Why is it that the most annoying people are actually the relatives you don't see very often?

Good morning, my name is Liang Qingyou.

You have indicated that the individuals in question are your extended family members with whom you have a distant relationship. You have expressed frustration with their actions, which you perceive as meddlesome and disruptive.

These relatives can be a significant source of frustration.

However, would you be willing to alter your perspective and adjust your perception of them, utilizing them as a resource to enhance your social skills and practice your hand?

Please describe your specific approach to this issue.

At that time, I was studying communication lessons from the micro-blogger Devil Dad. One lesson was about "Dealing with Elders: One Trick Will Make You Feel at Home." I will pass on my learning and growth experience to you, hoping it will be helpful.

The skills of effective communication with older individuals are imparted, and it is also an exercise in preparing for the workplace and facing people in positions of authority with confidence.

The exercises are divided into two categories: those pertaining to your own parents and those related to the average elders in the family.

As you do not have the challenge of communicating with your parents, we will focus on how to interact with ordinary elders.

When meeting an elderly relative for the first time during the New Year or other holidays, it is important to demonstrate hospitality. Always maintain a positive demeanor in front of your elders, greet them enthusiastically, and engage in pleasant conversation.

When you meet again after the first time, remember that you are not the protagonist of the gathering. Never make a self-promoting remark in front of the elders, and take the initiative to attract all their attention to you. Ask them, "You're in your thirties, right? Why aren't you married and having children yet? If you don't get married soon, you won't be able to have any children."

After greeting them with enthusiasm, move to a quiet location. If an elder attempts to engage you in conversation about grandchildren, maintain a positive demeanor and acknowledge their interest. You can respond by expressing gratitude for their concern and reiterating your commitment to listening and working hard.

It is important to note that speaking to the elders for more than two sentences may result in an unwelcome increase in attention.

The next step is to take the initiative to propose a toast to the group of elders, including your aunties and uncles, and send them festive greetings. Then, propose a toast to each elder individually, and demonstrate your interest in their family matters. By showing concern for the elders, you will naturally draw their attention elsewhere.

This is a premium life experience class that is not available for purchase at any price. I hope it is useful to you.

Best regards,

Dear questioner,

I saw your question, and I could tell from your words that you're angry and feel helpless. At first glance, it seems like they're trying to help you, but in reality, they're getting in your way, undermining your efforts, and giving the upset poster a hug.

I don't know what generation the relative is, but it seems like "interfering in my work in the name of doing what I think is best" is more like something someone from a higher generation would say.

The questioner said that the relative would "gossip about my life," which may be because the relative has a lot of free time, is curious about people, and is good at building relationships with people in the same way. It's even possible that their family members are even more of the recipients of this communication style.

Also, if you say that your relatives are "interfering with my work," "selfish," "ignorant," "greedy," "insincere," or "trying to take advantage of me," and if you feel that people you don't know well are trying to get too close for comfort, then you might want to think about why they're acting this way.

Why did the relative act this way? Is it because they want to be affirmed, prove their worth, or envy what you have?

If you feel like a relative's behavior is making you uncomfortable, you don't have to put up with it. You can turn your resentment into feedback to understand their thoughts and express your opinions in a gentle but firm manner. When we express ourselves correctly, we feel confident. We can also show unfriendly people that they need to take responsibility for themselves.

First, try to understand why the other person did it.

We might not be able to fully understand someone else's concerns, depending on what they say and why.

What can we do to help ourselves?

For instance, when the relative came around, the questioner had just started working, so it didn't seem right for the relative to get involved in their work, which would be like taking away our chance to learn and grow. But if the questioner has been working for a few years and is a little unsatisfied with their job or thinking of changing careers, maybe the relative's advice is helpful for us.

If we're not sure why someone has made a suggestion, we can ask, "Thanks for your concern and support, but I'm still not sure why I need to do that."

Just ask a simple question and don't make a long statement. Try to stay calm throughout. The other person will think about how they act in response to your question.

Second, kindly decline any requests that are out of line.

Sometimes, when we don't want to understand the thoughts of unfriendly people or listen to their arguments, it's a good idea to express our thoughts so that we don't feel aggrieved.

For instance, if a relative tries to take advantage of you, the questioner can say, "I'm sorry, but I don't really understand this either, and was hoping to find someone else to help me. It would be better if you find someone else."

I think most people can tell when someone is being tactful in a refusal and can express their opinions without hurting feelings.

Finally, if the other person is a friend rather than an accuser

I'm not sure what the original poster was thinking, but often the things we care about may not be right or wrong in themselves, but rather in how we perceive the events.

When we feel hurt inside by the inappropriate words of others, it's tough to figure out what's helpful and what's not. We start thinking about how to refute and how to make the other person back down. But if we focus more on ourselves, it's harder to see things as they really are.

Of course, we have the right to be angry and feel sad, but when you switch to a more equal position with the other person, rather than a boss-subordinate hierarchy, those words may sound a little more meaningful.

I hope the questioner can be free from the interference of others' unkindness and see others as a kind of support on the path of our growth.

Wishing you the best. One Mind and I Love You.

Hello, question asker. I'm Qu Huidong, a counselor who uses images to explain things.

The questioner said their relative is selfish, ignorant, greedy, and insincere. They interfere in your life and demand a lot.

I want to congratulate you. It seems like the relative sees your value, which shows you are capable!

I also want to congratulate you. You know your worth, you set boundaries, and you don't like being taken advantage of!

We have value, and we can't be taken advantage of. There's no need to prove our value through giving.

What should you do when faced with such relatives or similar people?

Is this feeling of being exploited familiar? Have you only experienced it with this one relative, or does it happen often?

If it's the former, it's easier to deal with. Relatives are not necessarily closer than friends. They are just someone from your father's or mother's side of the family. Whatever you do for them is for the elders' sake. If you can explain your feelings to the elders, I think most people will understand. It's their freedom to say things about you and ask for things. But you also have the right to choose whether to get angry or not and whether to do it or not.

People's words may seem terrible, but you can see their selfishness, ignorance, greed, and insincerity. Everyone understands human nature. If you face it honestly, you'll understand your relatives better.

If it's the latter, you've had similar feelings from more than one relative. This requires some self-exploration.

Why can't you set your own boundaries, refuse unreasonable demands, and ignore other people's opinions? Maybe you've always had trouble expressing your anger, but this relative made you realize it.

You can get more help through psychological counseling.

Please forgive any violent speculation in the above analysis. It's impossible to get more info from a short question. I hope my ideas help.

Best,