Why do some people like to exaggerate conflicts with others and get emotional?

Hello.

I'm going to share some of my feelings with you.

After carefully reading the title,

I think of a Satir quote:

We are connected by our similarities and grow through our differences.

It is clear that we and our friends have different views on separation in relationships.

When we are so angry with someone,

It means we don't want to associate with each other anymore.

But friends are not like that.

He can absolutely continue the relationship after a heated outburst.

I am of the opinion that in this regard…

There is no right or wrong here.

Everyone makes their own choices.

We respect our friend's choices, but we also respect our own.

We must understand his interaction patterns.

We will deal with it more easily next time.

As the saying goes,

I don't agree with what you said, but I will defend to the death your right to speak.

Furthermore, it is evident that my friend's mood swings are more pronounced.

It's like a roller coaster ride.

He thinks all the mistakes are in the other person.

He is completely in the right.

He must be able to stand in your shoes and consider your feelings.

He needs to stop indulging in his own emotions and feelings.

He thinks the other person is good and an angel.

When things go wrong, he wishes the other person would disappear forever.

He clearly has difficulty integrating his view of a person.

These points make me curious about the friend's level of mentalization.

I'd like to know more about that.

Why do you think you want to listen to him?

I want to heal him.

You must fulfill his needs.

He chose you as the person to confide in.

I'd like to know your thoughts on this.

The above is just a taste of what I feel.

I am your psychological listener. I will be with you every step of the way, listening to you and supporting you. You are never alone.

Firstly, I would like to extend my sincerest apologies for any inconvenience caused. It is evident that you are a kind-hearted individual who is eager to provide comfort to your friends when they are in a bad mood. However, you have recently encountered a unique individual who displays intense emotional reactions when he is sad, yet swiftly recovers afterwards. This has undoubtedly caused some confusion on your part.

Have you ever considered that this may be his method of releasing stress?

Individuals have varying methods of expressing their emotions. Some may choose to consume alcohol to relieve stress, while others engage in physical activities such as running or boxing. Some may find solace in music, while others may choose to express their emotions through tears or even profanity.

From your description, it can be seen that your friend is likely to vent by "pouring out his grievances." When chatting with you, he has already expressed his negative emotions, and after doing so, he will no longer hold a grudge against the person who initially provoked him. This is why the two of them made up again when you saw him again.

Regarding the aforementioned discussion, it appears that the individual in question has forgotten the matter. Erhoo believes there are two potential explanations. The first is that the individual does not wish for others to be aware of their emotional state and therefore does not disclose it, perhaps due to embarrassment.

The second possibility is that he does not perceive any issue with this phenomenon. He may believe that individuals typically express their emotions and then resume their normal behavior. Erhoo considers this to be a more probable scenario.

The other issue is how to interact with this type of person. If he rarely becomes emotional and doesn't engage in extreme behavior when he does, it may be advisable to be accommodating and assume that he has not expressed his negative emotions towards you.

In the event that the individual in question frequently vents negative emotions on you, or if there is a risk of self-harm or harm to others when this occurs, it is advisable to learn how to protect yourself.

Dear Landlord, I hope that my response will prove to be of some assistance to you.

Indeed, I also have numerous acquaintances who exemplify these characteristics, including my own mother, younger brother, and husband. Previously, I was unable to comprehend these distinctions. However, after studying psychology, I learned that individuals with varying temperaments exhibit disparate emotional responses and behavioral patterns. Additionally, I gained insight into the differences between the emotional and rational brain. This knowledge has enabled me to better comprehend and accept their behavior, and, as a result, their actions no longer exert as much influence over me.

Please find below a list of my thoughts, which you are welcome to reference.

1. The choleric temperament is typified by a proclivity for impulsivity and irritability, though these emotions tend to dissipate rapidly.

The subject in question has a conflict with another individual, during which he utters expletives directed at the other person, thereby conveying the impression that he is prepared to sever the friendship and even engage in extreme behaviour. This is a typical behavioural response of an individual with a choleric temperament.

A detailed examination of the characteristics of the choleric temperament is now in order. The choleric temperament represents one of four distinct temperamental types. It is typified by rapid and intense emotions, as well as rapid, intense, and powerful actions.

Individuals exhibiting this temperament are typically enthusiastic, straightforward, energetic, impatient, prone to sharp mood swings, emotionally expressive, and extroverted.

The choleric temperament is also known as the irrepressible or combative type. Individuals with this temperament are extroverted, active, and intuitive, with strong excitatory processes and relatively weak depressive processes. When they become excited, they respond quickly, act nimbly, and express strong and rapid emotions verbally and non-verbally.

Those with this temperament are particularly prone to impulsivity. When they are in an emotional state, they are unable to control themselves, and they may say things that are particularly hurtful or behave in a particularly aggressive manner. However, their emotions come and go quickly, and when they are not in an emotional state, they are able to recall their previous emotional state with difficulty.

To illustrate, the Monkey King in Journey to the West is an exemplar of the choleric temperament type.

The concept of temperament types is one that is considered to be innate and difficult to change. Indeed, there is no such thing as a good or bad temperament type. Rather, it is possible to make use of the advantages of our respective temperaments and give them full play in order to create value that is unique to our characteristics.

2. Given an understanding of the mechanisms of the human brain, it is challenging for an individual to engage in rational thinking when they are experiencing intense emotions.

The transmission of information from the external environment to the brain typically occurs via two distinct pathways. The first is the short pathway, which involves the thalamus and amygdala. The second is the long pathway, which involves the thalamus and the cingulate gyrus, followed by the corresponding cortex in various regions of the brain and ultimately the amygdala.

The amygdala serves as a "mental sentry" in the brain, overseeing emotional processes. Some psychological texts employ the metaphor of a short circuit as an "emotional brain" and a long circuit as a "rational brain."

In addition to the disparity in pathway length, the quantity of information conveyed by these two pathways is also markedly disparate.

The brief pathway from the thalamus to the amygdala can only convey a limited amount of information and is characterized by its rapidity. In the event of an imminent threat, such as an attack by a predator, the brain will rapidly transmit information to the amygdala, which will then elicit an immediate response, either to fight or to flee.

The long pathway is capable of carrying a substantial amount of information and processing it in a more nuanced manner. This enables the brain to engage in comprehensive cognitive processes, including deliberation, evaluation, and the formulation of rational decisions.

It should be noted that the long pathway also has a longer response time.

The emotional brain is also referred to as the "primitive brain." Over the course of millions of years of evolution, the "primitive brain" has facilitated the survival of humans by enabling them to evade predators and avoid danger. It can be argued that this brain region has played a pivotal role in human history. In contrast, the rational brain has a relatively shorter evolutionary history and is less readily automatable.

Therefore, when your friend has a conflict with someone else, his emotional brain will be triggered, causing him to enter combat mode. Given that his temperament type is choleric, he will appear to be particularly aggressive. He is not grumpy, as you have suggested, but rather appears as though he is about to break out. However, when he returns to a state of rational brain, he will naturally not be so impulsive, but will adopt a more objective and rational attitude towards others. Consequently, you will observe such a difference in his performance in different scenarios.

3. What is the method for achieving this?

After listening to the explanation and analysis, it is now possible to comprehend your friend's behavior. Indeed, when a conflict arises, he himself is unable to control his emotions. Subsequently, he may have already forgotten what he said, but we still remember it very clearly and take it seriously, which causes us significant distress.

It is therefore important to understand why he behaves in this way in order to comprehend his actions. Once it is recognised that what he says when he is angry cannot be taken seriously, it becomes evident that his statements should not be taken at face value. This is because when a person is in the throes of an emotion, their words are perceived as offensive and are driven by a desire to release their anger. Conversely, when they are in a state of reason, they are less aggressive and refrain from uttering such "angry words".

It can be argued that in order to communicate effectively with another individual, it is essential to create a harmonious atmosphere. Only when the atmosphere is conducive to positive interaction can there be an exchange between the rational and emotional brains. When the emotional brain is involved, communication becomes more challenging.

I posit that if I were in your position, I would adopt a less emotionally invested approach the next time he engages in emotional discourse. I would serve as a passive listener and facilitate his catharsis in the moment. This approach would prevent our emotional involvement from becoming so profound that we are unable to disengage later, if necessary.

Indeed, his emotions are his own, and it is not our responsibility to bear them. Being a companion and a listener can provide him with support and strength, while simultaneously safeguarding our own emotional boundaries.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial. Best regards,

Hello,

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I've read the post and it seems like the poster is confused by his friend's behavior.

I also noticed that you've been proactive in seeking help, which will undoubtedly help you to better understand and get to know your friend, as well as understand human nature better.

Next, I'll share some observations and thoughts from the post that might help the poster gain a more diverse perspective.

1. The emotional brain

The post says that the host's friend had a conflict with someone else and would say some harsh things to curse the other person. This made people think that the friend would break with that person and even do something extreme. I'm very worried about him and keep comforting him.

First of all, from what I can tell, the host is a kind and fair person.

Let's also think about why our friends act this way. Our brains have two different parts: an emotional part and a rational part.

And often, when our emotions are running high, our logic goes out the window. When we're facing a major conflict, it's not uncommon for our logical brain to take a backseat to our emotional brain.

What are the characteristics of the emotional brain? According to psychological research, once the emotional brain is activated, it may make people enter a state of either fighting or running away.

Fighting means I'm confident of victory, or at least a draw. What's the meaning of running away?

If you can't beat them, just run away. It's an ability we've evolved over time to help us survive.

When a friend has a fierce conflict with his friend, it's actually his emotional brain going online, and he responds to the pressure, which is fighting. So, what happens in a fight?

It's a win-lose situation. What if you want to win?

Is he trying to prove he's right?

Even if you can't prove you're right, you have to prove others are wrong. That's the only way to win.

So, do you have a better grasp on your friend's behavior now?

2. What are the benefits of your friend doing this?

Let's think back to a time when we've had a conflict with a friend and had a big fight. At that time, would we have wanted to find a good friend to confide in?

We can also look at the advantages of talking to ourselves. I think there are many benefits to seeking you out to talk, as a friend.

One way to deal with strong emotions is to let them out. This can be as simple as crying when you're sad. Once you've released your emotions, you may feel calmer.

On the other hand, the more he talks about the other person's flaws, the more he's proving he's right, right?

If I'm right, it means the other person is wrong. And if that's the case, I've won.

Third, if you talk about it in a serious way, you can still get their attention and find comfort.

It might even try to get your colleagues on side to prove it's right. Of course, this is just my perspective, and it may not be entirely accurate. But it can serve as a reference for the original poster.

3. All relationships have ups and downs.

The host mentioned in the post that the friend cursed at him the next day and laughed as usual, as if nothing had happened. This made the host feel puzzled and a little angry, and I can understand why you're upset.

It's important to remember that any relationship has two sides: good and bad. Bad times are real, but so are good times.

How do you see this? It's basically just that the relationship hasn't broken up because there's still this one part of it that's good.

The good may outweigh the bad. Plus, a solid relationship can handle some conflict and contradiction, and it can also weather a certain amount of aggression.

It's like a container that's inclusive.

So, there might be some conflicts and contradictions in their relationship, but there's also this positive side to it. So, in the future, the host can sometimes stop worrying so much about their relationship.

I hope this has been helpful and inspiring for you. If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach for one-on-one communication and exchange.

Hello, question owner! First, I want to give you a big hug. I imagine that when faced with such a friend, you are both confused and inexplicably angry and aggrieved. You are confused because your friend is like two different people before and after they vent – it's so interesting to see how different they can be!

You feel inexplicably angry and aggrieved because your friend has aroused your emotions and you have followed her in sharing her hatred. You have nowhere to turn to vent your emotions, and after she has vented, she feels relaxed and fine. At the same time, she thinks that you have overreacted and made a big deal out of nothing. This really makes you mad and annoyed! Hugs to you again!

Having such a friend who is a bit of a handful is a real adventure for you!

So, you ask, how do you get along with such a friend? How can you tactfully refuse your friend's fierce ranting?

It's clear from your question that you value the friendship between you and your friend! Otherwise, you would have simply broken off contact and not come to the advice platform to ask a question.

So it can be seen that you not only cherish this friend, but you are also a person who pays attention to methods. You want to continue to get along with this friend, but also not get tired of it. This is an exciting challenge for you! It requires you to better understand what is really going on with your friend.

As I said in the first paragraph, your friend is quite dramatic. The word "dramatic" is a slang term that is a transliteration of the word "drama." It means that this person is very dramatic and exaggerated, and it's a personality trait that can be quite entertaining to watch! In personality psychology, this personality trait is similar to the "showboat personality." They like to immerse themselves in a certain intense state at the moment, and it's fascinating to see how this intense state makes her feel both nervous and excited. Others find it unpleasant to watch her, but in fact she is very happy inside. The point of happiness is to vent and curse without hesitation, and to pour out her inner thoughts about others. Most importantly, there are people watching, people who will go through the ups and downs with her. She enjoys the state of pouring out and being noticed, and the feeling of her own "performance" driving the emotions and nerves of the audience. They like to be the focus of the crowd, or they long to be the focus of the crowd but cannot, so they satisfy this desire by dragging people who are willing to listen to her.

This means she has two sides to her personality! One day she is furious, and the next day she is fine as if nothing had happened. This is because she has already satisfied her two inner needs of "venting" and "performing" the day before, so she thinks the matter has been resolved and there is no need to think about it anymore.

So, here's the thing. People with an acting personality are often afraid to face problems head-on. But here's the good news: they're also great at avoiding them! One way to avoid problems is to vent and seek attention from others behind their backs. And as for the difficulties she faces in making friends? They're not the most important thing! For example, she curses loudly at others, but in fact, the problem may not be entirely with the person being cursed at. It's possible that she also has her own problems. But here's the best part: in her heart, "feeling good" and "getting attention for her own happiness" are the most important things! And solving the problems she faces in reality is not as important. So, there you have it!

However, such a person also has her merits, such as being lively, generous, bold, and frank. You don't have to be on your guard against her using underhanded tactics against friends. Although she has a bad temper, it comes and goes quickly, and you don't have to worry about her holding a grudge. She is willing to find someone to chat with, and is especially good at setting the mood when chatting. Her emotions are full and the atmosphere is just right, and you feel a sense of relief when talking to her. I think she may have other merits, which is why even if she treats you as a receiver of negative emotions and considers you her audience, you still want to continue being friends with her.

I've got some great tips for you on how to get along with such a person and avoid discomfort in your relationship with her!

Once you understand why she is so intense and the inner needs behind her intensity (to pour out and be noticed), you will be able to face her intensity with greater equanimity. Even if you appear to be going along with her performance and sharing her hatred, you will be clear inside: this is just how she is. Once she has poured out and received the attention she needs, she will be fine. So your emotions will not really be carried away by her, and your nerves will not really be affected by her.

If you feel tired during her performance, let her do the talking! You can just sit back and enjoy the show. This will satisfy her desire to perform and vent, and you'll also save energy and strength. When she is emotional, it is futile to try to reason with her. You can simply respond, or even respond without words. Some expressions and body language can also respond to your friend, letting her feel that you are paying attention to her.

Once she's calm, you can help her face reality and solve problems head-on! The more she faces problems head-on, the more self-knowledge she'll have, the easier it'll be for her to return to reason, and her emotional reactions and desire to perform will fall accordingly. When she's scolding others, you can keep your emotions and nerves from being led astray by her, and you can also keep your cognitive level from being led astray by her. You can respond to her verbally or non-verbally, and you can remain objective, neutral, and calm inside. You can see through what problems your friend really has, rather than actually following her lead in blaming the person being scolded!

It's a bit like the work of a counselor. Although the counselor listens to and accepts the visitor, he or she does not necessarily agree with the visitor completely. These are a bit difficult for you, but they will exercise your thinking skills and emotional control—and you'll be so glad you did!

If you're looking for a more direct approach, here's a suggestion: "Use magic to defeat magic" and respond to her rants and intense state in the way she is most adept at. You can also point out your friend's problems bluntly, so that she faces her own problems head-on instead of avoiding them by cursing behind her back. The risk of doing this is that she will feel that you are no longer on the same page and the relationship could easily fall apart for a while. But as long as the analysis you provide for her is reasonable and for her benefit, and you understand what is going on, then a reasonable person will not really fall out with you. The reason you dare to do this is also because of her characteristic of emotions coming quickly and going quickly.

The good news is that you can convince her with reason and move her with emotion by pointing out her own problems and finding practical and effective solutions to the specific problems she faces. For example, what is really going on between her and her foul-mouthed friend? Can she see the problem? Is it caused by the limitations of her thinking, a problem with emotional management, or some behavior that has caused misunderstandings between them?

Oh, the possibilities! Why doesn't she just go and talk to her friend who swears directly to resolve the problem, but instead vents to others behind her back? Has she ever thought about the reason?

Once again, if she is a smart and sensible person, you'll be amazed at how much she'll appreciate your kindness when she calms down and reflects on it. You've helped her grow by making her aware of her limitations and problems in time. However, if she is a confused person, or someone who pretends to be confused when she knows the answer, or if she just wants to find an emotional trash can to satisfy her need to perform, then it's probably not the best use of your time and effort.

And it's a great way to get to know people!

I'm so excited to present you with the pros and cons of the above suggestions! It's totally up to you and your friends which one you prefer and which one you're good at. I really hope you and your friends will find a way to get along with each other comfortably soon and grow together!

I read the problem the questioner mentioned carefully. This kind of situation is not uncommon in real life. The questioner is eager to listen to others, but this eagerness also brings trouble. Let's understand this matter this way.

✍?1. There's no reason to become a "two-faced person."

It is the actual emotions that matter.

The questioner is certain that your friend is not pretending to be emotional. She believes that this is how she truly feels. It's not that she doesn't feel emotional when something happens to her. It's that she is directing such intense emotions at you rather than the person involved.

The hidden nature of emotions

People hide their emotions for a reason. For example, the person TA is dealing with may have a bad relationship with them, and a real breakup would bring instability to TA themselves. It could be a matter of interests, it could be a matter of image, or it could even just be a sense of insecurity, a sense of insecurity about the unknown that comes from breaking the status quo. This is quite complicated.

This helps them maintain the relationship, and it prevents your friend from becoming constantly depressed by negative emotions. TA believes this is beneficial.

?2. Choices with oneself as the main body

❅Each has a choice.❅

Your friend made a choice, and you have the power to decide how you want to respond. You can choose to accept their actions or not. There's no need to blame them. They made a choice they thought was best, and you can make your own choice too. Let's figure out the reason behind it.

3. Be cautious when confiding in others.

❅Emotional control❅

The above incident also demonstrates that inappropriate confiding causes problems. We must therefore control our emotions, avoid transferring a lot of emotions to a third party, and reasonably control the extent and manner of confiding to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.

Be cautious with empathy.

Empathy is a vital human ability and reflects a person's emotional experience. Positive empathy ensures we maintain a kind heart, but we must also address how to prevent empathy from becoming excessive.

People's experiences are always different. When we hear about someone else's experience, we must avoid comparing it to our own similar experiences. Otherwise, we will blur our perception of the degree and become indignant and sentimental about various things. Even if the degree of the matter is far less than what we have experienced, we will subjectively amplify it. Other people's experiences are never our own, and some emotional experiences are also incomparable.

Note: This part is what we should pay attention to. It's not that others are malicious, but rather that they haven't handled the aforementioned situations well, resulting in issues and misunderstandings. We will avoid such mistakes in the future, which is a form of reflection and growth.

I am confident that this will be helpful.

Oh my goodness, baby, hug that sensitive and enthusiastic you! ??

It's so great that your friend comes to you to vent every time he has a conflict with someone else. It shows how much he trusts you and feels safe confiding in you.

What bothers you is that your friend curses the other person angrily every time, and he even does something extreme, which makes you feel very worried about him and constantly reassure him. But the next day, he is calm as usual and will not understand your worries.

This is so fascinating! Do you think he feels like he's breaking up with his friend, or does he feel that way?

It seems that your friend is just letting off steam, and the anger you feel towards him is even greater than his!

Isn't it fascinating how some random thing someone else says can have such a huge impact on our emotions? In psychology, this phenomenon is called "unclear boundaries."

What is a clear boundary? It's being yourself, no matter what others do!

You said, "Could it be that he was faking his intense emotions before? How do you understand such people and their behavior?"

When you have a conflict with someone, you are definitely angry inside. And that's okay! In the moment of anger, some people will choose to suppress it, some will choose to express it, and some will choose to look for their own problems and turn to self-blame.

I'd love to know which one you'd choose! It seems your friend chose to express himself, which is great!

He made a brilliant decision: he chose not to express his anger directly, but to let an outsider like you express his anger for him.

Once you've expressed your anger, you can move on to more positive things! Any resentment you may have built up will soon be dispelled.

So the next day, he was back to acting as usual!

"How do you get along with such a person, and how do you tactfully refuse to let him vent his emotions at you next time?"

Obviously, this way of interacting makes you feel uncomfortable. But that's okay! How do you get along with such a friend?

First, take a look at your friend's personality traits!

Your friend is very straightforward and has a great sense of propriety. He gets into conflicts with other people, but he's not afraid to face them head-on. He knows that he still has to get along with them, so he chooses to talk to someone else about it instead of intensifying the conflict face-to-face.

I'd love to know how you think you should get along with someone like this!

Second, you can choose the way that makes you feel comfortable!

Your friend gets angry quickly but also forgets quickly. He is not the type to hold a grudge, which is great because it means you can choose the way you feel comfortable with him!

If you're both comfortable in the same way, you'll be happy!

If your way of being comfortable is not the way he is comfortable, he will adjust quickly, right?

And finally, you can express your feelings to him!

For example, "Every time you angrily scold someone, I worry that you might break up, but the next day, you're just as usual as before, and I feel like I overreacted, which makes me feel really uncomfortable."

Now, see how your friend responds!

Dear, Here's something really interesting to think about. All discomfort may come from our internal projection. So, go and discover the unique feelings in the process of interacting with friends!

Be aware of where these feelings come from, whether they are from the other person or from yourself. If they are from the other person, give them back to the other person; if they are from yourself, keep them to yourself.

Embrace what you can, and make the changes you can!

I really do wish you all the very best in your relationships!