Why do others complain about my actions, yet I feel they are negating my entire person?

You can start reflecting on and recognizing the existence of this internal conflict, which is a great first step. As they say, understanding is healing. From your description, I can already tell that you're making progress in improving this conflict.

The problem you mentioned is an asymmetrical conflict. Let me explain. Imagine you're taking an exam and you get 75 points. If the teacher writes some notes next to the wrong questions, your attention will be focused on the lost 25 points and the words in the teacher's comments, as if you had scored 0 points. What you need to understand is that objectively speaking, you did get 75 points. This determines your ranking, achievements, and self-confidence. It's an important part that cannot be ignored.

Secondly, we will examine this problem from a deeper perspective.

1-In your past important interpersonal relationships, after you did something, did the other person always evaluate the result of your actions in a way that was suppressive and critical? Of course they did. Did this make you feel a sense of shame, and did it fill you with a subconscious desire to be recognized? Absolutely.

2-You always have a feeling inside that you are not good enough. If the other person expresses certain emotions towards me, it does not mean that I have not done well in some way.

This is an issue that involves the level of self-esteem. We must consider whether this assessment of self-esteem needs to be based on reality. From a rational point of view, we need to identify where the other person's emotion comes from and whether it is truly related to us.

There are, of course, some more motivations in there. I will briefly share these two points, and I expect you to think about them and treat yourself well. I am confident this will help.

I appreciate you meeting with me.

Good day, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing now, and I extend my support in the form of a gesture of comfort.

You are currently experiencing some interpersonal issues. I extend my support to you in the form of a warm embrace.

I believe there may be a connection between your issue and your family of origin.

I recall that when I was quite young, my mother would frequently tell me that if I did not tidy my room properly, for instance by putting away my toys, I would not be a good boy.

My father would frequently assert that my lack of compliance would result in a cessation of his affection.

As a result, I would erroneously conclude that my shortcomings are the cause of these circumstances.

Additionally, there is a perception that the negative comments made by your parents are directed at your personal character.

As I matured, I came to understand that my parents' comments were focused on my actions, not on who I am as a person.

I believe that your current situation may require the assistance of a professional counselor.

It would be advisable to find a counselor who can assist you in re-evaluating your distorted values.

As a psychological counselor, she is better able to adopt a third-party perspective, maintain a non-judgmental outlook, and adopt an objective attitude. This allows her to provide more pertinent, useful, and constructive suggestions.

I hope that the issue you are currently experiencing can be resolved as soon as possible.

At this time, I am only able to offer these suggestions.

I hope my above response is helpful and inspiring to you. As the respondent, I am committed to studying hard every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our best wishes to you and the world.