Why does the daughter, in the fifth grade, not want to be the top student but only desires to be an average one, what is her psychology?

Hello, I'm Xin Tan Coach Fly Free. I'm here to listen to you and offer you a warm and sincere ear.

You demonstrate your love for your daughter in many ways, and while learning and grades are not your primary focus, you are committed to her happiness and healthy growth.

At the same time, you may also feel a certain confusion and inner conflict about your child, wanting to be excellent but perhaps feeling a little afraid of being the best. Could this perhaps be an internal conflict?

It is often said that men are born educators. Your thoughtful approach and this doubt reflect the values of being a parent from a certain perspective. The ranking can provide insight into a child's strengths and areas for growth.

As parents, may I suggest that we discuss this relatively common problem together?

?1. The child has excellent grades but may be experiencing some stress.

It could be said that everything has two sides. When a child gets good grades and is ranked first in class, it can give them greater confidence and encouragement. It might also be perceived as a reflection of strength.

It could also be seen as a kind of affirmation and recognition from the outside world, which might be helpful in enhancing the child's sense of self-worth.

Self-worth is a subjective evaluation of oneself. It stands to reason that a child who is often affirmed, praised, and recognized by their parents will have a high sense of worth.

If a child is constantly rejected, criticized, or blamed by their parents, it can have a negative impact on their sense of worth. They may become sensitive and paranoid, and this can eventually lead to an internalization of these feelings, which can result in a perception of themselves as inferior.

People with a strong sense of values tend to be confident. A confident person is likely to be confident in themselves and also have confidence in the future.

It's not always necessary to prove yourself in everything. Sometimes, it's only when we have nothing to lose that we try to prove something.

However, being number one can sometimes come with a certain amount of pressure, as everyone has a natural tendency to strive for perfection. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a focus on gains and losses. In some cases, this can even result in a mentality of oppression and hostility towards classmates and others.

It would be beneficial to gain an understanding of the source of a child's pressure to rank first. Could it be the expectations of parents or teachers, or perhaps the envy and jealousy of classmates?

It would be beneficial for parents to establish the correct values first and let go of their materialistic desires if the expectations come from parents and teachers.

By communicating with your children on an equal footing and trusting them, you can guide and help them redefine the meaning of a "good student." This could include not only good grades, but also good character, healthy growth in body and mind, solidarity with classmates, and a correct attitude towards competition and rankings among classmates.

If the competition comes from classmates, it might be helpful to consider counseling your child psychologically. It seems that the first place is not a problem for her, but it could be for her classmates.

It may be helpful to consider that feelings of envy and jealousy are often rooted in a belief that one is not good enough. This can contribute to a sense of balance in a child's mind and may help them to avoid feelings of self-blame.

Taiwanese writer Liu Yong, whose son Liu Xuan has been an excellent student since childhood, has a special approach to child education. He suggests that you might find it helpful to read more of his books. In the process of educating his son and daughter, he places a particular emphasis on educating children about the quality of life and helping them understand what it means to be a human being.

At that time, he suggested to his ambitious son that it might not be beneficial to strive to be the first in everything, as this may not align with the true meaning of excellence or confidence.

? 2. What might parents consider when cultivating their children's enterprising spirit?

I hope the following points may be helpful in cultivating a sense of enterprise:

(1) It would be beneficial for parents to consider abandoning utilitarian values and giving their children a bigger stage based on their enjoyment.

(2) It might be beneficial to let your child experience the good life.

(3) You might consider helping your child set ambitious life goals, perhaps not by giving them lectures, but by reading books, going on trips, watching movies, and so on.

(4) Parents can set an example and become a role model for their children.

(5) It may be helpful to continuously affirm your child's self-worth.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. I also want to express my love for you and for the world.

If you would like to continue our conversation, please click on the "Find a Coach" button, which you will find in the top right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Good evening.

You care a lot about your daughter's education.

You want to know your daughter's mentality.

My child is similar. She is in third grade and is the group leader. She says she doesn't want to be the group leader anymore because her classmates are too naughty. Her grades are in the upper middle range, so it is not yet clear how her grades will be in the future. She also has no desire to test first. She usually studies very hard. After the test results come out, she is done with the test and wants to eat something delicious.

She gets nervous when taking tests, so I said, "Let's aim for a zero." My mom has always wanted to get a zero, but she hasn't been able to.

She doesn't know how to get zero points.

I don't know your child's mentality, but from your description, she seems self-assured.

She feels comfortable with herself, even if she's not the best.

Your child may not be able to get first place, but she's happy with her grades and doesn't feel pressured to study.

She wants to stay in this state forever.

You can't accept your daughter's way of thinking. I would rather interpret your later comment about inner conflict as your own than your daughter's.

There's no link between being excellent and being number one. Being number one doesn't mean being excellent. Being in the middle doesn't mean being unexcellent.

Life is long and not determined by school.

You have to deal with the conflict over the belief that you must be number one to be good.

I don't know why you think excellence means being number one. It's probably related to your past experiences. You need to think about what's really going on and face your inner conflict.

Your daughter is self-assured. She must have made an effort to keep up.

What about you?

I'm often Buddhist and pessimistic, but sometimes motivated and positive. I'm a counselor, and I love the world.