Why do parents blame their daughter for getting married?

Hello, question owner! Thank you so much for inviting me to answer. I just saw your message, so please forgive me if I'm a little late in responding.

The questioner feels a bit uneasy about the whole blind date thing, especially with her mom involved. She's wondering if her mom thinks she's just a cheap commodity to be picked over. It's totally understandable! Your mom is probably just trying to help you find Mr. Right as soon as possible. Try to see if you've developed some negative emotions because the blind date process hasn't been very smooth.

Mom's advice is spot on! If the other person doesn't have the characteristics you're looking for, there's no reason you can't give yourself and the other person another chance. It's totally normal to reject others and be rejected during the process of blind dating. It just means you're not the right match for each other. And that's okay! Selection is always a two-way process. Free yourself from the emotion of being proud and choose the right person for you!

Have a chat with your mum about your own selection criteria so she can get to know you better and help you out. It seems like your mum is feeling a little anxious, but remember, 29 is not that old! You should never settle for just anyone on a blind date. If you can, have a word with your mum to come up with more practical and reasonable standards so she doesn't worry unilaterally.

Blind dates are a traditional way to meet someone special. They're a reliable way to find your perfect match! Handle your emotions and use your wisdom to seize the opportunity for happiness. You can do it!

Hello!

First of all, if you're looking for a more traditional way to find your perfect match, there are plenty of professional matchmakers out there who can help! They'll understand all the ins and outs of both parties before introducing them to meet, and they'll make sure you're matched with someone who's a great fit for you.

The idea of a "suitable match" is all about both people being on equal footing. Usually, if one person has something the other doesn't, like better financial circumstances, it's often expected that the other person will have certain rights or be beautiful.

It makes total sense to match people with similar backgrounds! After all, two people from similar social classes will have an easier time getting along, and the probability of disagreements will be lower. This means that the quality of life in the future is basically guaranteed!

Second, it's pretty unlikely that you'll get married just because you're a good match for each other. Back in the day, having similar social status was a big help in finding a partner. This was partly because there wasn't much information or transportation around. People had fewer options for marriage partners. But times have changed! It's not unusual to have a relationship with someone in a different place or even a different country. If you want a happy life, it's not just about having the basic conditions. It's also about whether you and your partner are a good match.

Thirdly, matching is all about finding someone who values the same things you do. So, if you value appearance, education and income, then it's a great idea to look for someone who has all of those things too!

It's often said that suitability is half the battle, and there's a good reason for it! There are also certain conditions that can greatly affect the quality of a marriage. For instance, it's important to consider whether the other person has vices that you cannot accept, such as gambling, promiscuity, or being a mama's boy.

So, you're ready to go on a blind date? Great! Before you do, though, it's really important to think about what you're looking for. Write down the three most important things you want in a partner, and then think about what you'd really like to avoid. Be honest with yourself, and make sure your list is clear and specific. Once you've done that, your family and friends will be able to help you find the perfect person for you!

And guess what? This approach also applies to finding a partner on a dating website!

It can be tough to change the way our parents behave, but when you find the right partner, you'll have no need for their ideas, arrangements, or actions that aren't reliable.

I really hope this helps! And I wish you so much happiness!

Hello, questioner!

As for the whole matchmaking thing, being nagged and interfered with by your mother, if you do everything according to your mother's wishes and she doesn't understand that you don't feel comfortable doing it her way because you don't meet her expectations and can't do everything she thinks of... I can feel your frustration and anger behind the screen, and I'm here to help!

I'm excited to dive into the world of relationships from a few different angles.

Mom: It's clear that your mom is really invested in your blind date. She's got your back, and she's worried that you'll miss out on a great match. She's also got some insecurities that she's projecting onto you. She wants you to be the best you can be and to make sure you've got all the bases covered.

The questioner himself: Follow your heart! Does the questioner himself have any criteria for choosing a spouse?

If you do, the more detailed the better! General concepts like "as long as he treats me well" and "as long as I'm comfortable with him" are the same as having no standards. You need to be clear in your mind what you want in Mr. Right—and you can do it!

If you're not comfortable in a relationship, neither will your partner be. So, why not make the most of your time together?

It's time to communicate with your mother! As the questioner has mentioned, your mother is encouraging you to take the initiative to contact your blind date and talk to them. When you don't like someone, your mother will keep saying that you should get along and see, etc. This is your chance to show her that you're not a cheap commodity and that you deserve better!

It's time to chat with your mom! She's asked you to reach out to your blind date and have a chat. When you don't click with someone, your mom will keep saying you should give it a go and see. It can feel like you're a bit of a commodity in your mom's eyes, and that you can only be picked... But it's also a chance to show her you're ready for a great romantic partner! The questioner has already shared her thoughts on her mom, so it's time for you to share yours. Talk to your mom about your standards and requirements, and tell her what you're looking for. She'll love hearing your thoughts and feelings, and she'll respect your opinions more.

You can use a communication formula for this: 1. Affirm your mother's concerns about you. 2. State your views on choosing a spouse. 3. State your feelings. 4. Say what you would like your mother to do to make you feel more comfortable. This is a great way to get your mother on your side and make her understand your needs!

Choosing a spouse for one's daughter is a big, exciting deal! Mothers are often anxious, but love is also contained within the conflict.

Absolutely! We can turn conflicts into strength right from the start. In fact, they can help us!

I really hope my sharing is of some help to the questioner! Best wishes!

Hello,

From what you've said, it seems like you're questioning:

1. Why does your mother always think there's something wrong with her daughter when it comes to marriage? She always forces her daughter to make all kinds of efforts and compromises for the marriage relationship and to attract men.

It's hard to understand your mother's behavior.

2. On top of that, your mother's behavior makes you feel like you're not good enough, like you have to constantly try to please the other person to win their favor, and that you can only make various efforts to let the other person choose you. This feeling makes you feel very uncomfortable.

Is a girl really just a commodity to be chosen in a relationship?

Regarding the first question, why does your mother always push you to take various actions to please the other person and gain favor when you are on a blind date or in a relationship, I believe this behavior reflects her understanding of relationships between men and women.

Maybe this is just how she was raised. Perhaps your grandmother raised your mother this way.

It seems that the idea is that men are superior to women, and girls have to work hard to maintain relationships. They need to perform well in all aspects, be polite to men, and cater to them in order to gain men's acceptance and recognition. Or perhaps this model was influenced by the way your mother got along with her father.

When she was a kid, she probably felt like the only way to get her dad's attention was to act right, so she was always on her toes to act well in front of him.

No matter why you feel this way, it shows what your mom is really thinking. She feels like she's not good enough as a girl and doesn't think she deserves love, respect, or care. That's why she's so worried and pushy about her daughter doing well in relationships and pleasing other people.

She thinks that if you act this way, you'll be able to gain love. What this really shows is that your mother is anxious and lacks self-confidence.

If you understand your mother this way, your second question seems pretty natural. Your mother's behavior made you feel cheap and like an object to be chosen.

It's a totally normal feeling. Your mom's behavior and inner perception lead her to believe that women are worthless and have to work hard to please men to gain their approval.

So, based on your mother's actions, you'll have this feeling, which is totally valid. It's her perception of herself and the female role she has inside, and it's reflected in her actions.

And you pick up on this in your mother's behavior.

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what you think your value as a girl is and how you should respond to your mother's question. From what you've said, it seems like you don't actually agree with your mother's behavior and views.

You don't think girls need to cater to the other person so much or put themselves in such a lowly position. At the same time, you may also have some doubts.

If the value of a girl in a relationship isn't what your mother said it is, then what is it really worth? And what kind of relationship do you want?

It's important to think about your value as a woman and what role you want to play in a relationship. These are things you need to think about carefully.

You'll only be able to hold yourself steady in your future marriage, communicate with your partner on an equal footing, and gain a mutually nourishing relationship when you have a clear and loving recognition of yourself within.

As a woman, I want to share that girls and boys are equal and independent individuals in a relationship. A girl's happiness has nothing to do with whether the man in the relationship loves her.

The key is to love yourself and to understand and support yourself. If you strengthen your inner self, you'll find happiness. It has nothing to do with whether men recognize us or not.

As a matter of fact, men are the same.

I hope this is helpful. Best regards.

Greetings. I am a heart exploration coach. I will accompany you with sincerity and attention.

It is understandable that you are experiencing these feelings at this particular stage of your life. You are at an age when people typically get married, and your parents are anxious about this transition. However, your mother's actions and interference in your decisions and actions are causing you to feel constrained and unable to be free.

It is imperative to maintain one's sense of boundaries.

It is reasonable to conclude that your mother cares about and loves you. When a daughter gets married, her parents naturally worry about her.

The establishment of interpersonal relationships necessitates the presence of boundaries. Similarly, children are expected to announce their presence before entering their own private space, and parents are expected to do the same before entering their children's.

It is not appropriate for parents to read their children's diaries or letters without the child's consent. These items are related to the child's sense of boundaries.

Given that you are already 29 years of age, you have developed your own values and outlook on life, as well as your own standards and judgments regarding marriage and the selection of a spouse. Additionally, you have established your own unique approach to interacting with the opposite sex.

It is recommended that the following advice be considered:

It is essential to communicate effectively with one's parents and express one's views and feelings directly. This entails conveying the message that one is an adult capable of making independent judgments and experiencing personal emotions. It is important to acknowledge the love and care one's parents provide while also asserting the necessity for personal space and respect.

Concurrently, it is imperative to consider the perspectives and sentiments expressed by your parents. The objective is to achieve a consensus and mitigate emotional distress, thereby identifying a resolution to the issue collectively.

? 2. Adopt a multi-faceted perspective on the matter.

"There is a distinction between right and wrong in terms of behavior, but the motives behind the behavior are generally benevolent."

While the parents' love for the child is a positive motivating factor, the specific manifestations of this love, particularly in the form of behavioral interference and emotional infringement, have a detrimental impact on the child's emotional well-being and sense of autonomy.

It would be beneficial to consider the situation from their perspective.

The parents' actions are driven by an underlying anxiety, which manifests as interference in their daughter's behavior and emotional lives. This interference is driven by a desire for their daughter to fit into the social norms of their era, including marriage and childbearing at a certain age. This desire stems from a need for the parents to feel safe and in control.

Nevertheless, parents are constrained by the limitations of their upbringing and education, as well as the influence of their own parents. Consequently, they may lack the knowledge and skills to provide their children with the love and guidance they require.

It is evident that they hold you in high regard, yet their actions have a detrimental impact on you. This behavior can be perceived as an exertion of control. It is plausible that they have their own agenda and desire for you to adhere to their expectations.

The following advice is offered:

It is important to distinguish between one's parents' actions and their love for their child.

Demonstrate to them your comprehension and acceptance, while maintaining your autonomy and refusing to comply with their demands.

2. It is essential to distinguish between the issue and your parents.

Emotions and marriage are life issues that affect one's happiness. Regardless of the anxiety exhibited by others, one's own sense of agency is paramount.

As a result of your mother's excessive involvement and impatience, which can be attributed to anxious emotions, you have developed self-doubt and self-negation.

It is imperative to re-establish a sense of boundaries, build self-awareness, and maintain your independence. You must assert your autonomy and take back the right to choose in your life.

It is my hope that this information will prove useful to you.

Hello, I'm Du Xi.

I can tell you're feeling pretty down right now, and I hope my message can help. Let's talk about it from a few different angles.

From what you've said, it seems like your mother has a lot of influence over your life, which makes you feel uncomfortable and hurts your self-esteem. You do what she asks because you don't want to upset her.

No matter what happens, I hope you can feel like your mom cares about you.

I think you and your mother should have a good chat and express your feelings in a way that

Let her know you understand her and that you have some concerns.

Be open and honest about your thoughts and feelings, and ask her to help you in any way she can.

Keep your cool during the conversation, listen carefully to what the other person is saying, and repeat back what they say to help them feel heard.

It would be best to reach a consensus and agreement with your mother on this matter.

It can be tough to change someone else's mind, especially your parents'. But they love you; they just don't know how to show it.

Maybe they learned this from their parents. They're also becoming parents for the first time, and the only thing you can control and change is yourself. Your change will definitely affect them.

First, you need to adjust your mindset and help your parents love your family in the right way.

When it comes to love, there are a few things to think about.

What impact have past relationships had on you at the age of 29? How do they affect your future life?

Is this what you want?

If these influences aren't what you want, what changes do you need to make? What can you do to help?

What do you see as the value and meaning of marriage? Why is it important to you?

What kind of partner are you looking for in the future to help you achieve these goals? The more specific you can be, the better.

What can I do to meet this person, and who can help me?

The future is yours to shape, whether it's with your family or at work. If you face it head-on and tackle it, you might just create the future you want. If you avoid it and just wait for what might happen next, you might end up feeling pretty depressed and passive.

So, what's your decision?

From your description, I can ascertain that you are a perceptive and emotionally intelligent individual. It appears that you are in a situation where you are experiencing a high level of anxiety and a reluctance to relinquish your position, yet you are also apprehensive about the possibility of being overlooked. You seem to be experiencing a degree of confidence-and-mild-self-doubt-in-the-future-9475.html" target="_blank">self-doubt and a lack of confidence.

You believe you can engage in conversation at your own pace, but your mother's words suggest there may be some truth to them. You are uncertain whether you should adhere to your own pace, but you are concerned it may give a negative impression. Therefore, you will set a clear objective and consider how you will know when you have reached it and it is no longer appropriate. You value being liked by others, but you also know your own preferences. However, your mother's pressure makes you feel uncomfortable, so you are confused, panicking, and angry.

Firstly, it is important to note that the age of 29 is still relatively young, and there is no immediate need to rush into any decisions. For women in particular, there is no reason why they cannot start dating at this age.

Parents have their own views. They may have considerable free time and be exposed to a great deal of information. They may compare their children with their friends' children, which can lead to confusion. It is important to recognize that their intentions are good, but they may lack insight into our experiences.

As a 29-year-old, it is not advisable to make assumptions about what one wants in a partner. It is essential to understand one's own values and aspirations before embarking on a romantic pursuit. It is not necessary to hasten the process by immediately seeking a blind date. Instead, it is prudent to invest time in self-development and to identify the qualities and characteristics that one desires in a romantic partner. As one progresses in this journey of self-discovery and growth, many opportunities will naturally arise. Having a clear understanding of one's preferences and standards is beneficial. It is important to recognize that not everyone may be able to meet these standards, and that is perfectly acceptable. It is essential to maintain a calm and composed approach, as rushing into decisions can often lead to unfavorable outcomes.

The question is, how do you develop yourself to find the kind of person you want? Begin by determining your own values and priorities. Consider whether you are willing to compromise on material things. This is a crucial aspect of the decision-making process. It is essential to adhere to moral and legal standards. The objective is to find a balance between personal happiness and a commitment to ethical behavior.