Why do I feel uncomfortable every time I receive praise from my parents?

Hello, questioner! I will answer this question and clarify your confusion by addressing the following points.

1. You want your parents' approval, but they often don't understand you. They say things that seem ridiculous and unscientific to you. When they criticize other people, you agree with them even though you don't think it's appropriate. This shows that you've severed the link between the child inside you and your parents' love. When you feel that what your parents say and do is ridiculous and unscientific, you're putting yourself in a higher position than your parents. You feel that you are smarter than your parents, so you're unable to respect them from the bottom of your heart. But when they criticize other people in the same way, you agree with them again. This shows that you're expressing your inner loyalty to your parents and pleasing them in this way.

Second, everyone's growth process forms beliefs that guide human behavior. Some beliefs and ways of life are passed on to children through genes and upbringing. However, everyone is an independent individual, and in different environments, they accept new information and ideas. It is normal to have conflicts of thinking with parents and find their words ridiculous and unscientific. From your perspective, this is the case. From their perspective, or from the perspective of the era and environment in which they lived, they may have a different understanding. It is like people living on the first floor and people living on the 30th floor looking out the window at the same time. They can see different things, but you cannot judge who is right and who is wrong. Even science is constantly being verified.

It is only natural for parents to have their own way of understanding things, and for children to have their own way of understanding things. This is why you must not judge your parents, but rather respect them enough to not argue with them about certain things. Ask yourself whether you can feel your parents' love for you. If you cannot feel it, no matter how right they are, you will not feel comfortable hearing it. You can have your own independent thinking, and you do not have to agree with your parents' words and deeds.

The way parents love us is fixed. What we can change is how we feel about it and how we treat them.

There are a number of potential reasons for this difficulty.

1. Desire for recognition and understanding: As a child of parents, you usually desire their recognition and understanding. Even if you have done something that you are proud of, you may feel lost and frustrated if your parents do not give you the expected recognition.

2. Critical and Picky: If your parents are consistently critical and meticulous about your achievements, rather than offering affirmation and support, you may feel frustrated and misunderstood. You may feel even more confused and helpless, especially when their criticism seems unscientific or unreasonable.

3. Pressure to conform: When faced with criticism or a lack of understanding from your parents, you may experience a conflict between wanting their approval and feeling that their attitude is unreasonable. This conflict can lead you to conform, even if you don't agree with them.

To address this situation, we recommend the following course of action:

4. Communicate Honestly: It is recommended that you communicate honestly with your parents and express your desire for their support and affirmation. Explain your efforts and achievements, and hope that they will understand and recognize your efforts.

5. Set boundaries: When facing criticism or a lack of understanding from your parents, it is important to learn to set boundaries and not let their attitude affect your emotions and self-confidence. It is also crucial to believe in your own value and abilities and to avoid relying too heavily on external recognition.

6. Seek external support: If communication with your parents is challenging or you are unable to alter their perspective, you may wish to consider seeking external assistance. This could include the input of friends, other family members, or a counselor. They can provide objective and constructive guidance to assist you in effectively navigating the situation.

It is of the utmost importance to believe in your own value and abilities. Do not allow the attitudes of others to shake your confidence. Work hard to pursue your goals and stick to what you believe is right. You will get the recognition and achievements you deserve in the end.

Hello, I'm Super Sister from Yixinli, and I'm so excited to be here!

I'd love to know how old you are now, and how old your parents are!

This is actually a very common psychological phenomenon in interpersonal relationships, which is really fascinating!

As parents, they have a wealth of life experience and knowledge that they bring to the table. Sometimes, they may have their own opinions on certain issues, which can be surprising or even outdated to you.

Their behavior of "pretending to understand" may stem from their self-esteem, concept of face, or a way of guiding you. For example, my father liked to express his "not quite accurate" views, and in the past, he would feel the same way as you do, laughing and impatient. But now, I just hope that time slows down a little, and I can listen a little more.

(This is something you'll only understand when you've experienced it or are about to lose it.)

For questions that you dare not refute, you can take them as a challenge! Express your views in a calm and rational manner, explain with factual evidence and logical reasoning, and try to guide them to discover the loopholes in their views.

Think of this task as a game, challenging yourself again and again. Every child in the world longs for their parents' approval, but everyone does it differently, and everyone is growing up. In the future, you will discover that as you become stronger, you will become more and more certain of what your value is, and slowly, you will not care so much about what others say about you.

Congratulations on your infinite possibilities in the future! You are still growing up and becoming more and more confident and courageous, aren't you? It's so exciting to see you becoming the amazing person you are destined to be!

Hello! You have a lot of different feelings when you're around your parents. You want their approval and will do whatever it takes to make them happy. But when they praise you, you feel like it's not what you want and you feel bad instead.

This conflict presents a fascinating relationship between your emotional dependence on your parents and your self-identity. When children are young, they see their parents as objects of dependence, as well as representatives of correctness and authority. Out of survival and emotional needs, they inevitably crave their parents' affirmation, which is a wonderful thing!

As time goes by, some of the expectations of parents will be internalized. This is a wonderful thing! It means that parental approval is linked to the individual's sense of self-worth and self-identity.

However, as they grow and develop, individuals will increasingly feel their own will and form an increasingly independent judgment of their own needs and values. From a psychological perspective, this is the process of "separating and individualizing," which is an amazing and exciting journey! In this process, we will aspire to an equal relationship with our parents, no longer accept their ideas wholesale, and will expect our parents to give us more understanding rather than teaching.

As the child grows up and changes, it's natural for the parents to remain in the same place. This can sometimes lead to a mismatch, an inability to meet and respond to the child's needs, and awkwardness in the relationship. For the child, this often feels like rejection and resistance. But it doesn't have to be this way!

You mentioned that your parents sometimes say things that are not scientific and judge others without knowing anything about them. This may also lead to your inability to gain satisfaction from their praise, because you feel that their recognition is not genuine, but that they are commenting on you with their own limitations. But after all, you are still emotionally attached to your parents, and there is also a continuation of patterns/habits, so it is inevitable that you want to cater to them.

Your parents' way of thinking and behaving is shaped by their upbringing and the era in which they grew up. They have their own unique limitations, and now that you've grown up, you can see the differences between yourself and your parents. You've also gained a deeper understanding of your own abilities and achievements. You can distinguish between emotional attachment and catering to and blending in with your parents while maintaining a kind of love that has boundaries.

Hello, question asker. Reading your words is like seeing you in person.

I understand. It's normal to want recognition from your parents when you get good grades. But when they use it as an excuse to show you they know better, the communication changes. It feels like they're showing off and bragging in front of us.

It is rare that you can perceive your own feelings to this extent. You have taken good care of yourself in the process.

Let's talk about it.

You said that you want your parents' approval, even though you know you've achieved things on your own. They also say ridiculous and unscientific things. I want to ask you a few questions about this.

1. What emotional value can you gain when you are recognized by your parents?

2. What specific aspects of these "emotional values" motivate you?

3. If you don't consider the aspect of "your parents' approval," list the strengths you feel you have.

4. If you had the opportunity to directly express your feelings in front of your parents, what would you say to them?

I want to be clear that it is normal for us as children to expect recognition from our parents. However, it is not our responsibility to ensure that our parents can see our expectations.

You said that when you know they are going to "criticize others casually without understanding," you always agree with them. This is your way of giving your parents the impression of being "obedient" in front of them. You choose to temporarily ignore your true inner needs.

We have identified a set of questions that you should consider: How do you want your father and mother to treat you, respectively? You should discuss this frankly with your father and mother.

In parent-child relationships, it's common for people to misunderstand each other. Don't retreat from the relationship because of this. Use serious communication to enhance your understanding of each other.

You've done a great job of understanding your own feelings in this relationship. Now, you need to clearly express your true feelings to your parents.

For this step, I have eight words for you: be neither humble nor arrogant, but gentle and firm.

You just need to be your true self, from beginning to end. I wish you all the best and hope we meet again some day.

It's normal to want your parents' approval, especially as you're growing up. Our parents have a big influence on us, and we want them to be happy with us when we've done something well or learned something new.

However, when there's a difference between what your parents think and what you know or have achieved, it can be distressing or even make you feel powerless. Your parents may have a different understanding of certain things due to their age, experience, or knowledge background, and their views may seem outdated or unscientific.

It's possible that they're not deliberately against you. They might just care about you but not know how to express it in a more appropriate way.

In this case, you might want to try to adopt a more peaceful attitude towards your parents' views. If their words make you feel uncomfortable or if you don't understand them, you can try to explain your views and achievements in a more specific and scientific way, so that they understand the facts and basis on which your views are based.

At the same time, you should also show respect and understanding, and not get resentful or annoyed with them just because their views differ from yours.

You mentioned "concurring with them." This might be because you don't want to argue with your parents or keep the family happy. But doing this for a long time could make you feel down and unhappy.

In short, communication, understanding, and respect are key when dealing with your parents.

In short, communication, understanding, and respect are key when dealing with your parents. Even if their views sometimes bother you, remember that their concern and love for you come from their love and expectations for you.

There could be a number of reasons for this feeling.

1. There may be a discrepancy between your expectations and the reality of the situation. You may desire sincere, professional, and constructive recognition from your parents, but their praise or feedback may not always align with your expectations. They may offer opinions without fully understanding the specific situation, or express their praise in ways you find unconventional or unscientific, which can make you feel like you're not fully understood or respected.

2. It is important to recognize your own self-worth. As parents are important authority figures in your development, their views and evaluations can have a significant impact on your sense of self-worth. When you feel that their praise is self-righteous rather than genuine appreciation, you may doubt your abilities and achievements, which can lead to inner discomfort.

3. **Conflict in communication style**: You would prefer it if they communicated with you on an equal and open basis, rather than in a way that might come across as condescending or critical. Even if they mean to praise you, the way they communicate can make you feel uncomfortable.

4. **Psychological defense mechanism**: In order to maintain harmonious family relationships and avoid potential conflicts, you may find yourself agreeing with your parents' views, which can sometimes lead to feelings of inner dissatisfaction and confusion.

You might like to consider trying the following methods to solve this problem:

It might be helpful to find a suitable time to calmly express your feelings to your parents and tell them what kind of feedback and encouragement you expect.

- Set boundaries: It may be helpful to be clear about your personal space and the scope of your abilities. In some areas, you might consider sticking to your expertise and opinions, and gently but firmly correcting any misunderstandings.

It may be helpful to consider that parents often express their opinions out of concern and pride, and that even if their methods are not always appropriate, their intentions are often good. It can also be beneficial to learn to seek approval and support from other sources, such as friends, teachers, or peers.

It would be beneficial to help them enhance their self-confidence. This could be done by increasing their awareness of their abilities and achievements, reducing their dependence on external evaluations, especially those of their parents, and developing a stable sense of self-worth.

Good day, my name is Xintan Coach Fei Yun. Life is a magnificent journey, not for appreciation, but for flourishing.

After listening to your account, I am deeply saddened by your situation. I offer you a warm embrace. On the one hand, you crave your parents' affirmation; on the other hand, you do not align with their words or opinions, yet you still concur with them in a reasonable manner.

?1. One's past experiences serve to shape one's "protective color."

Each individual possesses inherent patterns that serve a protective function to a certain extent. For instance, one's tendency to "conform" to parental expectations may prevent criticism and rejection, and potentially even facilitate the fulfillment of a desire for affirmation from one's parents.

The "protective color" is the behavioral pattern that prevents individuals from engaging in conflict with their parents. Despite their internal disapproval and disagreement, individuals tend to act in a manner that is perceived as "conformity" by others. This behavior can be described as an active avoidance of potential conflict.

Upon returning to the familiar and comforting environment of one's childhood home, it becomes possible to perceive and acknowledge the misguided advice and expectations conveyed by one's parents. This process allows for the identification of one's genuine inner needs, including the desire for affirmation, praise, and recognition from one's parents.

Dear child, A review of past experiences may reveal the underlying causes of your depression. These experiences, shaped by your parents' parenting style, may have left you with unmet emotional needs, including the desire to be seen, affirmed, accepted, and approved.

In the absence of fulfilment of this emotional need, it will inevitably affect future relationships. Given that the individual is in a state of emotional need, they will naturally seek out sources of gratification, whether that be classmates, teachers, friends, or in the future, colleagues and partners.

2. How to achieve breakthroughs and change

It is only through awareness that changes can be made to one's abilities.

In posing this question, you have already identified a pattern in yourself: the desire to be praised by your parents, yet they are consistently critical and negative, and you comply against your will (suppressing yourself).

The process of maturation inevitably gives rise to a range of emotional responses. The internal conflicts and contradictions that arise during this period can potentially lead to significant challenges, yet they can also serve as a valuable source of strength and resilience.

It is important to express oneself honestly and without grumbling or complaining. This entails articulating one's opinions and feelings in a forthright manner.

"Mom and Dad, I don't see eye to eye with you..." Parents are accustomed to their children's outward displays of conformity and reasonableness. Consequently, should a child alter the manner in which they interact with their parents, it is probable that they will receive an even greater degree of criticism.

However, this is acceptable since the individual is ultimately responsible for their own life. It is important to achieve reconciliation with one's parents. It should be noted that their opinions are merely their own and do not necessarily reflect the truth.

It is important to note that parents are not infallible, and their assessment of their children is inherently limited by their own understanding and perspective.

One may consider initiating changes in minor aspects of one's life, such as modifying one's preferred hairstyle, lifestyle, dietary habits, or attire.

The "Fly like a bird to your mountain" approach suggests that individuals should disassociate themselves from their family of origin, establish a sense of self-worth, and embrace a life imbued with love.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned advice will prove beneficial to you. The world and I extend our best wishes to you.

Should you wish to pursue this discussion further, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, entitled "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, I'm Coach Yu. Let's talk about this.

Some people are afraid of leaders, experts, parents, or teachers. This is called the fear of authority.

Think back to your childhood. Did your parents respond positively or negatively to your ideas and requests?

When kids get bad feedback, they lose confidence and feel anxious. They look for approval from adults. But adults can be scary, so kids are afraid.

The questioner says they always want their parents' approval. They agree with them even when they don't understand.

We can ask ourselves what we think and feel when our parents criticize others without understanding.

What do we want from our parents? Why do we always agree with them?

What is the reason I feel uncomfortable when my parents praise me?

We try to relax and record what we were thinking. What emotions did it bring out in me?

Writing things down helps you understand your emotions and problems. Write openly and honestly.

We can also talk to our parents more. Sometimes it's not about demanding accountability, but listening to their stories about raising us and what they expect of us now. Good communication can help us feel better and understand our parents better.

Think back to your childhood. When you first started to walk or hold a chopstick, were you stopped by your mother a lot because she was worried and afraid of the consequences? We will judge ourselves based on our own perceptions of the unknown. This makes us feel like we can't do things well. This can make us feel vulnerable as adults.

Sometimes I've done something well, but I still want my parents' approval.

We can try to think about ourselves in a fair way. We can write down our good and bad points. We can praise our good points and accept our bad points. We can say to ourselves: I have bad points, but I accept myself and I love myself. This can make us feel more confident. It can also help us to believe in our own potential.

We can try new things and see what happens. If it goes well, we can reward ourselves. Taking action helps us gain confidence.

If you need help, find a family member or friend you trust. If you need more help, find a counselor.

Affirm and empower yourself. You can't choose everything, and you can't relive everything. Let yourself be ordinary, stop competing with authority, be kind to yourself, and stop worrying about what others think.

Recommended book: "Low Self-Esteem and Transcendence"

Hello, question asker! After reading your text, I can feel your confusion, your struggles, and your doubts, but I also feel your determination to find solutions!

Hugs! ??

First of all, parents in a family are the primary life leaders of their children, especially if you are still a minor. If you are an adult, you may have grown up accustomed to this mode of interaction, attached to your parents in an affiliated manner, and this mode of interaction can bring you what you want!

For example, your parents' good mood, the things they give you, and their attitude towards you are great!

? Second, adults have pride!

The status of parent comes with a sense of authority in the family, and it is difficult to admit your own inadequacies, which means losing face. But here's the good news! Just as in life, many people always want to change others, but they can easily change themselves. And it's really simple to do!

Then, accept the status quo!

Parents will eventually grow old, but you can work hard to improve your own understanding now! When the day comes when all your understanding surpasses that of your parents, they will naturally recognize you. Although they may still habitually belittle you or disapprove of you when they are in front of you, they will also recognize you behind your back. It's just that they don't know the way you need to express yourself, but you can show them!

And finally, the most important thing you can do is change yourself and improve your own perception!

You're already asking questions here, which shows you have the ability to learn! Instead of changing other people, you should change yourself. I highly recommend the book "The Art of Communication." You can also learn about psychology and the art of high emotional intelligence. Take it slow, don't dwell on the past, and focus on your own growth!

When it comes to spending time with their parents, as long as they are happy, it's a simple equation: you know what's best for them! If they are happy, they are healthy, and they are not causing trouble for their children. It's that easy!