Why does my mom always say she wants something too when I buy clothes?

Hello, dear!

It's okay, we all have different tastes when it comes to clothes. Your mum might not know exactly what style you want to wear, or it might be different from what you expect and anticipate in your heart. It's the same with clothes, when you see them or wear them, they might not feel the way you want them to, they might not be the style you want, they might not match the style and temperament you imagined. And sometimes when you compare the price, you might feel bad about it. It's only natural to have different tastes, and it can sometimes cause a bit of a conflict.

Sometimes, when she sees you and your sister wearing new clothes that really show off your figures, she feels a little envious and thinks that the clothes look really good on you. She'll tell you how much she appreciates the clothes, which is also a kind of appreciation and affirmation for you.

It's so lovely that you get to go shopping with your mum to buy clothes! You can give her your own suggestions and opinions. For example, if you think that this piece of clothing suits your mum's temperament and is also very fashionable, you can praise her for looking good in it. This way, your mum will feel more confident and know what she wants.

It's totally understandable to feel confused and prejudiced when you're shopping with your mom. It's not always easy! Sometimes it can feel like your mom is picking on you, either not giving advice or urging you to make a decision quickly. It's clear that your needs and your mom's needs aren't always aligned. It can feel like you're both talking about your own ideas and opinions.

For instance, you might want your mom to have a firmer opinion, while she might be hoping for your advice and suggestions. You could even help her choose clothes together!

For example, when I bought clothes for my mother before, no matter if I carefully selected the style or if the clothes fit perfectly, she would find fault with them in some way. Perhaps she was used to saying the opposite of what she really meant, and that was just the way she expressed herself.

Sometimes you can figure out what you should do and then just do it! For example, buying the right clothes for your mom is your job, and you did a great job. Then, on the mom's side, there are definitely some limits, and it's not all our fault as kids. Don't blame yourself for everything! This is part of the mom's own part, her own way of thinking, understanding, expressing herself, style of doing things, etc.

You can express yourself completely according to your own frequency. For example, you can buy clothes by yourself or buy your mother clothes according to your own wishes. As long as you do it well, you're doing great! You can also choose a more suitable way. For example, if it's not suitable to go shopping together and buy clothes in a physical store, you can buy them according to your mother's preferences and size style, and give them to her.

I can see that you're feeling depressed, annoyed, and confused.

You don't seem opposed to buying clothes for your mother. In fact, you once accompanied her in selecting and buying clothes.

Your mother's nitpicking and accusations made you feel oppressed, aggrieved, and at a loss.

You love your mother and want to make her happy by buying her clothes. You believe that your filial piety will make her happy and content.

You will then feel that you are a good child who is loved and approved of by your mother.

You try accommodating and giving in, but you can't make your mother happy. You're frustrated. You're disappointed and desperate about your mother's behavior. You choose to stop pleasing her.

But you feel guilty again and try to explain your actions, for example, that your mother doesn't lack for clothes.

In particular, when you bought new clothes, your mother acted as if she wanted them too, which made you feel as if you were being unfilial. You felt attacked, annoyed, and uncomfortable.

Let me be clear: this is not your fault. You don't need to feel guilty or blame yourself, let alone explain anything about it.

Mothers must take responsibility for their own choices.

She is the one who decides whether or not to buy clothes and what kind of clothes to buy.

As a daughter, you must be patient and cater to her needs. Alternatively, you can tell your mother that you are always willing to accompany her when she is choosing clothes.

Do not take the initiative to participate in your mother's choices, support, or guide her to make her own choices.

Your mother's complaints and unhappiness are not your concern. They are her own choices, and they are not your fault.

Give her the new clothes if she wants them. We can buy another one.

Your mother's choices are her business. Accept them.

☹️ Lower your expectations of your mother. She is not your standard answer.

You want your mother to be happy and satisfied with your behavior. You want her approval and affection. You want to feel happy and blessed.

It is important to understand that your mother is not a perfect standard to which you should aspire. She has limitations and shortcomings, just like anyone else.

Let go of your expectations of your mothers and accept them for who they are. You will feel more relieved and relaxed.

Best regards!

Dear Question Asker,

From the questioner's description, it appears that the mother in question displays a proclivity for complaining, particularly with regard to purchasing attire. The mother has exhibited a tendency to express discontent with the questioner's actions, a pattern that has not only caused the questioner distress but has also engendered a sense of futility and defeat. Consequently, the questioner displays a proclivity for irritability.

Let us proceed to an analysis of the root cause.

1. The subject's mother displays a notable absence of pronounced aesthetic preferences.

From the questioner's description, it appears that her mother exhibits a lack of conviction regarding her preferences in clothing, displays a deficiency in self-awareness, and is uncertain about the style of clothing that aligns with her personal disposition.

2. When she is uncertain, she tends to express her frustration to her children.

In lieu of actively pursuing self-discovery, my mother, when confronted with uncertainty regarding her personal style, instead projected her own dissatisfaction onto the questioner and other children. This was an attempt to regulate her emotions and maintain psychological equilibrium. However, this approach ultimately resulted in adverse effects for the children.

3. The questioner has also learned this kind of projection from his mother.

Subtle influence from her mother has led the questioner to adopt a similar pattern of behavior when confronted with a challenge. She tends to voice her concerns to her mother in a manner similar to how she would address them to herself, and she has also begun to express dissatisfaction with her mother's ability to meet her needs.

It is recommended that:

1. Enhance the capacity to form an accurate perception

In regard to the matter of the mother purchasing attire, it is advisable to establish a sense of boundaries with your mother. It is not necessarily the case that your mother's preferences align with your own, therefore it is prudent to refrain from allowing her to wear your clothes simply because she deems them aesthetically pleasing. It is recommended that you suggest appropriate types of clothing for your mother based on her temperament. In the event that she is not satisfied with your suggestions, it is important to communicate this clearly. If she remains unsatisfied, it may be helpful to consider her clothing needs in more depth. You may wish to assist your mother in analysing her own clothing requirements and seeking the opinions of those around her who possess greater expertise in this field. This could include professionals in the clothing industry. It is then possible to provide your mother with professional advice.

2. Utilize reason in lieu of emotion.

In the event of a complaint from your mother, it is important to maintain your own perspective and avoid being influenced by her emotions. Instead, engage in a rational analysis of the problem and seek the guidance of a professional. This approach will help your mother gain a more objective understanding of the matter, avoid making hasty decisions, and effectively address the underlying issue.

3. Transformative Reflection

In response to an unfavorable outcome, it is imperative to alter one's perspective and assess the role one plays in the situation. Instead of dwelling on the shortcomings of others, it is crucial to demonstrate tolerance and strive for constructive solutions. Engaging in mutual recrimination only serves to perpetuate the problem, whereas fostering a collaborative approach can lead to more effective resolutions.

Hello, question asker!

Are you a little annoyed with your mother? It's normal to feel frustrated when you don't understand your mother's behavior.

Why is she so particular? What's behind her fussy behavior?

When buying clothes, she's always finding something she doesn't like. You help her choose a style, but then she says it's not good when she gets it.

She doesn't like any of the options you take her shopping for.

It seems like she's more focused on the process of buying clothes than on what clothes are actually purchased. To be honest, it doesn't seem like she'll ever be satisfied with the clothes she buys, no matter what they are.

You take your mother shopping and let her try on clothes, but she gets mad at you for rushing her. You follow your mother around without saying a word, and she gets mad at you for not giving her any advice.

Do you find your mother particularly challenging to interact with? As a result, you are frustrated by her behavior and unsure of how to respond.

Let's circle back to the original question: Why is Mom so fussy?

What's the psychological reason for all the nitpicking?

We know your mother has two daughters, and they're both grown up. When you look at your daughters, you can see that crow's feet have appeared around their eyes, their skin has become rough and lost its elasticity, and you can see grey hair when you brush their hair.

Time flies, and youth is fleeting. It takes a while for psychological development to keep up with the aging changes in appearance.

So, my mother is feeling a bit anxious, panicked, and uneasy.

This mentality leads to the question: even if the clothes are beautiful, will they look good on your mother if they don't look as good on you? Her psychological development hasn't kept pace with her age. So, if your mother is also a beauty-conscious mother, can she not be picky?

As a daughter, you can do the following after learning about the psychological activities that make your mother so picky:

1. Try to find time to spend more quality time with your mother.

If your budget allows, you might want to get your mother a health care card at the beauty salon.

3. Consider enrolling your mother in a university for the elderly to help enrich her spiritual and cultural life.

4. Take your mother out for a walk.

Finally, ask your sister to have a grandchild soon. Family happiness can also help your mother feel better.

My name is Chu Mingdeng, and I just wanted to say that I love you all, the world over.