Why do we argue when we want to have a good chat with our mothers?

Hello. I can see that you're confused and disoriented. This is clearly an issue of family "sovereignty." It seems that you and your mother are in dispute over child rearing, but your argument is based on your own perceived ability and your mother's perceived ability. The issue is not about which method is better for the child, but who is more capable of nurturing the child. You believe you are right, and your mother believes she is right. The root of the problem is the struggle for "family sovereignty."

Here's the solution:

1. Don't let emotions and thoughts get in the way when differences arise. Anger is our most primitive way of making the other person submit. If both parties try to make the other submit through anger, they'll just end up stuck in a dead end and won't be able to solve the problem. Instead, use reasoning to lead both parties to a rational thinking stage, and you'll find many problems will be solved.

2. The issue of autonomy and self-esteem can be approached using the problem separation method. The sense of control comes from autonomy. When your mother tries to control you and change your mind, she is infringing on your autonomy, and you will resist.

Similarly, when you try to change your mother's mind, she will instinctively resist. It is crucial to respect everyone's way of thinking and dignity, which is the fundamental principle of the problem separation method.

Issue separation is the process of distinguishing between your own issues and those of others. The person responsible for the outcome of an issue is the one who owns that issue.

Good morning. My name is Huang Xiaolu.

It is important to identify and consider exceptions to the general rule.

It is evident that whenever the host and her mother engage in communication, it invariably culminates in a dispute. However, it is plausible that this does not occur with the same frequency.

It is possible that there was at least one occasion when you engaged in a calm and constructive dialogue with your mother about a particular issue. Could you please describe what transpired on that occasion?

This exception can assist in identifying a positive aspect within the context of ongoing disagreements, thereby facilitating a shift towards a more constructive outlook. In this instance, it is possible to discern the differences between our mother's needs and our own needs, which may help to clarify the underlying causes of the conflict.

Additionally, it is pertinent to inquire as to whether the conflict between you and your mother is primarily due to the relationship between your mother-in-law and your wife, as is often the case when a mother-in-law resides with her son's family. Alternatively, it may be more accurate to conclude that the conflict between you and your mother is primarily due to the relationship between you and your wife. It would be beneficial to ascertain your wife's perspective on the content of your arguments. Furthermore, it is crucial to determine whether your guilt can be alleviated by communicating with your wife. Similarly, it is essential to ascertain whether the conflict between you and your mother can be alleviated by your wife's mediation.

The following content may facilitate an examination of the underlying causes and potential strategies for addressing this issue in the future.

1. "Frequently, my mother's habits diverge from ours, and I am compelled to advocate for her to rear the children in accordance with my own approach, which often results in discord."

In general, mothers are the individuals with whom one has had the closest relationship during one's upbringing. It is therefore unsurprising that many of one's habits and behaviours may have been influenced by the behavioural education received from one's parents. The question thus arises as to why there are differences between oneself and one's mother.

Is the reason for this discrepancy in parenting styles due to the relatively brief period of time you lived with your mother?

Is it because you have consistently disagreed with your mother's approach?

Alternatively, perhaps you allowed your mother to monopolize your attention for an extended period, during which you developed your own ideas and perspectives.

It is also possible that the issue lies with the individual themselves and that they are projecting their own insecurities and behaviours onto their mother. This could be due to the fact that there are certain patterns of behaviour that are similar between the two, which causes the individual to identify with their mother and to perceive aspects of themselves that they do not like.

This is an opportunity to identify the underlying cause of your distress and to express your feelings, including anger, guilt, sadness, pain, and fear.

The objective is to establish a collaborative approach to child-rearing that allows each parent to raise their children in a manner that aligns with their individual values and preferences. It is essential to recognize that both parents have an inherent right to autonomy and that no single individual can exert control over the other. To achieve this, it is crucial to define the respective roles and responsibilities of each parent in the context of child-rearing at home. This will facilitate a more harmonious and effective division of tasks, ultimately reducing potential conflicts and fostering a more cooperative environment.

It is a natural consequence that parents are the primary educators of their children, and that children form their own habits by following their parents' example.

It would be beneficial to encourage your grandparents to live their own lives, reduce the time and energy they spend on raising grandchildren, and allow them to focus on themselves. Gradually establishing mutual boundaries would also be advantageous.

The concept of boundaries has been discussed in numerous psychological Q&A sessions. In essence, each individual possesses their own life. While we care for one another, we also respect each other and refrain from interfering with one another's lives. It is possible that the original poster's mother has consistently assumed a dominant role since his childhood, influencing his decisions by imposing her own perspectives.

Subsequently, the individual in question experienced a sense of autonomy and respite following their marriage.

Given that you are now residing together, you have reverted to the sentiments you initially held, which the host deems a violation of his autonomy.

It is therefore necessary to affirm the mother's efforts.

It would be beneficial to arrange other personal interests in life for your mother, such as square dancing.

It is recommended that a discussion be held with your wife regarding the upbringing of the children. In the event that you and your wife hold differing views or opinions, it is advised that these be raised in a private setting and that your wife's educational philosophy not be dismissed in the presence of the children.

It would be beneficial to discuss with your mother and wife the potential advantages of each having their own living space. In addition to the responsibilities of childcare and meal preparation, it may be helpful to consider the possibility of each individual focusing on their own tasks.

If an error is committed by the couple, the mother is entitled to offer criticism and guidance. However, this should be done in a manner that does not involve the children.

2. "Following a dispute, I experience considerable irritation, and my mother displays a similar level of anger, frequently uttering statements such as 'I am worthless' and so forth."

Mothers employ this method of self-devaluation and self-inflicted anguish to instill feelings of unfilial behavior in their children, thereby exerting control over their actions. Is it not often the case that one's desire to act or stand firm is thwarted by the actions of one's mother?

If this is indeed the pattern, then it is necessary to adopt a grateful and dutiful attitude towards the mother, while simultaneously maintaining a firm stance on matters pertaining to one's own family and personal growth. This may prove challenging initially, but it will ultimately assist the mother in lightening the additional burden she has placed upon herself, while also enabling her to empathise with the difficulties she is facing.

3. "Feeling powerless"

Every day, you interact with the four members of your family and strive to maintain a positive self-image as a husband, father, and son. You aim to perform well and even excel, but it is not realistic to expect perfection. It is challenging to control the actions of others; you can only manage your own actions. Therefore, it is important to relinquish responsibilities that do not belong to you and focus on your own role. Each family member possesses unique insights and abilities. The wife, for instance, is adept at navigating relationships and is sensitive to the nuances of family dynamics. The child, on the other hand, has their own aspirations for happiness and does not require a conventional education or rigid structure. They simply need a supportive family environment. The mother, too, has her own ideas and ways of achieving happiness. It is essential to provide her with the space to express herself and to support her in becoming the person she wants to be.

The landlord should facilitate a transfer of responsibilities from his wife to her original position as a mother within the family unit. This would allow for a constructive dialogue between all family members.

The landlord should transfer the responsibility of parenting back to his mother. If she attempts to fulfill this role excessively and inadequately, the child will provide feedback.

The landlord must recognize that the child is an autonomous individual and that parental education is important, but that what the landlord does is of even greater consequence.

Ultimately, it is my hope that the host will be able to adjust his high standards for himself as a husband, father, and son. While personal growth is always a worthwhile pursuit, it is of paramount importance that the host maintains a positive and happy demeanor, as this is what the family needs most. The ultimate goal, it can be said, is a happy and harmonious family.

Ultimately, it is my hope that the host will be able to adjust his expectations of himself in the roles of husband, father, and son. While striving for personal growth is important, it is of greater consequence that the host experiences happiness, joy, and positivity, which are essential for a harmonious family. The ultimate objective is a family that is happy and joyful.

This question from the original poster brings to mind a situation that many people may encounter in their daily lives. Despite their best efforts, they may find that the result is not quite what they had hoped for, or even goes in a different direction.

So, what might be the reason? If you want to do something well, you can do it; if you don't do it well, you can also take responsibility for that. Your ideas and actions are like this and like that, so naturally there will be that kind of "fighting" situation, and time and energy are spent, but the problem might not be solved.

From a psychological perspective, this situation could be seen as a conflict between the conscious self and the subconscious self, which may be too intense, resulting in the conscious self losing to the subconscious self.

In the question, the author seeks to engage in a constructive dialogue with her mother. She is aware that such a conversation could potentially help her mother in her role of caring for the children, thereby alleviating some of the pressure on her and her husband.

The questioner may also have the idea that she wants her mother to raise the child in the way she thinks is right. This idea is similar to the previous one in that both involve raising a child, but there is an additional condition: "in the way the questioner thinks is right." This could be interpreted as a request for her mother to make decisions based on the questioner's perspective, which might restrict her thinking. It's important to recognize that the mother is an individual with her own thoughts and experience raising children. Her past experience raising children might affect her thoughts and actions when raising her grandchildren, which is an uncontrollable factor. The questioner is asking her mother to do something she cannot do, which could lead to conflicts and arguments between them.

It might be helpful for the questioner to consider what they are hoping to gain and express by wanting their mother to bring up the children in a certain way. It is understandable that the mother and the questioner may have different ideas and concepts, given that they grew up in different eras, have different social and living environments, and have had different educations. It is also normal for people from the same era to have different ideas and concepts, as everyone is an independent individual with their own unique thoughts and needs.

If the questioner would like his mother to help with the children, it might be helpful to first consider how to accept her uniqueness, resolve his own inner turmoil, and then discuss it with his wife before making a decision.

1

Hello, landlord. After reading your words, I feel powerless and helpless at this stage. I don't know if you are having your first or second child, but if it's the second, it will make a difference.

It's clear that you've just had a child. Having a child is a significant challenge for any couple or small family.

At this stage, you will also require a great deal of support from your parents. Balancing work, family and your children's needs can lead to conflict. Many people will face similar challenges to those you are currently experiencing.

I am certain this will make you feel better.

Raising children, taking on responsibilities, and dealing with the pressures of life, family, and work is difficult for everyone.

2

You also mentioned that you are annoyed that your wife and children always hear the arguments with your mother. This is something you need to address. Another point is that you said you had many arguments with your mother, and these arguments also made you feel powerless. But there seems to be one thing you didn't say, and that is that it seems you have a good relationship with your wife. With such a foundation, your problems will actually be relatively much easier to solve.

If the foundation of your family is stable, it will be easier to resolve conflicts outside the family. You mentioned that you are annoyed that your wife and children hear arguments with your mother.

If the foundation of your family is stable, it will be easier to resolve conflicts. You mentioned that you are annoyed that your wife and children hear your arguments with your mother.

You must also accept responsibility and commitment in this situation.

3

3

Third, I believe you have a complex set of emotions towards your mother. There is a strong sense of anger, but also a deep-seated expectation.

It's infuriating when your mother calls you incompetent. You feel powerless and frustrated. You want her to see your strength, but she doesn't. You've lost a lot of trust and confidence as a result.

If you can truly see some of the real emotions in your interactions with your mother, you can get out of this feeling of powerlessness. Your mother's words do not reflect reality.

You started a family and formed a small household. You became a father. You care for your wife and child's emotions. You also hope to communicate well with the mother. You have done all of these things. The mother does not say you are incompetent.

You have to step outside of the emotions and see the real you and the other person. The interaction between you is not exactly what you think, or what the mother said it was like. These are words that carry a lot of emotion.

We may even forget what we said when we were very emotional.

4

You should also consider your child's age. When we raise children, it can trigger unresolved issues from our own early years with important caregivers.

This is an excellent chance for you to get to know yourself and understand the dynamics between you and those who have played an important role in your life.

Your wife is also an important person in your life. She can help you resolve conflicts with your mother by reminding you to take a step back and calm down. This can reduce the frequency of arguments.

If this situation is seriously affecting your current state, it will also affect your small family and the growth of your children. You need to go to a psychodynamic counselor to help you explore the conflicts between you and your mother. This will help improve the current relationship in your family. I wish you the best.

If this situation is seriously affecting your current state, it will also affect your small family and the growth of your children. You should go to a psychodynamic counselor to help you explore the conflicts between you and your mother. This will improve the current relationship in your family. I wish you the best of luck.

Dear questioner, Hello!

After reading your words, I feel like I'm looking at a sad man who's struggling with life's challenges and feeling overwhelmed. I really hope I'm wrong about how I feel!

From what you've told me, it seems like the problem in your family isn't just a bad relationship between your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It seems like there's a bigger issue at play, and it's between your mother and you.

Before asking your parents to help with childcare, it's a great idea to think about what they can do, what they will do, and how they will do it when they come. It's also a good idea to tell them what you and your spouse expect of them.

This is a bit like when our company recruits employees. If there is a position that needs to be filled, then what kind of person is needed for that position, and what skills does the person applying for the position need to have? These are all things that a company will consider when recruiting. If we ask parents for help, shouldn't we also consider these things first? When we work, we talk about matching abilities, matching positions, and all kinds of matching degrees. In fact, it's the same in life!

Let's say your mom isn't super educated but you're always telling her to raise you according to books, stories, nursery rhymes, games, and so on. It's a lot to take in! Especially when you consider that her knowledge might not be at the same level as what's in those books. It'd be like climbing up to the moon! And it'd be even harder for her to relearn new things. Plus, she didn't do this when you were little, so she doesn't have much experience in this area.

For example, if your sweet mother is used to a more relaxed lifestyle, but you require her to keep the house clean and tidy every day, with everything in its place and the windows clean, this will be a big challenge for her.

For example, the mother's personal hygiene habits may not be so good, and she is more sloppy. You require her to bathe and cut her fingernails every day, change into different slippers when entering and leaving different rooms, etc. This is simply a bit of a challenge for her, and the conditions are too harsh for her to remember.

So, when you want to use someone, it's really important to first know what you need that person to do. Then, you can find the perfect person for the job!

If you want to solve the problem at hand, it might help to first sort out your own needs, then find the areas in which your mother is competent, and then have a good chat with her.

For example, if you need your mother to cook because she makes delicious food, then don't let her do the child-rearing. You two as a couple should take responsibility for that.

If you need your mom to help you with the kids' school run because she's not so great at cooking or childcare, but you're both snowed under at work, then just let her do it!

...

My advice to you is this: if you can't find a nanny to take your mother's place, find the things your mother can do, will do, and can achieve, and ask her to help your family grow. Look at the things your mother is good at and has an advantage in, and treat her with gratitude and kindness, so that everyone can get along harmoniously.

I really hope my advice can help you!

I really hope you have a happy family!

Hello, questioner.

We're all individuals with our own wills and habits. The other person is still your mother, and even though you were raised by her, you can't accept doing things your way.

You're doing a great job of recognizing that you're trying to control your mother's way of raising her children.

You say you can't help but want to control it, which is normal. Once an idea is deeply rooted in the mind, it's hard to get rid of it, and you can't help but keep thinking about it.

So, should the mother be the one to take care of the children? Is it possible for her to spend her old age in peace while letting a nanny take care of the children?

I have to respectfully disagree. Her mother was under no obligation to help with childcare.

Secondly, there's a saying that goes, "Changing oneself is divine, changing others is psychotic." If you can only let your mother take the child and have no other choice, and since you can't change the way your mother takes care of the child, you can only start by changing yourself.

Here's a simple technique for managing your thoughts: "Change your mind."

For instance, there's a friend whose mother is very particular about cleanliness and frugality. She insists that pillowcases must be used on pillows and that they must be washed every day.

If you wash a pillowcase for too long, it will definitely rot. Once it rots, you can use it as a rag to wipe the table, as a tool to clean the toilet, and as a tool to wipe the stove.

In short, she used the pillowcase until it was no longer usable and then threw it away.

My friend initially struggled to accept her mother's habits. She saw her mother as a germaphobe and a miser, and she was okay with that. However, she also expected her family to adopt the same habits. This led to many conflicts.

Later on, my friend got interested in psychology and learned how to change her way of thinking. It's about how to change a negative thought about the same thing or behavior into a positive one.

Like this friend, after changing her way of thinking, she came to see her mother's behavior as self-discipline, tidiness, hard work, and thrift. The mother is still the same, but it's your own thoughts that have changed.

"Changing your mindset" takes practice. You can start by practicing a little at a time. When you look at your mother's approach, think more about the positive, sunny, and good things she did, and focus on those good feelings.

Also, tell your mother something nice. I'm the child's mother, and I've raised the child alone. Honestly, it's even more tiring than going to work.

I hope you can resolve your issues with your mother and that your baby grows up happy and healthy. I'm Chen Jia, and I'm sending you and your family my best wishes.

Hello, I'm Yan Shiqi. I'm honored to answer your question.

Your story shows that the questioner and her mother need to communicate better.

It's normal for two generations to have different opinions on life and child-rearing. But to communicate, you have to respect each other.

The questioner can think about how to ask for a babysitter and how to talk to the other person.

If you only think about your own way of communicating, it will be different.

We often don't communicate as well with loved ones as we would with strangers.

The questioner can treat his mother like a customer and communicate with her respectfully.

The mother's feedback must have also made the questioner feel bad.

Then we can listen to our mother's thoughts on her demands while respecting her.

When there are parenting conflicts, the questioner can act out scenarios to show their mother that they love the child and that they need her support.

Show your mother love and respect, and she will improve.

Family members will disagree, but they can still live together.

That's my answer. I hope it helps.

Greetings, I am Zhilin, a counselor.

As illustrated in your narrative, the advent of your child will entail a concomitant increase in your role as a father.

From the perspective of empathy, one's child can be viewed as analogous to one's relationship with one's mother. Consequently, if one desires one's mother to adhere to one's own wishes, it is analogous to if one's child were to similarly demand that one comply with their own wishes. It is therefore pertinent to consider whether one can respect one's child and their demands, or whether one can respect one's child as a person of a different generation and age with differing ideas.

The same can be said of communication between relatives or partners. When one individual requires assistance from another but persistently rejects their offers of help, the latter will experience considerable psychological discomfort.

If one attempts to alter the behavior of another individual, the first person to suffer is oneself. It is inherently challenging for people to change others, as it is already difficult to alter one's own thoughts and actions to control the behavior of others. Ultimately, the only way for people to change is through self-reflection and personal growth.

The initial step is to respect the other person as an autonomous individual with their own practices and perspectives. It is important to recognize the other person's status as an elder and to avoid hastily negating everything about them. Elders often value maintaining their dignity, and they may resist change. Attempting to negate their views will likely result in a reciprocal negation of your own.

The most expedient method for effecting change in another individual is to first alter one's own perception of others. Only when this occurs will one's loved ones become more relaxed and comfortable with each other, which will also influence one's elders to implement the desired changes. This, in turn, will facilitate communication.

From a psychological standpoint, an individual's relationship with their mother is inextricably linked to their relationship with their father. An unhappy parent-child dynamic can directly influence the relationship between mother and child. If the mother consistently displays criticism towards her child, it may be indicative of a lack of adequate care and love from her partner, potentially leading to an inability to love her child with genuine affection.

To understand why the subject is suffering, it's important to remember that he needs to trust and rely on his mother's help, but he also needs to accept that his mother has her own will and emotions. These two facts can sometimes be a bit conflicting, which can lead to power struggles between the subject and his mother over parenting.

It's totally normal for there to be a power struggle in a relationship like this. It might even come from reality, but it's also possible that it's related to how the subject has learned to interact with others and remember things. Let's say the subject was a well-behaved kid who was sensible and their mother was kind but a little controlling. When the subject followed their mother's requests, they might have unconsciously suppressed their own need for independence. This could have led to feelings of anger and dissatisfaction.

Then, when the subject has children and sees his mother's parenting style again, this interaction pattern or memory structure may be activated. And when it is activated, emotions are often the first to kick in. To use a metaphor, this memory structure contains emotions, and when it is activated again, emotions are the first to be revealed. Next, the subject will perceive himself as a child who needs to obey, and his mother as a controlling mother.

And this memory structure is what the subject dislikes now, so he wants to convince his mother to give up control.

It might be helpful for the questioner to try a few sessions of psychological counseling to gain insight into why he gets angry when he meets his mother. Once he becomes aware of the underlying reasons, he can learn to manage this emotion more effectively.

Hello!

From what you've told me, it seems like there's a lot of tension in the way you and your mother communicate, which makes you feel pretty powerless.

Arguing is a poor strategy to use when there's a disagreement and neither side can agree with the other's views or find a balance.

The reason is that you and your mother have different habits and different ideas about raising children. I think you're worried about the way children are raised. Young people are more open to new and advanced educational ideas and hope that the next generation will be better off. But what your mother hears might be a sense of rejection, and she might feel a bit hurt: "This is how I raised you, and now that you've grown up, you think my methods aren't good."

Your mother might be expressing her emotions through arguments. She's concerned about the emotions aroused by the denial of the parenting concepts she's followed for many years. It's possible that you're being reasonable, while your mother is being emotional.

How can I communicate effectively? It's important to listen and show empathy.

Listening is a two-way street. You've got to hear what the other person is feeling and what they need, but you've also got to make sure they understand you. Only by understanding both sides can you find a happy medium. If one party feels like they're not being understood, they should check the information to make sure they've heard and understood correctly.

Empathy is the ability to think from another person's perspective. Let her know that you appreciate all the hard work she's done raising you and that she has a lot of experience in raising the next generation. Show her you understand her feelings, and then suggest your scientific methods. She might be more open to your advice if you do this.

I'm just a person in the rain, but I hope my sharing can help you! Best wishes!

Good day.

"Following the birth of a child, the mother is expected to assume responsibility for childcare in collaboration with the wife. However, it is not uncommon for the mother's approach to differ significantly from yours."

It is accurate to conclude that there are significant discrepancies between the traditional approach to child-rearing and the contemporary mindset. Contemporary education prioritizes the psychological well-being and moral development of children, along with equipping them with essential skills for future growth. It is not your intention to engage in a dispute with your mother and you are not seeking to cause her distress.

It is natural to have differing views on how to raise the child. Your mother has considerable experience and is best placed to provide guidance on child-rearing. As her child, you have a unique perspective, but it is important to recognise that the baby will also have your wife and you as parents, and that they will all influence the child's development in different ways.

The mother and you share the same goal, and each of you is committed to doing your best for the common goal. Therefore, it would be beneficial to consider dividing responsibilities in terms of how to raise the child. You and your wife would mainly manage the "physical and mental education" of the child, while the mother would mainly manage the "physical education" of the child. This would allow you to support each other and learn from each other. With this concept, it is likely that conflicts could be reduced.

Best regards,

Hello!

It's tough for men to balance being a son, husband, and father.

Your differences with your mother often cause problems. It's hard to get older people to change their ways to suit younger people. They may think it's fine to spoil their children by giving them lots of sweets and not drinking enough water because that's how they were brought up.

The mother is old but happy to help. Be grateful. We get angry with our parents when we grow up, feeling they don't understand us. I think parents love their grandchildren, even if they're not scientific. It won't harm the child. Observe and communicate.

Patience and a happy environment help us change.

I hope this helps. Thanks.

To deal with conflicting ideas, communicate more. Explain your thoughts and the pros and cons to your elders. Let them change as much as they can. Spend more time with your children.

Let me give you an analogy. Imagine you and your mother are fighting over a key.

You want your mother to think you're right, she wants you to think she's right, and she wants to be heard.

You're fighting for the key to "I am right."

This is the way to resolve the issue.

See who gives up first. I think it'll be tough for the mother to give in.

First, try to let go of the idea or expectation that your mother will admit that you are right.

Think: "Yes, my mother is wrong to think I am wrong. I'm going to forgive her for this mistake for now. I'm not going to correct anything. I'm going to become an observer and watch what my mother is doing that I think is wrong. I'm not going to judge, I'm just going to watch. If I get angry at this moment, I'll just observe my anger along with my observation."

Once the mother has done things her own way, take a look at what actually happened in the end and what practical results this approach has brought. If there's a clear result, try to explore it neutrally with the mother.

The key is to stop trying to be right.

Sometimes this battle is hidden in seemingly logical discussions and debates. In fact, we're really trying to win the argument, not the matter itself.

If one of them decides they don't want to win, the game is over. Then we'll get back to the matter at hand.

Good day. I extend to you a 360-degree hug.

It is evident that there is a discrepancy in opinion between you and your mother regarding the optimal approach to raising the child. The source of the disagreement appears to be your desire for your mother to adhere to your specific parenting style, whereas your mother is pursuing a different approach.

It is important to recognise that everyone has their own unique psychological and behavioural patterns, which have been formed over a long period of time. In the case of your mother, her habits and the way she brings up children may have become fixed.

Naturally, despite being raised by your mother, people today are quite different from those of the past.

Historically, individuals have spent a significant portion of their lives learning within the family unit, with family members exerting a profound influence on their personal development.

The process of socialization for individuals in today's society begins at an earlier age, with the transition from home to society occurring at a younger age than was previously the case. The influence of external factors, including teachers, peer groups, society, and the media, is both earlier and more profound.

Furthermore, social changes are occurring at a rapid pace. What may have been a 10-year generation gap in the past may now be a 1-year generation gap. As a result, there may be significant generational differences between us and our parents in terms of perception and behavior.

It is also inevitable that, even in the absence of children and without engaging in discussions about child-rearing methods, there will be a wide range of behavioural patterns between the two generations.

It is unavoidable that these two generations will have disagreements when living under the same roof. However, as previously stated, there will always be differences between the two generations.

It is not appropriate to demand that our parents act in accordance with our expectations. Similarly, our parents may have expectations of us that differ from our own. This is an example of a fundamental conflict in perspectives.

It is equally challenging for individuals to alter their own behaviors as it is for parents to modify their expectations of their children.

In particular, the parents have different approaches to parenting. One is more experienced and has established routines and habits that are challenging to alter. The other has previously held a dominant role in parenting and has a psychological advantage in front of their children, making it more difficult to change their requests. In essence, this translates to a mindset of "I'll change if you say so, and I'll lose face."

As a result, I believe that if you simply inform your parents that you are unable to alter their established practices and that you require their cooperation, you may encounter resistance and potentially even an argument regarding filial piety.

However, there are some matters that are simply unchangeable. It is therefore essential to adopt a tactful approach when communicating with your mother.

First, gain an understanding of their behavior. From their perspective, they are acting in a manner they believe to be appropriate.

While we may not accept this approach, we can at least understand it.

Secondly, it is inadvisable to demand immediate change. This is a challenging process, and it may be helpful to consider the matter further with the aid of this informative audio presentation.

Third, minimize criticism of your mother. You may wish to consider sharing some scientific parenting knowledge with her, such as videos or parenting lectures, and then taking the initiative to subtly influence her behaviour. When you show respect and patience, she may be more open to considering your perspective.

Fourth, if it is not feasible to proceed in accordance with your preferred approach, then the mother should assume responsibility for the child's care when she is present. In such instances, you should assume responsibility for the child's care when you are present.

This will necessitate that you, as a couple, invest additional time in child care responsibilities.

Additionally, I have another hypothesis: Could the disagreements between you and your mother be a method of transferring other conflicts? After all, when you argue with your mother, she will not hold a grudge against you. However, this is not the case with other individuals.

Naturally, this is merely a conjecture, not a definitive statement, and the particular circumstances will vary depending on the individual case.

I am frequently both Buddhist and pessimistic, but I am also occasionally motivated and positive. I love you, the world, and I.

Good day.

It is challenging for the questioner to accept her mother.

She is a relative, and if you invite her to assume caretaking responsibilities, she will be expected to adhere to your guidance and practices, which may be the most appropriate for the situation. However, she is unlikely to comply. The more you attempt to communicate, the more she may attempt to demonstrate that her approach is the correct one.

From this, the questioner can see that her efforts have been in vain.

1. Is she the optimal candidate for child care responsibilities?

The challenge is that when a person is closely associated with you, they are often less inclined to adhere to the standards and procedures that govern employment.

The term "turning a blind eye" may be a colloquialism used by parents.

In the context of children's education, however, parents are increasingly aware of the significant impact that early years development can have on their children's future lives.

It is therefore evident that turning a blind eye is not an option.

It would be prudent to ascertain whether it would be beneficial to request assistance with childcare from the mother, as has been done by other individuals.

It may be helpful to consider this in the context of your family model.

2. Given the potential for improvement, how can her ability to enhance her skills be encouraged?

If you have evaluated the situation from a neutral standpoint, you will still have to make concessions and allow your mother to remain with the child.

To improve the mother's child-rearing skills

It is recommended that you purchase some parenting books for your mother. Then, offer her praise in a way that preserves her self-esteem and encourages her to learn.

Even if her actions are inappropriate, begin by addressing the issue without being overly critical. Then, provide constructive feedback and reference a parenting resource that supports your suggestions. The goal is to encourage her to develop her parenting skills, not to alienate her.

3. With regard to the example of "breaking a pot and treating it as broken," it is important to be aware that

In certain circumstances, self-humiliation may be an effective strategy for avoiding punishment from one's parents. This is a behavioral habit that is formed during one's formative years.

However, self-devaluation is an ineffective strategy for goal attainment and negotiation.

My mother performed her duties admirably, but I believe I can do even better. This mindset may be conducive to fostering a positive atmosphere in your family.

It is important to provide yourself with encouragement and motivation when you feel your abilities are being challenged. It is also essential to address any mental obstacles in a timely manner.

To the recently minted father:

From the information provided, it is evident that you are experiencing feelings of embarrassment and confusion.

From the account of the argument with your mother, the probable reasons include

It is evident that there is a discrepancy between your mother's lifestyle and your own, which is something that cannot be tolerated.

It is my hope that the direction is beneficial, yet the other individual is reluctant to alter their behavior.

There is a notable discrepancy between your and your mother's approaches to life and habits. This discrepancy manifests as a lack of behavioral synchronization and represents a divergence in perception.

It is challenging to address the underlying issue, as it necessitates a fundamental transformation of one's worldview.

A provisional solution is to identify common ground while acknowledging differences, and to begin with the end in mind. This entails grasping the core principles of child-rearing, leveraging each parent's expertise, and then, with regard to contentious issues, implementing them tactfully in a manner conducive to the child's future growth. It is important to note that a family setting is not a court of law, nor is it a forum for determining right and wrong, reasoning, acknowledging contributions, or allowing one parent to raise the child according to their preferences.

The former is an emotional response, while the latter is a skill.

The notion that one can act in another's best interests by doing something for their benefit is a flawed one. Emotions are highly subjective, and there is no guarantee that what we perceive as beneficial will be acknowledged by the other person.

This is also the case between a mother and her child. Consider the numerous individuals who have invested significant effort into providing for their children, only to encounter resistance and misunderstanding from them. If we genuinely believe that our actions are beneficial for another person, we should either strive to persuade them to alter their perspective or facilitate their direct enjoyment of the positive outcome, rather than engaging in conflict with them.

It is human nature to defend oneself, or rather, the human subconscious is unwilling to change, especially for something that has been around for a long time. For example, an argument with one's mother challenges and breaks down the way she raises her children, and she has no desire to change, which results in a feedback loop of breaking the pot and throwing it away. Instead of arguing about the parenting style, it is preferable to leverage one's mother's strengths and avoid her weaknesses. This approach allows one's mother to enjoy the sense of accomplishment of parenting while also avoiding disrupting one's parenting plan. It also reduces the resulting arguments and increases the time spent interacting with one's children, which allows for more personal verification of the effectiveness of one's parenting style.

Thank you for your inquiry. I am Coffee.

I posit that familial relationships are the most challenging to navigate. The necessity of daily interaction and shared experiences renders them particularly complex.

Furthermore, if certain opinions remain irreconcilable, the situation can become quite challenging. Initially, one may recall numerous instances of contention with one's mother, particularly in the presence of one's child, which can elicit feelings of guilt.

Furthermore, when there is a disagreement between you and your mother, and you become angry, it is likely that your emotions and mood will be negatively affected. When your mother stated that you were incompetent, it is probable that you felt aggrieved, angry, and in pain.

It seems reasonable to posit that this has been a long-standing issue. It is likely that it has caused significant distress.

At this point, it became evident that a problem existed. It appeared that all parties were attempting to persuade one another to comprehend each other's perspectives. This indicated a desire to alter the mother's behavior or thought processes.

It is imperative to raise one's children in accordance with one's own values and beliefs, as the generation of mothers has disparate ideas from those of the current generation.

Their experiences differ from ours due to the discrepancies in our respective educations, reading material, lectures attended, and interpersonal interactions.

Moreover, the individuals in question are already in their sixties, which further complicates the situation. Attempting to alter their beliefs and behaviors is a challenging and painful process that can lead to feelings of frustration.

One might be forgiven for assuming that the other party is aware of the correctness of one's own position and that the lack of comprehension is a result of a failure to communicate effectively. This can lead to a vicious cycle of frustration and resentment, which in turn can have a detrimental impact on the family dynamic.

However, we perceive deficiencies in the manner in which our parents raised us, which gives rise to concerns that our children may be led astray from our expectations. Consequently, we experience a certain degree of apprehension, impatience, and trepidation. Nevertheless, attempting to alter our parents' behavior will ultimately prove futile.

Unless they recognize the necessity for change on their own, the process will likely be fraught with challenges and resistance. Otherwise, they may perceive our requests as unreasonable.

Such reasoning may manifest as, "We have raised you in this manner throughout your lives, so how can we not possess the requisite knowledge to raise a child?" Additionally, as we are all children ourselves, how can we be as experienced or as adept as they are?

This may lead to a lack of trust and willingness to engage in open communication, making it challenging to persuade parents to reconsider their views. Attempting to alter one's parents' beliefs and behaviors is often met with resistance and can be emotionally draining.

In the event that reconciliation is not a viable option, one may find themselves engaged in a futile argument with their parents. This is often due to a lack of understanding on the part of the parents, who fail to grasp the nuances of their child's perspective. This can lead to a sense of frustration and anger, which in turn may reinforce the perception that there is something inherently flawed in the other party.

This results in a vicious cycle.

It is important to consider that we are raising our children in accordance with our own values and preferences. Despite their size, children are capable of discerning their own preferences and attachments.

It is feasible to gradually alter one's parents' behaviors over an extended period. However, if the objective is for one's parents to adhere fully to one's directives within a relatively short timeframe, such as three days or a month, it may prove challenging and frustrating.

It may require an extended period of time to effect gradual change in one's parents. While it is not impossible for parents to change, it is a process that can take a considerable length of time.

Thus, on the one hand, we must adjust our own mentality. It is a fundamental tenet of this approach that those who are suffering will inevitably change. It is therefore evident that parents, who do not experience pain, will not alter their behaviour.

If we experience discomfort, it is incumbent upon us to effect a change; otherwise, the discomfort will persist.

I appreciate your inquiry. It is my hope that you will be able to reconcile with your parents. Despite the challenges involved, it is a necessary step for the family. It is important to allow yourself time to process and also to give your parents the space to evolve.

The world and I extend my sincerest regards to you.

Hello, question asker! I'm Enoch, your answer provider.

From the questioner's description, it seems that the questioner needs his mother to help him with the children, but because of the different living habits of the two generations, there are differences in their views on child-rearing. Therefore, the questioner cannot help but want his mother to raise the children in his own way, which of course makes his mother very unhappy. She has put in effort and helped out, but her son still resents her. So she just gives up and doesn't know what to do. But here's the good news! There is a way to bridge this gap and create a more harmonious relationship.

The questioner's situation is a common one, and it's one that many families can relate to. The first step is to accept that your mother is different from you. After all, she's the one who raised you! She's more than capable of raising a child well. But times have changed, and people are focusing more on quality of life. This can sometimes cause a difference in perception between generations. So, try talking to your mother one-on-one. Don't do it in front of your wife and kids, as this might hurt your mother's self-esteem. Be patient and explain to her the benefits of the new method. Show her how much you appreciate her hard work in raising you. Let her know that this approach can make her life easier and that you're there to support her. With a little understanding and communication, you can bridge the gap and find a solution that works for everyone!

I really hope the questioner can find the right way to patiently communicate with her mother. It's so important to be patient and respectful when talking to your mother. If you can establish a good relationship with her, she'll feel respected and grateful. And that will make it much easier for her to accept your advice!

Good day, my name is Jianlin, and I am a psychological counselor. I have taken the time to carefully read your question and I empathize with you deeply. As we grow older,

As we get married and have children, we may gradually realize that communication with our parents can be challenging. It's not uncommon to experience some level of conflict in our interactions with them.

Unfortunately, disagreements often arise when there are differences in opinions, approaches to handling situations, and attitudes towards various aspects of the family.

This can make it challenging for us to communicate with them effectively. At times, my mother may say things that are embarrassing for us or bring up past issues that we would rather not discuss.

I believe that, at this stage in our lives, many of us may find ourselves experiencing this sentiment. It is not uncommon to encounter individuals outside of our immediate circle with whom we can communicate freely and maintain a positive attitude.

It can be challenging to find common ground with our loved ones, especially our parents. Even a simple conversation can quickly turn into an argument.

It is often said that emotions need to be nurtured and that families need to be nurtured. This suggests that the parent-child relationship with our parents also needs to be nurtured. It may be helpful to consider that if we treat our parents with the same attitude that we treat those strangers outside, our communication could be more positive.

It could be said that family members sometimes find it challenging to speak the truth and be honest with each other, which can sometimes lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. If we were all to speak the truth in the same direct way, it might result in similar challenges.

Perhaps if we were to learn to manage things in the same way as outsiders, communication with our parents might go more smoothly.

It is also worth noting that as parents grow older, their way of thinking may not always align with the current lifestyle. While learning to manage, it is important to maintain an appropriate distance.

It might be helpful to consider that distance can help us avoid many problems. Perhaps we could try to be more tolerant of our parents.

It would be beneficial to tolerate them in a businesslike manner. When they stop arguing with us and are willing to listen to us, you may find that they are also very lovely people.

We hope that the above analysis of your confusion, which we conducted together, will be of some help to you. Thank you!

The questioner expressed gratitude for the gift and conveyed appreciation for the opportunity to meet.

From your description, it appears that you require your mother's assistance and support in your life, and you desire for her to adhere to your ideas and lifestyle with regard to child-rearing. Concurrently, you experience discomfort when you hear your mother expressing her emotions and complaining about you. This is a process that must be experienced when requesting the assistance of an elderly person.

It has always been my conviction that parents are under no obligation to provide assistance with childcare and are at liberty to pursue their own interests. Consequently, when parents do offer assistance, it is incumbent upon us to reciprocate in some way. Those who benefit from the generosity of others and fail to express gratitude are ungrateful. Given that parents are investing considerable effort in supporting us, we should endeavour to be more accommodating.

The individuals in question are performing tasks that are often unacknowledged and unappreciated. In addition to exerting considerable effort, they are not compensated monetarily or otherwise recognized for their contributions. Consequently, they experience discomfort. When individuals are emotionally distressed, their speech and behavior tend to be unpleasant.

One must either hire a nanny to assist with childcare, ensuring that the individual in question relinquishes control of the finances and is receptive to the speaker's directives. Subsequently, it is essential to evaluate one's financial standing and identify a suitable and dependable nanny.

It is important to note that the following comments are not intended to represent the views of the elderly. It is inappropriate for the elderly to make statements that cause others to feel powerless when they are emotionally distressed. It is simply a fact that as people age, it becomes more challenging for them to alter certain long-established habits.

Such sentiments may lead to the expectation that one's parents will alter their behavior, which may not be realistic. It is important to communicate with one's parents in a way that encourages them to modify their habits, or at the very least, refrain from expressing helpless sentiments. It may be beneficial to seek out opportunities for constructive dialogue with one's mother.

I wish you the utmost success.