Why do I always struggle to change my sadness over trivial matters?

Greetings, dear friend from afar!

From what you've shared, I can appreciate the challenges you're facing. I'm sending you a supportive hug from afar!

Dear friend, I'm wondering if you might be upset about some minor issues. Could you tell me more about what those issues are?

If we have invested a great deal of effort into trying to fit in with these seemingly inconsequential matters, yet still do not receive the attention we desire,

In this case, it might be helpful to take some time for self-reflection. You could also talk to a few close friends and ask for their feedback on your interpersonal skills. Is it something you feel you can work on gradually?

You might consider starting with the easiest person to get along with. When he's chatting with everyone, you can join in the conversation too. Blending in with the group could help you find something in common with everyone, and you might receive a response to many things! You could also expand your circle of friends by taking an interest class and meeting a group of like-minded friends.

If there are some minor personality issues that are challenging to address, it might be helpful to accept your own character.

It is important to remember that you should always love yourself. Internal conflict can often lead to self-defeating behaviors. It is generally acceptable to participate in activities or not, based on your personal preferences.

It's perfectly fine to be yourself, there's no need to hold back.

It's okay to do what you think is right, even if it means going back to ask for attention. After all, no one really knows what's going on!

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that in order to gain the approval of others, it is first necessary to approve of yourself.

It seems like you place a lot of importance on what others think. It's understandable to care about how you're perceived, but it's also important to remember that everyone is an individual with their own thoughts and feelings.

Perhaps it would be helpful to look at things more lightly. When you look at a group photo, it's natural to notice yourself first.

It's important to remember that other people are similar to us, so we don't have to think too highly of ourselves. We can all do our part, be friendly, and generous. It's not worth living your life constantly worrying about what other people think and approve of you.

Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that we are living for ourselves, not for the existence of others.

If you post updates to your friends, what kind of content do you post? It might be worth considering that negative content may initially gain the sympathy of some people, but if you post it too much, people may feel that you are more sentimental.

It might be best to limit the sharing of certain things with everyone. Similarly, it's probably not necessary to share everything that brings you joy.

We are all adults, and only people in the same situation can empathize. Otherwise, it might come across as whining. Travel experiences and happiness can still be posted.

I believe that updating your friends less frequently is an indicator of maturity. If circumstances require it, it is important to accept this change.

I've found that posting in Moments isn't as frequent as it used to be. Life has a way of throwing us curveballs, and it's important to recognize that.

You might consider going with the flow, or perhaps swimming against it.

If you have the opportunity, you might consider using your free time to learn more about things that interest you and focus on improving your skills. If you become an expert in a certain field, you may find that people are more likely to pay attention to your every word and action.

In short, it is important to embrace the present and the here and now, regardless of whether the circumstances are positive or negative.

If circumstances permit, it may be beneficial to seek out a compatible partner. It is important to recognize that we are with ourselves for a lifetime, and that our partner can also play a role in our lives. In order to receive love from others, it is essential to love and value oneself first.

It can be challenging to find a true friend in real life. One way to connect with like-minded individuals is through books. Stay strong and keep striving!

Hello, questioner! You started off with a false pretense, and even like some of the people who gave you a thumbs-up!

I've read your question and most of the answers, and I'm excited to offer another way of thinking about the problem!

You find that you are unhappy about trivial matters, and you think it is wrong. But you should not care! You should be happy! This is a positive suggestion you have made, and it will have a wonderful effect. It will be like drinking a refreshing glass of water to quench your thirst!

Let's put it another way: the one who is unhappy is an unhappy self, and the other self wants you to be happy!

So, what can you do when you come across someone who is feeling down? Do you try to give them a boost by sharing some positive energy?

You are wrong to do so. Don't care about them, you should be happy?

You should definitely still tell her that it is totally normal to feel unhappy about these things, that you totally understand her, that she totally expects to be seen and understood by her friends, and that you give her a hug, sweetheart!

I really hope you can understand me putting it this way!

But I want to say that because sulking over trivial matters is also the real you, you need to see this state and accept it. You are being too demanding of her, and you can do better!

I really hope that next time you are unhappy, you will give yourself a big hug and say, "I'm sorry, I'm being too demanding on you. You're absolutely wonderful, I love you so much!"

I'm sending you my best regards from above!

Good day, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to inquire about a matter that may require some clarification. Kindly let me know if this is the appropriate channel to reach out to you. Best regards,

From your description, I can see that you are a perceptive individual with a proactive approach to problem-solving. You can discern your own internal needs through subtle cues, which is an excellent ability.

There are numerous methods for fulfilling needs.

Our needs must be seen and met, but there are numerous ways to do so. The fact that you posted on your WeChat Moment and expected a response demonstrates your need for recognition.

If you receive few responses from your contacts on WeChat Moments and find it challenging to meet your recognition needs, what other avenues might you explore?

I have provided some suggestions for your consideration. Please let me know if they are helpful.

It may be beneficial to consider sharing on a different social media platform.

Secondly, it would be advisable to take the initiative to share with like-minded colleagues and to solicit their feedback.

It would be advisable to share with close friends or family members, as this may result in a higher probability of gaining recognition.

Additionally, sharing more high-quality and valuable content can also effectively improve the degree of recognition from others.

The aforementioned methods can assist in gaining the approval of others. However, it is essential to consider whether we also approve of ourselves.

It is important to recognise both external and internal forms of recognition.

It is unclear which aspect of the question is being addressed. If it is a subjective matter pertaining to feelings, the probability of gaining recognition will be relatively low. Conversely, sharing something more positive will have a relatively higher probability of gaining recognition.

Engaging in activities that elicit positive emotions can also be an effective strategy for enhancing self-acceptance. It is important to closely monitor your internal state when you are fully engaged in an activity.

Are you feeling happy? Pleasurable?

Affirming these feelings will effectively improve our sense of satisfaction and self-confidence as the number of instances increases. At this time, sharing this information will be beneficial.

In comparison to the recognition we receive from others, our own recognition of ourselves provides a more stable sense of strength.

If we consider our inner energy to be contained in a container, it is possible that past experiences have resulted in a significant accumulation of negative energy. Engaging in activities that are happy, meaningful, and enjoyable can be likened to the process of pouring positive energy into this container.

In regard to the negative emotions, it is essential to identify the underlying issues. There is a strong possibility that these emotions are driven by unmet deep-seated needs and that the current methods of satisfying those needs are ineffective.

I have a series of other questions for you. I suggest that you seek professional psychological counseling if possible. If not, I highly recommend that you read and study the book Parenting Your Inner Child, which I have recently been studying.

I apologize for the lack of content in this message. I am currently unable to devote my attention to writing. However, I would like to express my gratitude for your interest in my work.

Hello!

Hug you. If kids can gather and explore their sensitivity and vulnerability, they can relax and feel warm.

In real life, we lack people to talk to, so we don't know what it's like to feel psychological pain. How can we understand it and how can we deal with it?

There's a saying, "friends with likes." What they like may not be you, but a moment of "empathy." We crave this recognition because we have difficulty perceiving our emotions and needs. Our hearts lack patience and security, and we want recognition from others, but this doesn't help us solve our problems.

The real problem is that we are unaware of our inner conflict, sensitivity, and vulnerability. We lack inner strength to cope with it.

How can I stop worrying about this?

Take responsibility for your emotions.

I bought two books: one about being yourself and the other about not worrying about small things. They're like psychology because I can read them quickly and they're easy to understand. I still have to practice, but I'm learning to take responsibility for my emotions, so I'm becoming more objective.

If you post a picture of a delicious meal and no one likes it, you might blame and regret it. But now I've changed my mindset. I only post pictures when I'm in a good mood. And those genuine likes don't make a splash because they're just part of the process of pursuing an essential life.

Don't make small problems seem big. Look at what they really mean.

Children cry when they don't get what they want, but adults don't get to act like children. When they show their emotions, it's because they can't handle them. They calm down and think about the problem.

Did you not get praise and recognition?

Do you appreciate what it means to you?

A friend of mine is a big shot. Someone once asked him if he didn't care about other people's comments.

He replied, "What do you care? Inferior people?"

Are you still worried about people who seem to be doing better than you?

Improve and grow.

The problem is not what's stopping us, but how it seems big and difficult right now. Once it's over, we'll laugh at it, thinking, "You really took it seriously." We'll feel a sense of growth and relief. One small problem at a time, we haven't seen the trouble it brings. Next time, when we feel uncomfortable and can't feel recognized, we'll tell ourselves, "Don't be discouraged. Don't deny yourself when you encounter a difficulty. Be confident."

Next time you feel uncomfortable and don't feel recognized, tell yourself, "Be confident, even if it's blind confidence."

You're great. Don't be afraid.

Greetings,

The host then proceeded to inquire about the nature of the feelings experienced when others express agreement with one's statements.

I am Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. After a thorough reading of the post, I initially empathize with the poster's distress.

Additionally, the poster has demonstrated courage in expressing that he has confronted his inner self and sought assistance on the platform. This will undoubtedly facilitate the poster's comprehension and recognition of himself, enabling him to adapt and attain greater happiness.

Subsequently, I will present my observations and thoughts on the post, which may assist the poster in viewing themselves from a more diverse perspective.

1. Investigate the emotional responses elicited when others express agreement with one's own views.

It has been observed in posts that the poster will experience feelings of unrecognition when they post to their circle of friends and do not receive likes from others. These feelings may even manifest as self-negation, leading the individual to believe that they are not worthy of recognition. Additionally, they may engage in negative self-reflection, contemplating other negative emotions. Now, let us examine these observations in greater depth.

In the event that an individual's post within their own social circle is positively acknowledged through a comment of appreciation, what emotions are typically experienced in that moment?

To be recognized is a positive phenomenon. However, it is possible to delve deeper to ascertain the full range of associated emotions.

For example, the act of being liked and accepted by another person can evoke feelings of love and belonging.

As a result of this process, individuals may come to perceive themselves as having intrinsic value. Furthermore, this exploration can assist in identifying more profound needs.

2. Attempt to examine one's growth experiences from the vantage point of adulthood.

A review of one's developmental experiences can facilitate a deeper understanding of the self. The current self is inextricably linked to the nurturing environment encountered during early years.

One may consider examining one's experiences to ascertain the underlying reasons for the desire for external approval. It would be beneficial to determine whether this same desire manifested in one's early environments.

It is possible to gain insight into one's own development by reflecting on the experiences of childhood and adolescence. By examining these experiences from an adult perspective, it may be possible to identify any unreasonable aspects of one's upbringing and beliefs.

If such a situation exists, what would be a more beneficial approach to parenting? It is possible to modify one's parenting style and even undergo a process of re-parenting oneself in a more constructive manner. This can facilitate personal growth and development.

3. Investigate methods of meeting our needs.

From a psychological perspective, there are numerous avenues for fulfilling our own needs. However, there are typically two primary avenues: seeking fulfillment from external sources and satisfying our own needs. Of these two avenues, the first may be particularly challenging to control.

Given the inherent uncontrollability of external relationships, it is not possible to exert control over others.

However, it is important to note that there are factors within our control. One such factor is our own behaviour and actions.

In the event that others are unable to meet our needs, it is imperative that we learn to satisfy our own needs. Similarly, if we desire recognition from others, it is essential that we recognize ourselves.

The approval of others is necessary for the individual to recognize their own existence; however, they are also capable of perceiving their own existence and developing an internal evaluation system.

The desire for love is a fundamental human need that extends to encompass self-love. When individuals learn to satisfy their own needs, they gain the capacity to take the initiative in shaping their lives.

It is only when deficiencies have been filled that the seeking of external approval can cease. When self-satisfaction is found within, the need for it outside of oneself is negated.

4. Self-acceptance

The process of self-acceptance is an ongoing endeavor that requires consistent effort throughout one's lifetime. The more individuals are able to embrace their true selves, the more they can overcome the obstacles of self-negation and self-doubt.

Furthermore, the cessation of self-denial will allow for a reduction in internal conflict, thereby providing individuals with increased energy and time to engage in self-improvement and address aspects of their lives that are within their control. In the absence of self-acceptance, individuals may perpetuate a cycle of self-hatred.

The act of denying oneself perpetuates a cycle of internal conflict, impeding one's ability to break free from it. It is, therefore, imperative to cultivate the ability to accept oneself fully, embrace one's authentic self, acknowledge one's current state, and direct one's energy towards the aspects of oneself that can be modified. This approach facilitates continuous growth, fulfillment, and the development of a more enhanced version of oneself.

It is my hope that these words have been of some assistance and inspiration to you. Should you have any questions, you are invited to click to find a coach for a more in-depth exploration.

To gain insight into the soul, sharing has become a habit! I'm talking to myself.

Reading between the lines of your words, I'm reminded of myself 10 years ago.

This kind of genuine feeling is familiar.

My personal experience has taught me that if you want to change your current situation, you can try to comfort yourself, listen to other people's stories (including what I'm going to tell you today), or try your best to change yourself quickly.

I have to tell you, based on my own experience, it doesn't work.

You might say, "This is a waste of time. What's the point?"

I just want to share a quick story about myself based on my own experiences. Hopefully, it'll provide a little inspiration to some people. I don't want anything from anyone else!

I remember that at the time, every time I posted a circle of friends, I would agonize for a long time.

and scroll through it constantly

I'd check to see who had liked my posts. If someone I thought should have liked my posts didn't, I'd start to doubt myself.

Ten years have passed, and when I look back on this incident and think about myself at that time

I feel so ridiculous! I even wonder if the person I was 10 years ago was really me.

I thought I'd take today's topic as an excuse to reflect on myself.

1. What makes you live in someone else's world?

2. Why do I crave so much recognition from others?

3. Are you looking to pay attention to others, or do you want to get their attention?

The three questions all point to one thing: an empty heart!

I'd just been promoted by the company, and it was a new position. There was no reference, and no experience to follow. I had to explore it a little bit at a time. No one told me what to do, and there was no precedent for me to follow to see if I was going in the right direction.

I may look extremely glamorous on the outside, but on the inside, I feel utterly empty.

So even if I achieve a little success or get something done, I can't wait to tell everyone about it through various channels. I want to share what I've done with others right away. I think it's a good thing. At this time, I really want to see how I look in other people's eyes. So whenever I post something in my circle of friends, I pay special attention to other people's approval and praise.

But when you look back after 10 years, the sense of urgency you felt back then and the recognition and praise you received from others may seem like an illusion today. What others gave you wasn't a sincere gift, but recognition with some kind of benefit or intentionality.

This is exactly what I said to the original poster at the beginning: no matter who tells you how useful their experiences and insights are, they won't have a qualitative effect on you in the short term, because you need to walk the path yourself. All changes require time and the accumulation and accumulation of experience before they can be effective. Everyone is ordinary, and no one has such a powerful force that they can rely on a few principles to instantly transform a person.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't have this ability myself.

I feel the same way. In my opinion, there aren't any people in this world who can experience the feelings of others without experiencing the same events.

I think I've made my point pretty clear by now.

I really hope the questioner can recognize the present and live in the moment, because the present is the most real life you can have.

In terms of what you encounter in real life, you should experience it all.

I hope you have a bright future ahead. In 10 years, when you look back on this question, you'll have your own perspective.

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can tell you're really aware of the situation and have been reflecting on it. I can also tell you've been trying to improve things in the past. It's great that you're facing the situation head-on and actively seeking answers.

From the questioner's description, it's clear that they want to be noticed and seen because of the likes in their circle of friends. And you're absolutely right about this! Most people will check their circle of friends after posting to see if there are any likes or comments. I also have this problem, so I know it's not just a problem for you.

I can see that the questioner has made an effort in the past, and will try to comfort themselves and distract themselves. But when they post to their Moments again, they will feel this sense of loss again. And that's OK!

Then I would like the questioner to take a moment to think about when they first felt this sense of being needed. It would be great to know when they didn't feel it as well!

When you don't feel this way, what do you do?

Then, I would love to ask the questioner to think about how they communicate with their family. Generally, the need to be noticed and seen is a lack of security, stemming from being ignored and not being taken seriously at home. Of course, there is also the feeling of being focused on by family members and needing attention outside as well. I'm excited to find out which situation the questioner is in!

If the questioner's confusion is resolved, what kind of feeling will you have? I'm excited to hear about the efforts you've made to resolve it!

Who will be the first to notice your change?

I don't know the specifics of your situation, but I've got some ideas that I'm excited to share! I'm confident that these will help you feel better.

And be excellent at finding the beauty and fun in life!

Some people have an uneventful life, some have a glamorous life, some have a miserable life, and some have a passionate life... It's not that there's something wrong with life itself, but whether we can see the beauty and interesting points in life. Vision determines the height of life, and perspective determines the direction of life. If you change the direction to look at the people and scenery around you, and go somewhere else to change your mood, you will discover that life is actually really multifaceted—and it's absolutely amazing!

It's important to remember that everyone is more or less insecure, but there's nothing wrong with that!

This may stem from an unhappy family environment, the people and events encountered during growth, or the uncertainty of the future due to the turbulence in the wider social environment. You see someone else's confident, sunny, positive side, but that is only part of the picture—and it's a great part!

On the other hand, he also has a self-deprecating, weak, and negative side. When faced with sudden situations or major setbacks, he can also instantly collapse and be at a loss for what to do, and this side of him is often not shown in public.

Let's accept ourselves and focus on ourselves!

First, when we have negative thoughts and emotions, accept them and say to them, "I know, I'll deal with it later, now I need to focus on finishing this first." And most importantly, learn to affirm yourself and your past efforts, even if they did not meet expectations. It is on this premise that we can regain our motivation, and it's an exciting process!

We can and should instill the idea in ourselves often: "Today, I am already the best I can be!" We can pay attention to ourselves,

And finally, if you need a little extra help, there are plenty of professionals out there who can provide the support you need!

If you don't know how to relieve stress, don't worry! You can easily find help from a professional counselor. They can provide you with the necessary psychological counseling and help you rebuild a positive attitude.

And there's more! You can adjust your state of mind through exercise and yoga.

There are so many ways to relieve mental and physical tension! Try yoga, aerobic running, or walking. These activities can help you feel more relaxed and energized. Another great way to relieve stress is to confide in someone. Find a good listener and turn your internal thoughts and feelings into external words. This can be a powerful way to release all that built-up stress! Mindfulness meditation is another fantastic technique. It allows you to empty your mind and reflect on your thoughts and emotions. This can help you understand yourself better and clear away any negative feelings. When you're feeling anxious, mindfulness meditation can help you calm down and feel more at ease.

There is so much beauty in life, and while there are challenges, you are not alone in this!

From the small loneliness and depression to the heavy pressure, pain, and anger. And then to the physical and mental wounds that feel like a strong thunder, we must all admit that we have no choice but to make a living. But guess what? We can do this!

But the great news is that we can adjust our state of mind, integrate our resources and strengths, and strengthen our inner selves!

This is why it's so important for us to create a separate space for ourselves, a quiet space. A stable and safe space where we can cultivate our inner selves, soothe our wounded selves, and give ourselves the greatest support.

No matter what problems you encounter, don't give up and don't be afraid! I will always be by your side, cheering you on and supporting you every step of the way!

Come on! You can do it!

Hello, I appreciate that you're willing to share your thoughts and experiences. It takes courage to ask for advice on a platform when you're open to improvement.

Once you've posted to your friends, check to see if you've received any likes. I think you're not the only one who feels this way, and it's likely that others are in the same situation. However, it's unclear whether or not other people are bothered by it. At least you feel that it's a kind of disturbance.

On a smaller scale, the desire to be recognized by others is, in my opinion, a driving force, whether it's posting on WeChat Moments or anything else. Being recognized makes you more and more motivated, which shows that you are being noticed and valued, which is also quite nice.

On a larger scale, if you're constantly seeking recognition from others, you may experience the nervousness and anxiety you mentioned. Sometimes you may feel conflicted, so you do things yourself without seeking approval. But deep down, you still believe that things are only done well if they're approved. Over time, this may lead to things getting worse and worse.

How can you handle this situation? From my perspective, it seems like there might be some family dynamics at play. How your family treats you or your own personality as you grow up—is it that your family only approves if you do well, and if you don't do well, your family won't approve?

Or is there something about your character that makes you want to be better? These things that develop slowly need time to deal with.

In the short term, you can try a few different methods. For example, if you post a status update, think about how you feel (e.g., happy, nervous, anxious), what you notice physically (e.g., your heart beating fast, something caught in your throat, your hair aching a little), and what you think (will others like it, when will others like it). Then, see what changes in 5, 10, or 20 minutes. How are you when others don't like it, and how are you when others do like it?

If you feel a lot of discomfort when you don't get a like, you can close your eyes, take a deep breath, and slowly exhale. Try to keep your breathing consistent and tell yourself, "I allow all my emotions, feelings, and thoughts to exist. I allow not getting a like."

Give it a try and see if it makes a difference.

These are just some ideas I've come up with, and I'm not claiming they're 100% accurate. But I hope they'll help you gradually adjust and live a more peaceful and joyful life.

Hello, question asker! I am the answerer, Enoch.

It is evident that the questioner is distressed because he is longing for the approval of others but is unable to obtain it in the manner he desires.

Let me be clear: the root causes of the questioner's psychological state are as follows:

1. The questioner is a mix of depressive, phlegmatic, and choleric temperaments. They are sensitive in interpersonal relationships and worry that they will not be accepted by others. Therefore, they always try to reduce the harm that this sensitivity causes to themselves by gaining the approval of others. This makes them feel bad because it is difficult to make others accept and approve of them. This is the phlegmatic temperament at work. People with a phlegmatic temperament tend to form stereotyped thinking, are not flexible enough, and are unable to break through their own thinking at the time to generate new and good ideas for solving problems. And every time they encounter such a problem, they cannot control themselves from wanting to fall into this cycle again because the choleric temperament is at work. Choleric people are impulsive, unable to look at problems rationally and calmly, and have a strong desire for control. They will always find ways to control others to develop in the direction they expect, which is sometimes unrealistic.

2. The questioner has fallen into a kind of emotional thinking, making it difficult for them to control the negative emotions they experience after seeing their friends' circles.

3. The perception of the problem is not rational or reasonable. The questioner's circle of friends is a way to show the highlights of their lives or thoughts, but they should not expect unconditional approval from others.

Everyone has their own thoughts and values. There are a thousand Hamlets in the eyes of a thousand people. What one person sees as benevolent, another sees as wise. Accept and approve of yourself.

The questioner must learn to respect different ideas and appreciate different voices and perspectives in their daily lives. Relaxing their thinking and letting others talk about their own path is the only way forward.