reading together.

It is important to note that a woman's independence is a key aspect of her personal charm.

This is the fundamental basis for achieving happiness.

If a woman bases her long-term happiness on a man,

This ultimately leads to a lack of self-determination and autonomy.

It is also important to note that happiness cannot be achieved in this situation.

The above analysis is for informational purposes only. If you require more effective assistance,

You may wish to consider professional counseling as a means of navigating the challenges you are currently facing.

I am here to support you. You can count on my continued support.

Hello!

I'm a mindfulness coach. Learning is a treasure.

From your description, I can feel your confusion, irritability, negativity, anxiety, disappointment, pain, and helplessness.

You're troubled that you can't find a breakthrough. I won't go into detail, but I'll give you three pieces of advice:

First, try to understand yourself and comfort yourself.

It will make you feel better and help you think about what to do next.

You said a lot of things happened after graduation. You failed the postgraduate entrance exam twice, your work was not going well, and this led to conflicts with your boyfriend. You broke up. This has left you confused. In fact, if someone were in your situation, they would probably be just like you. Anyone could become negative and irritable because of all the terrible things that have happened. So you have to try to understand and comfort yourself. See the anxious part of yourself that wants to change now but can't find a breakthrough. This will give you extra mental energy to think about other things. Otherwise, your mind will be filled with negative emotions.

If you accept yourself, you can change your situation. It may sound strange, but it's true.

Secondly, think about your situation rationally.

Rational thinking helps you understand yourself and reality.

To do this, you need to do two things:

You can change the situation.

When you take action, your situation will change.

See your strengths. You have them, and so does everyone. You're not bad at expressing yourself. You're motivated. You have many strengths. Believe in yourself. You're young, and you have time to improve. See the power of time.

Second, know what's most important to you right now.

Your change should start with your reality. Find what you care about most. If you don't know, ask yourself, "If I can't do well at this, I won't survive. This is the most important thing for you to do, and it is also the thing you should spend your energy on.

When you think about your situation rationally, you may feel better.

Focus on yourself and think about how you can feel better.

When you think about it, you may know what to do. Focus on yourself and try your best.

For example, you may decide that the most important thing right now is to do a good job at work. After failing the entrance exam twice, the next exam will not be until next year. You can also become more confident at work. Even if you don't like the job you find, you will still have a job. After investing time and energy, it is very likely to improve your sense of self-efficacy. So doing a good job at work right now may be a breakthrough in your life.

Once you've found this breakthrough, you need to take action. Think about what you don't like about your job. Are you qualified to change jobs? If not, how can you improve your work ability? Read books, learn from others, etc. You can improve your work situation through action.

As your work improves, you'll be more confident and composed. If you don't take the exam, that's fine. Your work is proof of your abilities.

When you find a sense of self-worth at work, you will become confident and courageous. This will help you enter a relationship and improve your life.

Taking action helps you feel better.

I think breaking up is a good thing. You said your boyfriend didn't want to be in a relationship with you after you failed the postgraduate entrance exam twice. It seems like he loved you for your academic qualifications. That's not true love. True love is loving you for who you are.

I hope this helps. Click "Find a coach" at the bottom to talk one-on-one.

Good day, host.

From what you have shared with me, I can sense that you are feeling a bit confused and longing for something more.

You are hoping to find a way to move forward and chart your own course.

[Desire for personal growth

You are welcome to come here and ask for guidance, and you are open to making changes in your life. I believe this could be the start of something new for you.

Perhaps having a heart for change could mean giving yourself another possibility.

[About work]

Work is a lifelong theme, and it offers the opportunity to cultivate interpersonal relationships.

Perhaps this is a place where you can begin to realize your professional and professional value.

It might be worth considering that trying to gain your boyfriend's approval through your work could potentially lead to some challenges in your relationship.

Given the inevitable challenges that arise in our professional lives, it's important to recognize that difficulties may arise at various stages, including around the age of 30, 40, or 50.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider some other options.

It is also worth considering what might happen if you were to encounter a career change at that time and he were not satisfied with you.

[About postgraduate studies]

You have expressed your concerns about your current work situation and have indicated that you may be hesitant to pursue postgraduate studies.

It is worth noting that pursuing a master's degree can bring you qualifications and knowledge, but it also requires a lot of effort.

It is worth noting, however, that in many cases the reason for poor work performance may not be a lack of education or knowledge.

It is not uncommon for career orientation and interpersonal relationships to be out of alignment.

For now, your focus should be on doing a good job at work.

If you have done your job well, your boss will be more likely to support your decision to go to graduate school.

It might be helpful to view taking the postgraduate entrance exam as a new pursuit in life, rather than as a way to avoid the difficulties of work.

[Facing the challenge of loss]

Unfortunately, you may not pass the entrance exam, and your boyfriend may choose to end the relationship.

On a positive note, you still have a job, family, and friends.

It may be helpful to remember that not everything that happens in our lives is something we need to deal with immediately.

[Find your strengths]

For instance, I have a passion for learning, and I was fortunate to gain the knowledge and skills to take college entrance exams and graduate from college. This has equipped me with the ability to learn and grow in the workplace.

As you continue to grow and develop, you will find that your horizons in the workplace and in interpersonal relationships become wider and wider. These new experiences will be a valuable asset that will accompany you on your journey.

My name is Amy, and I hope that you will be able to achieve a personal breakthrough soon.

Hello!

Hug yourself. You're at rock bottom, suffering, troubled, confused, and in pain!

1. Try to calm down and collect yourself.

Failing the postgraduate entrance exam, breaking up with your boyfriend, not doing well at work, feeling like you've missed out on a lot of opportunities – all these are major life events for you. You are in an emotional low, which is normal. Everyone in such a situation will have similar emotions.

The first thing we can do about negative emotions is accept, understand, and be tolerant of them.

The next step is to find a way to release or resolve your emotions. Do something that makes you happy, exercise, or get more sun. Go out into nature, treat yourself, or talk to a family member or friend.

2. Know what you want.

Everyone has different expectations for life. Our inner goals drive our progress. When we feel lost, we need to stop and listen to ourselves.

3. Set goals and make plans.

Once we know what we need, we can set goals. It's good to think about what we can do to achieve our goals and then make a plan.

Life is like a ship at sea. Goals and plans give us direction and motivation.

4. Give yourself positive suggestions to restore your confidence.

When confidence is low, do things that will succeed. This will help you feel confident again. Give yourself positive suggestions because you can control this. No matter what others think, positive suggestions are the best thing you can do to feel better.

5. Be down-to-earth and take it one step at a time.

Being down-to-earth means facing setbacks bravely and abandoning unrealistic fantasies. It also means taking control of what you can control, not relying on others, and relying on your own efforts to get what you want.

I hope Hongyu's reply helps. Thanks for asking!

Dear, I can see you're going through a lot. In today's fast-paced world, it can be challenging to navigate the pressures that come with it. I'm here to offer you a supportive hug and some understanding.

From your description, it seems that your relationship with your boyfriend is a relatively stressful and critical point. Many things, such as the long-distance relationship, the marriage relationship that cannot be promoted, the failure of the postgraduate entrance examination, and even the lack of success at work, all have the shadow of your boyfriend. I can see that your boyfriend may not be fully invested in further developing the relationship into a marriage relationship, and he may not always fully understand or consider your perspective. You have been working hard to study for the postgraduate entrance examination, but he may not fully recognize or appreciate your efforts. This can lead to feelings of frustration and conflict. You have even missed some good job opportunities because of this. The whole situation is really unfortunate. The teacher can also see that you care deeply about your boyfriend and value his opinions and comments. Sometimes you may even prioritize his approval over your own needs. As a result, you have invested a lot in the relationship, but it hasn't led to the outcome you hoped for. In fact, sometimes the more we give, it doesn't necessarily mean we will necessarily get more.

Sometimes, if we accommodate another person's ideas at the expense of our own, it can lead to feelings of being undervalued. This is because the other person may perceive that they have control over our thoughts and actions, even when we try to assert our own needs and desires.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider how long it has been since you last took the time to care for your inner self. It might also be beneficial to reflect on how long it has been since you allowed yourself to feel happy without any worries and did whatever you wanted.

I believe this may be the main reason for your emotional imbalance. It seems that you have been fighting with your true self for too long. I would like to help you, but I can't. I like it, but I can't like it. I think I can, but I'm not sure. He thinks I can't, but I believe in myself. I should believe in his judgment of me. There are so many voices in my head, all of them trying to negate myself. In fact, this kind of conflict is very common among people with various emotional problems. It is also very normal. The reason may come from some deeper reasons, such as the pattern of getting along with family members since childhood. What we can do is use short sentences to analyze your current situation and give you some simple methods to solve the problem. However, it may not fundamentally change some deep-seated problems, such as fundamentally solving the problem of getting along with yourself and others, gradually finding the real self, and firmly doing what you want to do. It may seem very simple, but this is a problem that almost everyone will encounter and need to overcome.

If you're interested in making life easier and more enjoyable, and in navigating any challenges you may face, I'm here to support you on your journey of spiritual growth. I'm always available to offer guidance and companionship.

I hope I've been able to provide some assistance in clarifying matters. Finally, I wish you all the best and hope that your aspirations are fulfilled and that you experience lasting happiness.

Good day, my name is Yun Qing. I appreciate the opportunity to respond to your inquiry and hope that my input will prove beneficial.

I understand your confusion. You have experienced a great deal of change since graduation, and you feel as though you are unable to make progress in your personal and professional life. It seems as though you are facing significant challenges, including unexpected difficulties and delays.

Let's first establish the context of the situation.

1. Failure to pass the entrance exam. 2. Criticism and denial from boyfriend. 3. Long-distance relationship, inability to advance the marriage relationship, boyfriend dissatisfied with you. 4. Arguments over the relationship affect your clarity of analysis when looking for a job. 5. Boyfriend again denies your choice of work.

As a result, you are uncertain about the best way to proceed, what went wrong, and where to focus your efforts to improve the situation.

As can be seen from the entire analysis, from beginning to end, your boyfriend's constant negative actions have had a fundamental impact on you, playing a decisive role at all times and leaving you feeling overwhelmed and losing confidence in yourself.

Originally, you required a reliable source of support to assist you with your academic and professional endeavors. However, you did not anticipate that he would become a poor teammate, failing to provide assistance and causing you undue stress and frustration.

Please explain why you feel so negatively about the situation.

The following aspects can be analyzed:

1. Did you take the exam in accordance with your own career plan, or at your boyfriend's suggestion?

2. What level is he currently at? Has he already successfully taken the postgraduate entrance exam? Are you attempting to achieve a common social status with him, or are you taking the postgraduate entrance exam solely because he desires you to do so?

3. In your relationship with your boyfriend, do you prioritize his needs over your own? Do you consistently comply with his requests and directives?

4. Have you consistently rejected your own identity and perceived yourself as inadequate and inferior to others? Have you persistently struggled to accept your own irrational beliefs?

5. Consider whether your actions in front of your boyfriend reflect a sense of inferiority. Would you feel more at ease if you were in control of the situation?

6. Have you placed an excessive amount of pressure on yourself regarding the postgraduate entrance exam? Have you ever considered the possibility of failure? Have you set an unattainable goal?

As you consider the aforementioned six questions, it may be helpful to identify the underlying cause of your failure. Was it a desire for your boyfriend's approval? Or was it a lack of adequate preparation?

It would be beneficial to take a closer look at your statement. The root cause appears to be that you care too much about your boyfriend's approval of you. This may have a certain impact on your growth experience, causing you to strongly rely on him. However, your inner fear and lack of confidence have led to your unknown concerns about postgraduate entrance exams and finding a job, and this unknown concern has affected your emotions and normal performance.

The objective of this consultation is to identify the best course of action to improve the situation. What steps should be taken?

As a first step, we can begin to adjust our mindset and state of mind.

It is important to recognise that emotional issues often underpin more complex problems. Once these emotional issues are addressed, it is often possible to find solutions that are positive and constructive.

Firstly, the root cause of the issue can be attributed to your boyfriend's accusatory and meticulous approach. Given the interference he is causing, we propose utilising the "cooling-off method" to address the situation.

In other words, the "drying off" method involves maintaining a certain distance and allowing time for reflection. Long-distance relationships present inherent challenges due to the time and distance involved. If his level of love and acceptance for you is to be measured on a scale of 1 to 10, how would it score? He has been making a series of criticisms and accusations, which raises the question of whether there is still a need for your emotional relationship to continue to develop. Based on your experiences over this period of time, can you better judge whether this person can be your lifelong companion?

Is the objective to find a partner with whom one can establish a loving relationship, or to find a partner who already has such a relationship and is willing to commit to it? This is the expectation of every woman.

In any competitive situation, whether it be an exam or a job search, the first thing that is tested is one's attitude. Just as was the case with the college entrance exam many years ago, thousands of people were vying for a chance to cross the single bridge, but only a select few were able to make it to the other side successfully. The majority of individuals were unable to clear the hurdle and had to find alternative means of earning a livelihood.

If we have invested our best efforts in achieving a result and it has not met our expectations, can we identify an alternative course of action?

Or can we learn from this failure and implement the necessary adjustments and changes to revitalize ourselves?

Is the reason why you are unable to make a decision because you undervalue your own capabilities? He is comfortable with his assessment of you, while you are uncertain about how to proceed.

I believe that during this session of awareness and consultation, and through the responses of the different respondents, you may have already formulated a set of solutions and reached a decision.

If you enjoy reading, I would suggest reading the book "Healing Time, You Will Bloom" on our Yixinli Reading Club platform. It teaches you how to enhance your present moment experience by understanding your body...by grasping the meaning of life, etc., so that you are not confused, anxious, or impetuous.

When we can face our own experiences and learn to heal ourselves, we will discover that the only way to overcome a challenging situation is to confront our own vulnerability directly and identify our inner strength, allowing us to learn and grow from the situation.

I hope that tonight's response will prove beneficial to you. The world and I extend our best wishes to you. Good night!

Dear Sir or Madam,

From your description, it is evident that you have experienced a series of unfortunate events. You have encountered difficulties in your pursuit of a postgraduate degree, having failed the entrance examination on two occasions. Additionally, you have faced rejection and discouragement from your romantic partner, which has had a detrimental impact on your academic performance and personal well-being.

Indeed, you demonstrate a remarkable capacity for self-awareness, exhibiting a clear understanding of the underlying causes and consequences of the challenges you currently face. As you have observed, the root of these difficulties can be attributed to a deficit in love.

A lack of self-love inevitably leads to a lack of strength. This concept of love is not merely about the romantic attachment one desires, but rather, it encompasses the self-love that has been consistently neglected. Prioritizing self-love is essential for individuals to gain the courage to confront the doubts and negations of the external world, even when faced with the doubts of a close partner.

It is possible that this relationship is of great importance to you and that you seek his approval as a means of proving your worth. However, is it worthwhile to endure such a relationship with a boyfriend who is openly hostile towards you?

One might inquire whether it is of consequence whether or not he approves. It could be argued that leaving him is something to be grateful for, as the dissolution of the relationship is ultimately his loss, and it is reasonable to conclude that you deserve better.

It can be reasonably deduced that the most efficacious method for resolving these issues is to prioritize self-care, enhance one's self-identity, and then devise a comprehensive life plan.

Firstly, it is recommended that one should provide oneself with more affirmation on a daily basis.

One may utilize a pen to record positive attributes and refute subjective negative perceptions to enhance self-assurance.

Secondly, it is recommended that one attempts to record the positive occurrences that take place in their immediate environment on a daily basis. This practice has been demonstrated to enhance one's capacity to appreciate the nuances of life and perceive joy. Additionally, the advent of spring presents an opportunity to venture outdoors and observe the natural scenery, thereby immersing oneself in the resurgence of vitality.

As an alternative, one might consider cultivating some hobbies.

Hobbies such as calligraphy, painting, flower arrangement, and dancing can be beneficial in alleviating suffering and helping individuals to reaffirm their sense of self-worth.

It is of the utmost importance to take care of your body and engage in regular aerobic exercise. A growing body of evidence suggests that the body and the mind are closely interrelated. A healthy and energetic body can also foster a positive state of mind. Conversely, physical health is of paramount importance.

Those interested may wish to engage in mindfulness exercises. Mindfulness can be defined as a state of living in the present moment, being mindful, and using the heart to observe and feel what is happening in the present. Over the long term, it has been demonstrated to effectively improve our ability to be aware and perceive happiness, while simultaneously reducing a considerable amount of unnecessary anxiety.

It can be reasonably assumed that when an individual takes care of themselves, gradually enriches their heart, gains a clear understanding of themselves, and accepts their limitations, they will no longer fear the negativity and criticism of others. This should enable them to move forward with determination towards their heart's desires, and the problems of the moment should be resolved naturally. It may also be the case that they will reap the rewards of a better love.

The following represents a synthesis of my thoughts on the matter. It is my hope that they will prove useful.

Dear Sir/Madam, It appears that your confusion may be due to an erroneous attribution.

Firstly, it is important to consider the postgraduate entrance examination. As a second-time candidate, it is crucial to understand that the outcome is not necessarily indicative of one's abilities. If pursuing postgraduate studies is a pressing necessity, it is advisable to seek professional guidance and dedicate one's utmost effort.

If the necessity is not imminent, there is no disgrace in relinquishing the pursuit. It is unclear which category you fall into and whether you are investing all your energy in preparing for the examination.

The process of learning can be divided into three stages. Initially, it is essential to identify a clear objective. This objective should be specific and measurable, and it should align with one's personal goals. Secondly, motivation and a willingness to exert effort are crucial factors.

If the objective is not one's own, there is essentially no motivation to persevere. Third, the presence of a strategy and method, in addition to motivation, does not ensure success. The attainment of favorable outcomes is contingent upon the adherence to appropriate methods and strategies.

Furthermore, geographical distance represents a significant challenge in a romantic partnership. However, if the relationship is sufficiently robust, it should be possible to overcome this obstacle.

If one party relocates to the other's residence, or alternatively, to a third city that is mutually agreeable, they can establish a base of operations between the two locations, facilitating communication and fostering mutual understanding. What, then, are the underlying factors impeding the advancement of this relationship?

It is imperative to engage in a process of careful reflection. Attributing the situation to a lack of personal adequacy is an inadequate response.

The question of suitability between two individuals is not contingent on personal merit.

Thirdly, there is the matter of employment. Why should the quality of one's work be evaluated based on the approval of one's romantic partner?

One might posit that normal logic should be based on the approval of leaders, colleagues, and customers.

There is a theory in psychology about emotional buttons. It may be of interest to examine this theory in more detail. It would appear that, at the present time, the remote control that activates your emotional buttons is in your boyfriend's hands. He is therefore able to decide what emotions you have, and a happy life would seem to depend on your ability to take control of these emotions.

The combination of self-esteem, self-reliance, self-sufficiency, and self-confidence is a powerful force. Individuals who have experienced setbacks in their pursuit of academic excellence have already demonstrated their resilience and determination. It is crucial to maintain confidence and embrace the opportunity to confront genuine challenges.

I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

It might be helpful to hug the host. It's understandable that it's been a challenging journey. It can feel like life is unfolding in a difficult way, and it's natural to feel uncertain. It's important to remember that everyone, regardless of who they are, can experience setbacks and challenges. It's okay to feel a loss of confidence in oneself. However, it's also important to recognize that

We have the option of choosing to be discouraged or to believe in ourselves. I believe that if we choose to believe in ourselves, things will improve.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful.

It may be helpful to consider using reasonable ways to release your emotions.

1. It may be helpful to consider socializing with friends who can provide support and encouragement, and who you feel comfortable with.

2. Consider engaging in physical activity that you enjoy, which can help you relax your body and mind.

3. Writing therapy: You might find it helpful to write down all your inner feelings and thoughts on paper. There's no need to worry about whether your handwriting is clear and neat, or about the logic of the content. You can just express your feelings as much as you like.

4. One possible method for releasing anger is to punch pillows or sandbags, which provides a physical outlet for frustration.

5. You might find it helpful to use the empty chair technique to release emotions. In a room, place an empty chair, assuming that the person you want to talk to is sitting in the chair. Then you can express yourself to the chair (anger, abuse are fine).

5. Consider using the empty chair technique to release emotions. In a room, place an empty chair, assuming that the person you want to talk to is sitting in the chair. You can then express yourself to the chair (anger, abuse are fine).

2. We hope that by following these steps, you will be able to rebuild your inner self-confidence and sense of security.

2. We hope that by following these steps, you will be able to rebuild your inner self-confidence and sense of security.

Perhaps the first step would be to accept yourself. It might be helpful to accept your character and your imperfections, and to recognize both your shortcomings and your strengths and values.

One possible way to become more confident is to accept yourself.

It is important to understand that accepting yourself can be challenging, but it is a skill that can be developed with practice. When your inner voice is critical, it is helpful to continue practicing self-acceptance. It is valuable to recognize that we all have strengths and weaknesses, and that we can utilize our strengths to live a fulfilling life despite our shortcomings.

When you accept yourself, you can live with your flaws, and you may find that you feel increasingly relaxed and empowered.

It is important to remember that many people are imperfect, yet still manage to live fulfilling lives despite their shortcomings. It is essential to embrace your complete, authentic self, accept your imperfections, and strive for a comfortable and fulfilling life.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to take the time to recognize your own merits and value, and to engage in positive self-talk on a regular basis.

The Pygmalion effect suggests that expectations can influence outcomes. While it's not always possible to get what we want, having a clear idea of what we want can help us achieve it.

If you expect something with confidence and really believe that things will go well, then it is likely that they will really go well. Conversely, if you believe that things are constantly being hindered, then these hindrances may arise.

It would be beneficial to consider the value of positive beliefs. When we have positive beliefs and attitudes, when we are in a state of confidence, and when we believe that good things will happen, maintaining this positive expectation could be beneficial.

It is often the case that positive beliefs lead to positive behavior, which in turn often leads to positive results.

If we expect ourselves to be a certain way, we will continue to work towards that goal, and eventually, we will become that person. However, if we keep thinking that we are not good enough, that we cannot do it, then we may find ourselves stuck in a certain place.

It might be helpful to remind yourself that you can find the right job, have a good relationship, and live the life you want.

It would be beneficial to understand that self-affirmation and self-support are key to developing confidence.

When something is missing inside us, we may tend to seek it outside. However, it's important to recognize that everything outside is, to some extent, unstable and beyond our control. The good news is that we can always control ourselves and our own actions and thoughts.

It might be helpful to consider that our need for external recognition could indicate that we could benefit from approving of and encouraging ourselves more. When we do so, we may find that we are less concerned with the approval and evaluation of others.

And when you accept and approve of yourself, you may find that others will also increasingly recognize and believe in you, because you will exude your own charm and confidence.

For this reason, you are the source of everything. By changing yourself, you can change your world.

It would be beneficial for us to also focus on developing our self-confidence and sense of security, as well as striving to enhance our abilities and knowledge.

It is often said that confidence comes from strength and hard work. Many believe that when we become someone we recognize through our own efforts, we will become more and more confident and feel more and more secure.

You may wish to consider setting yourself appropriate goals and then achieving them one step at a time. By achieving your goals over and over again, your abilities may gradually improve, your knowledge may accumulate, and your experience may become richer and richer. You may feel more and more secure, have a greater sense of control over your life, and naturally become more and more confident.

It is often said that the most appropriate goals are those of medium difficulty. These are the goals that we can reach by standing on our tiptoes. If the goal is too small, we may feel unchallenged and become bored. This could result in us not bothering to achieve it. If the goal is too big, we may feel too much resistance and lack the confidence to achieve it. Goals of medium difficulty are the ones that can best stimulate our motivation. When we work hard to achieve these goals, we may feel a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence.

For instance, if your current walking level is 4,000 steps per day, you might consider setting your daily goal at 4,500-5,000 steps, rather than less than 4,000 steps or as high as 10,000 steps.

It is important to persist in your actions when you set goals that are suitable for you according to your abilities. Only actions can help you overcome difficulties and truly experience your own value.

If I may suggest, it would be beneficial to continue encouraging yourself, providing positive mental suggestions, and maintaining the belief that you can achieve your goals.

I wish you the best of luck and send my best wishes!

Hello, questioner!

I'm really grateful to have met you on the Yi Xinli platform!

I'd like to thank the author for being so self-aware and bringing up such an important topic for reflection and awareness.

"Why do I always feel like I can't make any progress in life? Everything's a mess."

This shows that the questioner has already started taking responsibility for their own lives. I'd also like to share my thoughts and ideas for the questioner's reference. Hopefully, you can get out of the "mess" as soon as possible and welcome the "sunny days" that are yours as soon as possible.

Let's start by taking a look at the situation the questioner is describing and then try to understand it better by looking at the six aspects they've highlighted.

After graduation, a lot has happened.

For instance, I didn't pass the postgraduate entrance exam the second time around, I'm in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend, and I haven't been able to take the relationship to the next level. I'm not satisfied with my job. These things are all connected.

In fact, similar situations are very common for recent graduates in reality, and the questioner is not alone! There are external factors and there are internal factors. We cannot say that it is "a complete mess" without any exceptions. At least, we have learned and experienced from many experiences that we can avoid "repetition of past mistakes". This is also a gain!

1. I didn't pass the second exam, and my boyfriend said he wasn't interested in taking the relationship further.

It seems like your boyfriend doesn't want to take the relationship further. Have you ever considered what aspects of you he really loves? Or does he have to marry someone who is a "graduate student"?

Does your boyfriend think that postgraduate study is the only way forward for you? Could there be other options that are more suitable for you?

...What are your thoughts on this?

2. My boyfriend is constantly rejecting me because he's not happy with my work, and I'm starting to feel insecure.

We all want to be accepted, encouraged, and affirmed, especially by those closest to us. Is the boyfriend's "dissatisfaction" a form of "suppression/denial/exacerbation" of the questioner's "failure in the second war"? Is the "lack of confidence" that comes from being hit by others temporary, or does it become the courage and strength for the questioner to "fight back"?

3. I'm starting to lose confidence, and I'm hesitant to go to graduate school. I'm also becoming increasingly dissatisfied with my work.

Maybe we can take a step back and think this through. Is taking the postgraduate entrance exam really what the questioner wants to do? Are there other options that the questioner is more interested in and better at?

4. I've been putting in the work to improve my performance and gain my boyfriend's approval, but he's becoming increasingly dissatisfied and negating my choice of work.

– The questioner has been working hard just to get her boyfriend's approval. What kind of work would make him satisfied?

It's not just about denying choices, but also about affirming choices. Don't you think this is the right attitude for a mature person?

5. Because we're denying and feeling pressured, our contradictions are growing, and we're breaking up.

The questioner is feeling the pressure and is struggling to see a way to make her boyfriend happy. Before trying to make others happy, it might be helpful for the questioner to focus on being happy with what she has done and achieved.

Of course, if you want to make someone else happy, you've got to be happy with yourself first. Otherwise, there'll always be a conflict between you two.

6. I've missed out on a lot of chances to choose my own work, and I've also lost confidence.

It seems like the questioner has been trying to please her boyfriend by making choices that don't align with her true self. This has led to a situation where she's living for her boyfriend and has lost sight of her own needs and desires. As an independent individual, she has the right to make her own choices, regain her confidence, and live her life on her own terms. Secondly, she should use her charm to attract people who love her for who she is. Otherwise, we risk becoming what others expect.

Right now, I feel like my life is a mess, and I don't know where to start. What went wrong? Where should I start to make my life better?

The questioner feels like his life is a mess after successive failures. This might be the turning point where he realizes "the opposite is true."

How do you get your life back on track? Start by being true to yourself. Think clearly about what you've done before. Is this the life you want? If not, but you're living for others, stop. Re-think your goals. Get back to the life you want!

From what I can see, the problem is that the questioner isn't clear on what he wants and isn't able to recognize his own needs and demands.

Should we just let others make all the decisions for us? What if we followed our own "blueprint" for life? Could we see our own "vision" then?

If you want to change your destiny, start over and learn from your mistakes! Start by loving yourself, following your heart's desires, following your life plan, and taking back your right to choose. Start living for yourself now!

If you're in a situation like the original poster, you might want to try starting over like this:

First, accept all your past experiences and turn those "painful/failed" experiences into stepping stones for your new start.

1. Nobody's born with an easy life. Becoming your true self means paying a price. You've probably made mistakes in choosing a job, a partner, a career path, and studying for exams. Every aspect is a "sub-topic" of our lives. It's the inevitable law of development, and we all have to pass it.

2. In fact, everyone's growth is the result of rising above past challenges. For the questioner, all the experiences she had before have their own value. One by one, identify the root cause of failure. For example, did you really want to take the postgraduate entrance exam? Have you made another choice after failure? Combine your own areas of expertise, and explore other options.

3. Get to the root of why you lack confidence. Is it just the pressure/dissatisfaction of your boyfriend? Find a choice that makes you happy and satisfied first.

And what do your family members think of your choice, apart from your boyfriend? Are they supportive, positive, and accepting?

Second, take a deep breath, figure out what you want your life to look like, start fresh, and gradually get your confidence back. Learn to love yourself, face your fears, and tackle challenges head-on, whether it's in your personal life, career, or relationships.

1. The character traits we "acquire" from our primary caregivers, such as being confident, aren't always accepted, encouraged, or affirmed. Instead, they're suppressed, disapproved of, or blamed. Over time, our confidence is depleted, and when internal conflicts continue to mount, our failures follow.

2. Face your failures head-on, get your confidence back, avoid people who drain you, follow your heart, and start with small things you can control, like starting each day by doing three small things you can "be sure" of. Map out your life plan and fulfill it step by step. In the end, we're responsible for our own lives.

3. Start learning how to love yourself. It's easier said than done.

There's a book called "When You Start Loving Yourself, the Whole World Will Love You Back." It's true that we can only love others if we love ourselves. And we can only love ourselves if we know how to do it. Otherwise, how can we expect to win the love of others?

Also, loving yourself is a skill that everyone should learn. I recommend reading "Love Yourself Back." When we love ourselves, we can attract the love of others with our own charm.

4. Learn to plan your life well because everyone is an independent individual with their own personality, traits, interests, hobbies, and areas of expertise. Only you know which area you're most suited to. When you know your "soft/hard power," you can maximize each person's effectiveness.

In short, this is how I understand the question and my response to it. I hope it'll be helpful. I hope the questioner can face failure, learn from it, face the pain, face challenges head-on, and find their true selves again. Believe your future isn't a dream. Be brave and be yourself! I'm rooting for you!

Best, [Name]

I'm a person of one heart, and I love the world and you. ?

Hello, host! After reading your description, I thought of three words: vicious cycle.

Failing the postgraduate entrance exam is a pretty big setback for you. You were hoping for comfort and encouragement from your boyfriend, but instead you got a lot of negativity! He dismissed your choices, your work, and made you increasingly insecure. It also caused you to have trouble at work and you were in a mess. You might be wondering, "Am I really that bad?"

Think about whether this is a vicious cycle. I really feel for you and want to give you a hug.

Why do you let other people's opinions affect you so much? You're already great, so why not love yourself a bit more?

First of all, you should be proud of yourself for being willing to retake the exam twice. Even though you didn't pass, you gained a lot from the experience, and it was really inspiring to see your boyfriend's humanity.

Maybe this is a good thing. It might even be a waste of more time if you discover this side of him later on.

Second, you should love someone who motivates you, not someone who always tires you out. Even though emotions are beyond human control, you should still be a little more sensible. I especially like a poem by Roy Croft: "I love you, not only because of the way you look, but also because of the way I look when I'm with you."

Take a moment to reflect on these words.

What can bring you down after experiencing a series of setbacks? Apart from taking the postgraduate entrance exam, can't you do other things?

What else do you enjoy doing? When was the last time you did that?

I think you should reconsider. The internet is so well-developed that I recommend you read the book "The Weakness of Human Nature." It might have the answer you're looking for.

Finally, think about how you can change your current situation. For example, you could exercise, dress up, listen to books, learn more about psychology, take marriage and family courses, etc. You could also watch more positive energy videos. Don't you feel like there's still a lot to learn?

When you become a better version of yourself, you'll naturally meet someone who is a good match for you! Best of luck!