Why do people care about others in a nitpicking manner?

Hello, my name is Strawberry.

From the question and the way it is phrased, it seems that the issue the questioner is talking about is one that many people face. It is a kind of verbal expression that the speaker is used to using. They also feel that what they really want to express is a kind of care that the person being expressed must accept.

Before the questioner asked this question, I was actually one of these people. When my child told me that her throat hurt, I would reply that she would be fine if she ate more snacks. In fact, my intention was really to show her that I cared, but I expressed my dissatisfaction with her usual behavior in this way.

The child may come to understand that the mother is simply expressing her dissatisfaction, and may then choose to disregard the care I have for her. Over time, this kind of expression could potentially lead to a breakdown in communication between the two parties. After recognizing this issue, I made a conscious effort to adjust my approach, aiming to find a balance between assertiveness and kindness.

Could I perhaps ask why you feel unable to express yourself properly?

1. It might be helpful to try expressing your dissatisfaction.

It's possible that the other person is genuinely concerned about the original poster, but this may not be the most effective way to communicate. Could the original poster consider gently reminding the other person to either express themselves directly or to say nothing at all, in order to maintain a positive and constructive atmosphere?

If the other person cares about you, they will likely be able to discern the emotions that their expression evokes in you. If the other person is primarily driven by a desire to express their dissatisfaction, even if you express your own feelings, they may continue to behave in a way that is not constructive.

2. It is important to accept that everyone has a different way of expressing themselves.

Given the different educational backgrounds, people we interact with, and environments in which we develop, it is understandable that we may have varying perspectives, thoughts, and ways of expressing ourselves when it comes to accepting the same thing.

It's also possible that this is related to intelligence and emotional intelligence. It seems that the questioner understands what they really mean, but for the time being, they find it difficult to accept the words they express.

It may be helpful to try to accept everyone's differences. Focusing on the care and intention behind someone's words, rather than getting caught up in the specifics of how they express it, can be a constructive approach.

3. It may be helpful to consider the underlying reasons for your concerns.

If the questioner is unable to accept this way of expressing oneself, it would be beneficial to consider the underlying reasons. As previously mentioned, everyone has received different forms of education and has expressed themselves in diverse ways. If the questioner wishes to express their concern, it would be helpful to do so directly. However, it is important to note that being too direct can sometimes make people feel uneasy.

It seems that the questioner is looking for a way for others to express themselves in a way that aligns with their own inner thoughts. When this doesn't happen, it can lead to a range of emotions. It's understandable that we all have certain expectations and standards for others, but it's also important to recognize that external factors can sometimes influence how others act or interact. Having open communication and understanding about these expectations and standards can help us maintain a positive and constructive relationship.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Wishing you well.

Good evening.

You have identified a common issue that we frequently face. For instance, it is often stated that I am simply direct, so please do not take it personally.

To illustrate, an individual may possess a sharp tongue but a kind heart.

Previously, I assumed that individuals with sharp tongues and a soft heart retained that quality at their core. However, I have since recognized that they may not genuinely prioritize the concerns of those with a soft heart and a sharp tongue.

For example, the adage "Your mother thinks you're cold" is a common source of humor. Many individuals can likely relate to the experience of being told to wear long underwear, even when they do not feel cold.

It is possible that the mother is actually cold herself and therefore assumes that her child is also cold.

When a child refuses to wear the leggings their mother has requested, the mother may respond in one of two ways. The first is to say, "We'll discuss this further when you catch a cold." The second is to say, "You are disobedient and do not know what is good for you."

Ultimately, she is genuinely kind-hearted, yet her communication style is somewhat gentle.

This may be related to her personal feelings, her upbringing, her experiences, and the way others treat her.

If you can discern the underlying message behind their statements, you may feel more empowered to navigate the situation.

Additionally, Chinese culture places a strong emphasis on the idea that strictness is a form of love and that modesty is a pathway to progress. Conversely, pride is seen as a hindrance to growth. In essence, the hope is that by belittling the other person, the other person will feel ashamed and be motivated to improve. In most cases, the father will assume this role within the family.

The approach of a strict father and loving mother may, in fact, be detrimental to their children. However, they are unable to perceive this because they have been following this approach for so many years.

This approach has proven effective for them.

As an example, the practice of a mother-in-law tattooing her daughter-in-law's name is currently perceived as child abuse. However, historically, it has been regarded as a positive action, with the mother-in-law justifying it as a form of patriotism and a means of expressing love for the child. In the present era, parents may refrain from getting tattoos, but they may opt to convey their emotions through verbal expression instead.

It is often challenging to implement change in such circumstances. It is not feasible to approach everyone and say, "Don't deny me. If you are softhearted, then be soft-spoken." This is not a realistic expectation.

It is possible to attempt to communicate with individuals in one's immediate circle, such as one's parents, and express one's feelings and expectations. For instance, one might say, "What did you say? How did I feel? I felt hurt. I hope you... I know you love me, but I'd rather hear positive things from you."

It is important to be honest when communicating with your parents. However, it is also essential to be prepared for the possibility that they may not accept your perspective and may feel their authority being challenged.

In such cases, the most constructive approach is to recognize the underlying affection and understand the constraints of the situation.

Then, determine the best course of action.

I am frequently a Buddhist and a pessimist, an intermittently positive and motivated psychologist, and I extend my best wishes to the world.

Hello, question asker!

Indeed, there are many people like this! In Chinese, they are called "good words, bad words."

Perhaps these people view people and problems from a different starting point, which is really fascinating! One particularly obvious characteristic of this type of person is that they have low emotional intelligence, in other words, they have relatively few words to describe their inner feelings, which is really intriguing!

Not even!

Another thing is that they have a unique perspective. They tend to focus on the objective reality of a situation first. For example, you say that you are wearing too little clothing, but it is very cold. This combination makes people feel very cold. In the vocabulary of this type of person, there are very few emotional words, but the straightforward words occupy the commanding heights. What are you wearing?

They don't care if they freeze to death! You can't say that these people aren't concerned about you, but the impact on the inside is also very great. Is this considered caring? Absolutely!

And so, the speaker has no intention, but the listener is aware!

And finally, we come to the tone of voice of this type of person, which is like that of a teacher or leader you dislike. No matter what they say, if it comes out of their mouth and is combined with blunt and emotionless words, it is bound to annoy people.

They don't care about other people's emotions. They're just sharing their opinions or even forcibly implanting so-called reasoning into your head, even though you reject it.

It's actually really simple to get along with these kinds of people! All you have to do is be like them. Use vague and insipid language, a flat tone of voice, and a condescending tone of voice, and you'll be amazed at how successful you'll be!

However, if you meet someone you like, don't do this! You'll never find happiness with someone who's emotionally unintelligent. Be the kind of person everyone wants to meet!