Why is it so hard to really open up to someone? I'm even afraid of shaking.

How old is the questioner? Arrhythmia is also common, where the whole body trembles involuntarily.

"Has the questioner visited a hospital to rule out a physical cause? That's a great idea!

When someone takes the initiative to show me affection, I feel so loved! Even if they are a friend, if they send me messages a lot, I will be so happy. If we are going somewhere together, I will be excited. If they keep commenting on my updates, I will be flattered.

I'd love to know what parts of your body you feel when you are "at a loss for words, trembling with fear." And what are you afraid of?

What are we worried about?

How does the questioner know that these reactions are not a normal manifestation of his own frequent "irregular heartbeat and involuntary shaking of the whole body," but rather a trembling caused by worry and fear caused by someone being close to you and constantly messaging you?

Perhaps the other person's initiative to show closeness to you, the frequent messaging behavior, is perceived at a subconscious level as "attack." But here's the exciting part! The questioner's instinctive reaction is also to "attack" back. However, due to the control of a strong "superego," the questioner trembles with fear, feeling at a loss as to what to do, which indirectly suppresses the urge to act.

In order to achieve a sense of control, the questioner distances herself from others on an intellectual level by "always feeling that she hates them in the end," which is a great way to minimize the probability of "mutual attacks" that may occur!

"Opening up to others" is not only difficult for the original poster, but also for most people. But it is so worth it! We can only open up when we feel that "the surrounding environment" is safe enough.

It's like springtime! We feel safe in the gentle spring breeze, and we open our arms to feel the breath of spring.

I am absolutely thrilled to be able to help! I really hope that you find the parts of my reply that are useful. Wishing you the very best!

Hello question asker.

You're afraid of intimacy.

and is afraid of intimacy.

Right?

When did this start?

Did this start in childhood or did they suffer harm from intimacy during their development?

When did it start?

How old are you? What were your early experiences?

If a person resists intimacy in adulthood,

If they reject close friendships, it suggests they experienced a traumatic event in childhood.

This defense makes the body sensitive and keeps you at a distance from others.

If you were traumatized in an intimate relationship as a child,

Your body reacts too strongly to people who hurt you in the past.

How can you stop this pattern?

When you have a strong emotional reaction to an intimate relationship, think about when this fear first began. How does it affect you?

Why did a joke make you so scared?

Have you ever wondered if your panic and unease are a reaction to insecurity?

Who?

Who made you feel this way before?

Learn to distinguish between your present self and your past self.

I'm Consultant Yao. I'll support and care for you!

Hopefully, my answer will be helpful to you in some way.

Give the host a hug. It seems like being too close to people really bothers you, and it even causes some physical reactions, which shows that your body is also resisting being too close to people. Don't worry too much. As we get to know ourselves better and better, we can make some positive changes on the basis of accepting ourselves and find our own comfortable way of getting along in interpersonal relationships.

My advice to you is this:

First, understand and accept yourself, and figure out why you're afraid of excessive interpersonal intimacy.

As a general rule, our reluctance to get too close to others stems from our attachment patterns. Perhaps when we were young, we craved closeness with our family, but found that when we needed them, they didn't provide consistent feedback or timely care. This made us wary of trusting others in relationships, to protect ourselves from getting hurt.

Back then, this was a way of protecting yourself. Now that we've grown up, we're not the weak children we once were. We can accept being close to others, try to trust them, and slowly build a sense of security in the relationship.

2. You can start building a sense of security in the relationship by being selective about how close you get to people.

You can choose to get close to one person first, to see if they're kind and sincere, and to try to be yourself in the relationship. If you can be yourself in a relationship and that person is still willing to accept you, understand you, and be close to you, then that's a good friend, someone you can get close to.

You can spend time with him and, over time, you can build a sense of security in the relationship.

After that, you can try spending more time with those people you feel comfortable with again. These are the friends who understand you, accept you, and support you. These are the relationships that can nourish you. The more such relationships you have, the more you will feel the strength they bring you. As Mr. Zeng Qifeng said, "People are social animals. The more relationships you have, the more nourishment you get, and the faster and better you grow. A nourishing relationship should be one that is full of friendly trust, embracing love, and freedom."

As a person develops more and more nourishing, loving relationships, they become bolder in pursuing happiness and success.

3. Give yourself some time and space to recharge and deal with the impact on your relationships.

Because introverts and extroverts have different personalities, relationships can be very draining for introverts, while they are a recharging activity for extroverts. This can make introverts feel tense in relationships and unable to relax. Extroverts, on the other hand, can feel full of life again when they go out to dinner and chat with friends when they are in a bad mood or have low energy.

I'm an introvert, so I get how draining relationships can be. When we're feeling low, it's important to recharge. The best way to do that is to set aside some time for yourself, even if it's just a few minutes. Being alone is a great way for introverts to recharge.

So, make sure you have a quiet space every day where you can spend some time alone. It's important to give yourself time to recharge.

That's all for now. I hope this helps. Best wishes!

Hello, question asker.

From what you've said, it seems like you have a strong sense of self-esteem on the outside, but a mild inferiority complex on the inside.

How you develop as a person is usually shaped by your family of origin. You may have had a period of growth when you didn't get the love you needed from your parents. This can leave you confused about how to accept and handle love, which can affect you even now.

When you're faced with the care and goodwill of others, you don't know how to handle it. You can't refuse it directly because of the feelings involved. This causes the love shown to you by others to remain in an "in-between state," where you can neither accept nor reject it.

Because of this subconscious inferiority complex, the love you haven't been able to receive before suddenly comes flooding back to you. You feel inside that you don't deserve such deep love, and you worry about what price you will have to pay if you accept it. So you feel uncomfortable, disgusted, and repulsed, and would rather reject the feeling.

To solve it psychologically, you need to get rid of this sense of inferiority from your subconscious. You can build up your self-confidence through psychological suggestions, etc., and believe that you are good enough, strong enough, and worthy of love.

The distance between friends that the questioner fears is tough to navigate. It stems from the questioner's lack of confidence, which leads to a lot of caution and a strong sense of self-esteem. The fear of love and the desire for love are in constant conflict, which is reflected in the uncertainty of interpersonal relationships.

If you relax and accept others for who they are, you'll naturally gain close friends.

I wish you all the best.

Hello!

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a heart exploration coach. I've read the post with great interest and I can see that the poster is really struggling with their relationships. But I also see that they've been brave in sharing their feelings and seeking help on the platform. This is a great first step towards understanding themselves better and making positive changes.

Next, I'm excited to share my observations and thoughts in the post, which I think will help you view yourself from a more diverse perspective!

1. Let's dive deep and explore why you are afraid.

It is observed in the post that the poster mentioned that when someone takes the initiative to show closeness to me, I will be very overwhelmed. Even if it is a friend, if they message me frequently, I will tremble with fear. If we are going to walk together, I will be uneasy. If they keep commenting on my updates, I will worry. Even if we are going to hang out together, I will be worried even before it happens.

From this information, it seems that when someone approaches you, you feel very uneasy and scared. So let's discuss together why you feel this way.

I'd love to know what the closeness and intimacy of others means to you! What kind of images come to mind?

And what else does it remind you of?

I'm excited to explore this further with you! Could your own past experiences or even your family of origin be related to this?

These are all things that can be thought about and explored. For example, some people are afraid of intimacy because they have been hurt in the past. But there's so much more to it than that!

Some people also dislike themselves so much that they think other people will dislike them too and are afraid that other people will discover their true selves. At this time, they may also distance themselves from friends.

So, the host may want to look at his own experiences and upbringing in his early years to see why he is like this.

2. Connect with your body and feel the amazing sensations!

In the post, it was observed that the poster mentioned something really interesting: when you mention your own scared self, your body will tremble. This is the expression of our emotions in our bodies!

So at this time, we can also explore ourselves through the symptoms of our bodies. How?

When we become aware of our unease and the trembling of our body, it's time to focus part of our attention on our body!

Stay with the part of your body that is trembling and the symptom for a while. This often relieves our emotions, and it's a great feeling!

On the other hand, we can also imagine what this part would express if it could express itself. This is a great way to explore our emotions and the needs behind them!

If the owner of this piece of land is interested, you've got to check out the famous psychologist Wu Zhihong's amazing book, The Body Knows the Answer!

3. Accept that you can't do it for the time being, and get ready to learn how to do it in the future!

The original poster mentioned that they don't have a good sense of interpersonal distance, which I can totally understand!

At the same time, I would also like to ask the original poster to temporarily accept that you are not yet able to control the distance in interpersonal relationships very well. Because we are currently unable to do so, there must be our own reasons, and I'm excited to help you figure them out!

So at this time, we should definitely explore ourselves more!

Staying curious about ourselves is a great way to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our behaviors. From a psychological perspective, our behaviors are external manifestations of our mental activities, which is fascinating!

So there are needs, expectations, and desires behind our actions. And this is something we can explore!

Just as the original poster mentioned, it may also be because of the friends I spend time with that I always find her annoying in the later stages, as if she has changed.

At this time, we can also explore why we feel that she is annoying in the later stage, as if she has changed. Is it because she has really changed, or is it because our understanding of her has changed? It is still worth exploring!

The more we know about ourselves, the closer we are to finding the answer we're looking for!

I really hope these will be a great source of inspiration and help to you, the original poster! I wish I could answer all your questions, but there are limits to what I can do. If you want to explore yourself more deeply, you can also click to find a coach for one-on-one communication and exploration!