Why do some people feel the distance grow as they get closer?

Good day. I am a heart exploration coach, Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey.

As familiarity increases, the boundary violation will be perceived as more serious. Once differences are understood, individuals will naturally pull away, creating a sense of distance. This is a normal process and should not be a cause for concern.

As the ancients said, one should consider appearance, talent, and character. When initially getting to know someone, we may attempt to hide some of our respective shortcomings to make a good impression. This can result in a somewhat reserved initial interaction.

However, as familiarity increases, our perception of proportion diminishes, and the dissolution of boundaries becomes evident. As the questioner notes, this can create the impression of a significant distance between individuals, which is a common phenomenon.

It is only through experience that one can ascertain whether an individual is a suitable friend. If the possibility of forming friendships is dismissed from the outset, the opportunity to develop genuine relationships may be lost.

The questioner may wish to consider adopting certain methods to assist in the process of forming new relationships.

The optimal approach for fostering positive relationships with others is to embrace differences and find common ground. By accepting the unique qualities of others, we demonstrate respect for their individuality. When there is harmony, relationships flourish. Conversely, discord can lead to disconnection and a sense of loss.

As per the information sourced from the internet, interpersonal distances are divided into the following categories: intimate distance, personal distance, social distance, and public distance. It is observed that as the distance increases, the number of people involved also increases.

It also implies that there are fewer close associates than friends. When this is understood, changes in interpersonal relationships are less likely to cause disappointment.

Sincerity is the key to successful relationships. It would be unwise for the questioner to doubt their ability to make true friends based on the failure of some previous relationships. I believe that the questioner will find that their sincerity and attentiveness will lead them to make the right friends over time.

It is only possible to be with people with whom one has a positive rapport. The questioner may therefore wish to consider seeking out a close friend who shares their interests and personality traits.

To gain insight into a person's character, it is essential to observe their verbal and non-verbal communication, as well as how they interact with others. It is not always feasible to assess a person's suitability as a friend based on a few brief interactions. In such cases, it is advisable to exercise patience and allow for a more comprehensive understanding to develop.

It would be advisable to lower your expectations and be less sensitive in interpersonal interactions. This may make it less difficult for the questioner to deal with changes in the relationship.

It would be advisable to go with the flow. In the past life, 500 returns were exchanged for a passing in the present life. Meeting is a matter of fate. Even if you cannot become closer friends, you can still learn from each other and enrich your own experiences. This may help to improve the questioner's outlook.

It would be beneficial to gain an understanding of the nature of interpersonal relationships, provide material and emotional value, and accept that if neither can be achieved, the relationship may naturally come to an end. Attempting to remain calm may help to improve the situation.

We recommend reading Between People, Behavior.

Best regards,

Good day. You believe that you could become friends with someone, but after getting to know them better, you find that the distance has increased. This makes you feel a little confused, and you wonder if it has anything to do with your ability to get to know people.

From my perspective, while there is an element of a "chemical reaction" (such as physical attractiveness and a natural sense of affinity) in human friendships, establishing connections with others is still a process of trial and error. To understand what kind of relationship is needed, whether our needs and expectations match those of the other person, and what kind of communication can promote mutual understanding and trust, we need to fully engage with others, interact with them, and observe them closely.

You indicated that there was some verbal communication, and the other person conveyed a message of friendliness and friendship, which led you to believe that you could become friends. Indeed, a positive and friendly attitude from others will give us a good initial impression, which is also a foundation for being friends. We will naturally be willing to get close to people who show kindness and express a connection.

It is possible to transition from a neutral, detached state to a friendly one with the introduction of expectations. Once expectations have been established and there is an opportunity for closer contact, we will assess the other party more comprehensively and compare them with our own preconceived expectations. If the other party's performance differs from our expectations, it may result in a sense of loss or disappointment.

However, this does not imply that it is not possible to distinguish between individuals. It simply indicates that there has not yet been sufficient opportunity to gain an understanding of them.

Furthermore, there is no standard model for friendship; rather, there are numerous variations. Given that individuals are shaped by different upbringings, experiences, and personalities, their perceptions and attitudes towards friendship are inherently diverse.

It should be noted that the success of a friendship is contingent upon the willingness, needs, and compatibility of the two individuals involved.

It may be helpful to consider your core needs in a friendship, the boundaries you require, how you expect the other person to communicate with you, whether you are willing to interact with the other person with an experimental attitude and at the same time accept the results as they come, and then make your judgment based on the specific situation.

Hello, I'm Zeyu.

Some people feel more distant the closer you get to them. This is because we have reduced the physical distance but lost the psychological distance.

Each of us has a ruler that we use to measure relationships. This ruler is marked with distances between people, and we can use it to measure anyone. The other person will use this same ruler to measure us. While we are measuring others, the other person is doing the same thing. Although each of us has a ruler with the same scale, the intervals are different. What seems like the right distance to us may be dangerous to the other person. Therefore, the other person will distance themselves from us until they feel that this distance is just right.

We can feel the friendship expressed by the other person during communication, and thus think that we can become friends. This is our judgment in reality. However, in reality, the relationship may not have reached the threshold set by the other person. Therefore, when we approach, the other person pulls away from us. We don't have to blame ourselves for this. We must try to find out if the current distance is appropriate.

"I know people. I can tell if we can become friends.

The questioner is not unable to judge people; they just measure the relationship according to their inner scale. To get to know someone, we must be sincere, respectful, and earnest. This helps us get to know someone better. In the process, we can understand the other person's scale and the safety distance they consider.

The simplest way to determine whether someone can become a friend is to see how they respond to us. This response includes not only their words and actions, but also their attitude and daily behavior towards us. There's no question that people who are mutually beneficial and respectful are worthy of becoming friends. Friendships are hierarchical because we need to understand what kind of people we need to become friends with, what our standards are, and what our bottom line is.

Knowing people and making friends is not simple. We must allow time for mistakes and accept the possibility of making the wrong friends. However, we must trust our judgment. If we can't decide, we can ask someone we trust for advice. We can also choose to be cautious and continue interacting with the person, testing them over time.

Good day. My name is Coach Yu, and I would like to engage in a discussion on this topic with you.

Let us begin with the concept of friendship. Every individual has a network of friends, comprising both close and distant acquaintances. This network can be conceptualised as a series of concentric circles, with the self at the centre. Some friendships may evolve into a more intimate bond, characterised by shared interests, hobbies, habits, values, and experiences.

Conversely, the ability to get along with friends does not necessitate the acceptance of all aspects of the other person. It is only possible to accept those aspects of the other person that make us feel comfortable. Similarly, it is unreasonable to expect our friends to buy into all of our demands. Attempting to find common ground in a mutually suitable area is a viable approach. Given that it is not possible to get along with every friend in every way, the differences between people determine the areas of overlap that exist between each friend, which also serve to delineate the boundaries of our friendship.

As the original poster posited, why do some individuals experience a growing sense of distance and alienation as their relationship progresses?

One might inquire as to whether there are common interests or habits when spending time with the individual in question.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether there are any shared values.

Additionally, one might inquire as to the nature of one's thoughts when he or she is expressed friendship by another. What emotions and feelings did this evoke?

Upon his arrival, what were your thoughts? What emotions and feelings did he evoke in you?

One can attempt to record the current state of one's emotions. It is important to note that this writing is solely for the individual's benefit; therefore, it is acceptable to express one's feelings in an honest and straightforward manner. This process can assist in understanding the underlying causes and effects of emotions, as well as in identifying the fundamental issue at hand.

Let us consider the nature of interpersonal relationships. Each individual's inner world can be conceived of as a theatrical stage, with the individual occupying the central role, while other individuals and external factors assume supporting roles. The emotions, desires, and logic invested in these supporting roles contribute to the fictionalization of the narrative.

In encountering people and things in reality, we will unconsciously utilize our internal scripts to interpret external relationships. Those people in reality who we care about will also be drawn onto the stage of our hearts by us to "perform" our inner drama together. Therefore, our view of relationships is ultimately a matter of personal perspective.

As the questioner indicated, individuals who engage in minimal verbal communication may perceive the expression of friendship in the words of their interlocutor and subsequently form a friendship.

The source of the original poster's confusion stems from the fact that some individuals enter a relationship with the expectation that their partner will become a close friend, only to discover that their expectations are not aligned with reality. In such cases, the individual in question may be regarded as a "supporting actor" on the internal stage, where emotions are used to construct an imaginary representation of real-life interpersonal relationships.

Consequently, an examination of our interpersonal dynamics reveals that the fundamental objective of human relationships is the process of self-discovery, or the attainment of self-knowledge.

One might inquire as to the underlying motivation behind the assumption that this individual can serve as a friend.

Furthermore, it would be beneficial to consider the type of communication that would be most beneficial to engage in with this individual, as well as any other potential actions that could be taken.

When individuals are clear about their needs, it can facilitate a more positive perception of their relationships.

It is possible to open one's heart and adjust one's mood, and to attempt to create an appropriate opportunity for honest communication with the individual in question. This communication should aim to facilitate an understanding of one's own feelings and thoughts on the relationship, while also allowing the other person to express their own feelings. The purpose of honest communication with friends is to release emotions, gain a deeper understanding of one's friends, and make informed decisions.

It is also possible to seek assistance from a trusted family member or friend, or alternatively, a counselor. This is particularly advisable if the issue is causing distress and it is difficult to cope with it alone. Talking through one's emotions with someone who is supportive can help to relieve the pressure and blockages that can arise in the heart.

It is also imperative to adhere to the principle of separating issues. Each individual has the right to pursue their own path and way of life, and to respect the autonomy of others. When we embrace the truth of life, we can begin to unload our heavy burdens and release the tension in our hearts. We must not be harsh with ourselves, nor should we force the other person to do things our way. We must trust that we always have a choice.

It is recommended that individuals should endeavor to be authentic and genuine in their interactions and behaviors.

Hello, the questioner. It's as if seeing a friend's face when reading their handwriting.

Although the description is brief, it provides a helpful context for understanding your situation. You heard the other person express friendship from someone who doesn't usually say nice things to you. However, when you got closer, you realized that there were still some differences in understanding. You're wondering if there might be a way to bridge the gap.

How might one ascertain whether a friendship is a possibility?

I believe it would be beneficial to discuss these two topics.

First, you describe the other person as "someone who usually has a little verbal communication with me." In light of this, I would be grateful to learn more about the following:

1. Could you please clarify the frequency of the "slight verbal communication" between you two?

2. Could you please clarify how many "not many friendly words" the other person said?

3. Could you please elaborate on what the other person said about friendship?

4. When you approach the other person, you feel a great distance between you. Could you please describe your feeling?

I hope the above four points will help you understand that everyone has their own boundaries in relationships. When the relationship between two people has not yet been fully integrated, one side may choose to wait and see for the safety of both. Because understanding a person generally goes from shallow to deep, making friends is a matter that requires patience from both sides.

I would like to suggest that there is no absolute causal relationship between knowing people and making friends. While it is undoubtedly true that knowing people well can reduce the chance of making the wrong friends, it is also possible that if you protect yourself too well in the process of knowing people, you may miss many opportunities to get to know each other better.

After all this discussion, it seems there is one particular aspect that is worth considering. With regard to the matter of making friends, if we were to assign a score out of 10, how many points would you be willing to accept in terms of openness?

Furthermore, since friendship is a mutual relationship, it is important to consider how open the other person is willing to be in this relationship.

It would be beneficial to first figure out these two things in order to have the best chance of building a relationship and managing it in a way that is mutually acceptable.

It is possible that the relationship boundaries of both parties may evolve over time, but the specific nature of these changes will depend on the collaborative efforts of both individuals within the relationship.

It is worth noting that good relationships tend to be reciprocal. This concept applies not only to romantic relationships, but also to friendships and family dynamics.

I hope you found this discussion helpful in gaining some insight into how to build and manage interpersonal relationships.

If I might offer one more thought, it would be this: the partner who truly likes and appreciates you is not necessarily the one who arrives first or the one who stays the longest, but rather the one who, once they arrive, will not leave easily.

I hope this message finds you well. I look forward to seeing you again if our paths cross in the future.