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Why does the guy with a girlfriend always want to chat with me? I don't understand.

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Why does the guy with a girlfriend always want to chat with me? I don't understand. By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

I've known a guy for a year, and he has a girlfriend. But every day, he takes the initiative to chat with me, sharing his daily life with me, and it's always funny. Even if there's nothing to say, he'll send a smiley face and then disappear without replying. Later, when he finds me again, he starts a new conversation. He often brags to me about how good his luck with the opposite sex is, or which girls he's added today, and he'll tell me about the hotel rooms he's gone to with other girls, or the bars he's gone to hang out with other girls, and he'll post pictures of his car. It's like he tells me everything, and sometimes he tells me where he's going, and sometimes it's like he's dead. Sometimes he posts things about his girlfriend, and it sounds like he really loves her. I don't understand why he tells me all that every day, or posts pictures of girls he thinks are pretty, and I'll say they're pretty, and then I'll post pictures of handsome guys for him to see, but he often doesn't reply.

Florence Baker Florence Baker A total of 4807 people have been helped

Hello, I'd like to offer you a 360-degree hug if you'd like.

From your description, it seems like this guy may not be looking for anything serious and just sees you as someone to talk to. Perhaps he doesn't really need a response?

It's also possible that he's simply keeping you in mind as a potential option for the future.

Or perhaps he views you as his same-sex partner because he mentions his hotel room dates with women. It's possible that he has a lot of luck with the opposite sex, given that he has a girlfriend, female friends, and is constantly adding girls.

Or could it be that he finds it difficult to be alone and feels the need to spend all his time reaching out to others? Perhaps he feels the need to fill his time after work, study, and make friends.

I must admit that I am also somewhat perplexed by this gentleman's actions.

Perhaps it's not necessary to understand it. If you feel uncomfortable or it affects your life, you might consider reducing the response. It may be that the other person doesn't need your response.

If he makes further demands or hurts you in any way, you may wish to consider cutting off contact with him. After all, he's not providing you with any value and is causing you a lot of confusion.

It's important to remember that not everyone wants to be understood, and not everyone's behavior is logical. If you're unsure about how to proceed, it might be helpful to simply let it go. Try to view him as someone who is different from you, and allow him to be.

Perhaps it would be best to just live your life.

I am a psychological counselor who experiences a range of emotions, including periods of depression and moments of optimism. I have a deep love and appreciation for the world and for you.

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Vernon Vernon A total of 9989 people have been helped

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I was really struck by how similar it is to my own confusion when I was young.

I'd love to share my understanding with you, and I hope it will be a little inspiring!

1. It's so important to understand ourselves!

When you meet a guy like this, it can be a little confusing, right?

On the one hand, he's taking the initiative to chat with you, sharing his daily life and telling you everything.

On the other hand, he has a girlfriend and will send you things about her, as well as photos of girls he finds attractive.

I totally get it. If it were me, I wouldn't understand what he was thinking either.

He sometimes takes a little while to reply.

We're not him, and sometimes we just can't know what he's really thinking.

But that's okay, sweetheart.

We can take a look at your interactions from our own perspective, if you'd like.

For example, he trusts you and is happy to share things with you. In his eyes, you're a really special friend who makes him feel at ease.

Maybe you feel seen and noticed in this relationship, too!

It's not so much about understanding what the other person is thinking, but more about understanding what you're thinking.

For example, he brings you a certain kind of satisfaction, and you are happy to maintain this kind of relationship with him.

Or he'll help you see boys in a whole new light. You'll realize there's so much more to them than you ever imagined!

So, it's really important to understand ourselves!

If he feels happy and satisfied with himself, and he feels at ease with him even though he feels misunderstood, then he can respect his own feelings and listen to his heart to find a comfortable way to get along with him.

2. We'll all gain something from interacting with others!

Adlerian psychology says that making friends is a really important part of life.

We're all in this together!

On the other hand, though, making friends can also lead to various problems.

And we'll meet all kinds of different people!

We all have doubts and worries from time to time.

But if we are willing to think about it or feel it seriously in such a relationship, we will definitely reap some great benefits!

So, if you're looking for a partner in the future, what kind of partner are you looking for?

I'd love to know what kind of interaction you're willing to maintain with your partner!

And of course, you might want to think about whether you'd like your partner to have frequent contact with other members of the opposite sex, and so on.

It's so important to remember that a good relationship is something that should be mutually beneficial.

If a relationship is draining for you, please don't hesitate to tell us. We're here to help!

Every relationship is so meaningful when we interact with real people!

It can really help us think and grow!

Some relationships just naturally fade or come to an end over time, while others last a long, long time.

When we need it, we can have companionship, comfort, freedom, and so on. And that's a wonderful thing!

These interactions will help us to understand what we value, what we like, and what kind of relationship makes us feel at ease and happy.

Dear questioner, I truly believe you will slowly find your own answers.

Sometimes, you can even try asking the other person directly about anything you're not sure about.

Who knows, we might even see more!

Please feel free to share these with anyone you think might benefit from them.

If you're interested, I'd love for you to read "The Courage to Be Happy."

Wishing you all the best!

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Amelia Hughes Amelia Hughes A total of 1818 people have been helped

Good day, my name is Xin Tan and I am Fei Yun's coach.

You met a gentleman who exhibited peculiar behavior. Despite his apparent relationship status, he persistently engaged with other women. His conduct was not only unconventional but also somewhat uninspiring. This seemed to contradict your personal values. At the very least, fidelity to your partner is a fundamental principle, is it not?

Firstly, as you stated, he frequently boasted about his success with the opposite sex. It is evident that you are also one of his romantic interests.

Some individuals rely on external validation to affirm their sense of self-worth, achievement, or existence. This can manifest in various ways, such as seeking to prove one's manly charm through relationships with the opposite sex.

Despite having a girlfriend, he frequently engages in flirtation with other women on WeChat, indicating a need to fill a perceived emotional void. It is often the case that those with less have a greater need to prove their worth, as if a person of considerable wealth still needs to demonstrate their affluence.

His need to prove himself is driven by a fear of being perceived as unattractive. This is an indication of low self-esteem rather than confidence.

Such behavior may manifest as narcissism or conceit.

Secondly, he engages in conversation with you and you also have some positive interactions. This indicates that this individual is not obnoxious, but that the content of the conversation is somewhat simplistic and immature.

Furthermore, your kindness and high quality of being kind to others are evident. Allowing for the existence of individuals with differing perspectives and utilizing them as a source of reflection for personal growth is also apparent.

Ultimately, you should respond in a manner that is comfortable for you.

Everyone has their own way of life (survival). If you do not have expectations of them, they are just ordinary friends. There is no need to be serious or take things too seriously. Just interact with them in a way that makes you feel comfortable.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name]

Should you wish to continue the communication, please click on the "Find a coach" link, which can be found in the top right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. I will then be in touch to discuss how we can work together on a one-to-one basis.

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Comments

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Bill Davis We grow because we struggle, we learn, and we overcome.

I get what you're saying. It seems like he values your friendship and maybe uses you as a confidant to talk about his life, including his relationships and experiences. He might feel comfortable sharing these things with someone who won't judge him. As for the pictures of handsome guys you send, it could be that he doesn't know how to respond or simply isn't interested in engaging with that content.

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Astrid Miller A well - learned person's perspective is enhanced by knowledge from various fields.

It sounds complicated. He could be using you as an outlet to boost his ego by bragging about his social success and dating life. It's puzzling why he shares so much yet doesn't reciprocate when you show interest in something similar. Maybe he sees this dynamic as harmless fun but from your perspective, it might feel unbalanced or even a bit frustrating.

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Haywood Davis Time is a carousel of emotions, spinning with the passage of time.

He may just be very open with you because he feels safe talking about everything without any strings attached. However, it's important to consider how this makes you feel. If it's not fulfilling for you or if you feel used, it might be worth setting boundaries or discussing your feelings directly with him.

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