Why would parents be unwilling for their children to continue studying after graduating from college?

Hello, host! I can tell you have your own ideas, and I admire that. However, your parents' opinions may also have a big impact on you, which can make things a bit tricky right now. It's understandable that you're feeling torn and that you're trying to understand your parents' interference.

Your question also shows that you're thinking about the future. If you take the civil service exam or become a teacher, as your parents suggest, you'll have the chance to try something new. If you continue to study and find a job according to your own ideas, you'll have the opportunity to grow and develop your own career path.

I think this is your main point of conflict, and it's an exciting one!

First, let's dive into the exciting path your parents want you to take to become a civil servant or teacher!

This is the traditional way of thinking of the older generation, and it's a great way! If you can get a job in the public sector, you won't have to worry about your future. Parents may think that it's great for a girl to have a stable job, not to worry about food or clothing, and not to seek wealth or status.

The elderly may also think that getting into the civil service or becoming a teacher is a great job! If you go out and look for a job in the future, you will always be asked what you do, and the answer will always be "working for someone else." Your parents may not think that this is a good job, but it is!

So, is this a viable option? Absolutely! It's clear that many people still see great value in pursuing a career in the civil service or teaching. There's a reason why so many people have been drawn to these professions for so many years. They offer a unique combination of stability, security, and opportunity.

For example, the advantages are amazing! You get relative stability, relatively guaranteed benefits, a certain social status, and access to a certain network.

The only drawback is that you'll only have the chance to meet a limited number of people in your field. But that's not so bad! And while it might be challenging to move up the ladder, it's still an option. Plus, you'll have the chance to build a strong foundation in your chosen field.

So, this is an option, and it's a great one! The most important thing is to figure out what you like. Is this the life you want?

Second, let's look at the path you want to pursue!

Do your parents have concerns about tuition and living expenses? From your perspective, it may not be a problem, as you can earn your own income and your family's financial situation may be okay.

It's still important to chat with your parents about this, though. See if they have any concerns, and if they do, let them know you've got this! Show them how you'll use your education to succeed.

Parents may think that a university degree is already a very good qualification, and they don't know what a difference continuing studies can make. But if you want to become a teacher, continuing education is actually a very good choice! And a higher degree is also conducive to the development of a teaching career. Parents can understand this, and they'll be so proud of you for making this choice!

Will your parents not want you to continue your studies because your younger brother has a low level of education? Absolutely not! This question is not a reason, regardless of whether or not there is a factor of consideration for your younger brother.

Your younger brother has his own incredible path to follow! His education and experience are his life, and you should not let him affect your own.

Continuing your studies will definitely affect when you get married in the future, but if you are okay with that, then it's totally fine!

A higher degree gives you an advantage when looking for a job! But remember, you may lack the work experience gained during the time you were studying. In the future, jobs will be based on both academic qualifications and work experience. So no matter what, you can't just rely on your academic qualifications to get ahead.

You're an adult now, and you have the right to make your own decisions. That also means you have to be responsible for your choices. The future belongs to you! We are here to support you, and we love you!

It's possible that parents' desire to control may be more intense than we realize. In some cases, it seems that the child who is allowed to make their own decisions may become the one who makes the decisions for their parents. This can be a challenging dynamic for parents who are used to being in control. They may want their children to achieve more and to fulfill some of their dreams for them.

However, you have not yet had the opportunity to inquire about your children's deepest aspirations. You are on the cusp of graduation, and there are still many matters to be resolved. If feasible, it would be prudent to consider making suitable compromises, and you can begin to draft a preliminary plan.

It might be helpful to consider where you would like to go for postgraduate studies, should you wish to continue your education. It would also be prudent to think about how you would be able to cover your tuition and living expenses, should you be successful in gaining a place. And finally, it would be wise to have a contingency plan in place, should you not pass the exam. After postgraduate studies, you will eventually have to enter the workforce.

This is a situation you may wish to consider. It is often said that in order to gain the respect of the outside world, it is important to have a clear plan in place. Even if taking the civil service exam or the civil service recruitment exam has become challenging, we can still identify what we need.

Your son has a relatively limited educational background, which may lead to comparisons being made. In rural areas, there are often traditional views about women's roles and the importance of virtue. These beliefs may be seen as somewhat feudal and superstitious. You may wish to persevere with your current plan and maintain your confidence. However, if you do not succeed in the exam, you could consider alternative options. It might be helpful to take a career personality test to gain insight into your future adaptability. I would be happy to offer a one-on-one interpretation if you would find that helpful. Best wishes!

Could I ask you a question, ZQ?

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach. I can see that you have a good ability to analyze things and self-control in rational thinking, which I like.

From what you've said, it's clear you have your own ideas and plans for your life, and you have a different perspective from your father on the suggestions you've made.

Your concerns stem from your assumptions about your parents. You and your parents haven't communicated effectively. Your speculation about your parents has led to a rebellious attitude and "hostility" towards them, making it even more difficult for you to communicate effectively and understand their true thoughts.

Let me give you a warm hug. I can tell you're upset about this. Let's take a look at what's bothering you.

Let's talk about some of the communication challenges between different generations.

Each generation has its own way of thinking and acting, and this is due to differences in upbringing, education, and learning opportunities, which lead to the so-called "generation gap."

It's just that we're used to looking at things from our own perspective and aren't willing to step into someone else's shoes or consider other points of view.

The protective wall of ideas that parents have built up over decades is much higher than that of their children, who have only built it over a decade or so. Parents often tell their children, "I have been through more than you will ever experience." Indeed, parents have much more social experience and life experience than their children.

Everyone has their own life trajectory. Just as parents can't use their life experiences in their 40s to demand that their children experience the same things in their teens, children also need to experience and experience their own lives for themselves.

The key thing to understand is that there's no problem with safety or morality or ethics.

Parents are parents, and they have a responsibility to raise their children and a right to teach them. But they should also be treated with respect and equality as human beings.

You also mentioned your future life plan. You're an adult now, so you have the judgment and ability to take responsibility.

Parents should respect and trust you. When they do, they can give you good advice and help you out without getting in your way too much.

It's also important to show that you're an adult, that you've grown and matured, that you can make good choices and judgments, and that you can also handle the consequences of the choices you make. Let your parents truly feel at ease and trust you, and earn their respect and let you go.

It's not about acting against your parents or rebelling against them. It's about respecting and trusting each other. Believe that your parents love you, want what's best for you, and don't want you to make mistakes and pay a high price in life.

Try to see things from other people's points of view, consider different perspectives, and recognize the truth in more problems. This will give you more options and freedom.

2. Improve communication between family members:

Effective communication means sharing ideas and expressing emotions. The goal is to reach a mutual understanding and a smooth flow of emotions, so that together you can find a solution to the problem.

You can share your thoughts and feelings, as well as your parents' advice, their involvement in your life, and your own opinions.

At the same time, you can also listen to your parents' feelings and opinions, which might be different from what you thought. All parents love their children, and every child's success is a source of pride for the parents.

There's an unmet need behind every emotion. Your guesses about your parents have made you feel aggrieved and angry. Ask yourself: what is your inner need?

You want your parents to see you, to know you're doing a good job, to treat you fairly and with respect.

Besides fighting with your parents and developing a rebellious streak, are there any other ways to satisfy this need of yours?

There are more than three ways to do everything. Pursuing your own life is also about hoping to reap a happy and fulfilling life. If you're not happy now, and the future is made up of every "present," how can the future be happy?

I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you all the best.

If you want to keep talking, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'll keep in touch and we'll work together one-on-one.

Hello! I hope you will accept this warm hug from afar.

I can sense your deep sense of grievance and your longing to be understood and supported.

It seems that you have also correctly identified the reasons behind your parents' opposition to your pursuit of further studies. One is the perception that you, as a girl, don't require as much education, and that you should prioritize getting married at an early age over continuing your studies. The other is the desire for you as a girl to have a stable job, which may stem from the fact that the work they do instills a strong sense of insecurity.

While your parents' lack of support for you to continue your studies may make you feel sad, upset, aggrieved, and even understand their actions, it's important to recognize that you may also feel unappreciated, unsupported, and unloved. It's natural to experience these feelings at this stage, but it's essential to remember that your parents' actions don't necessarily reflect a lack of love for you. They are simply trying to guide you within the limits of their understanding.

From your description, it seems that your parents have not explicitly opposed or refused to let you continue your studies. Your father's advice to pursue a career in education and take the civil service exam seems to be influenced by a combination of his own upbringing, life experience, and his feelings and experiences about life, as well as his plans for his children's future.

In other words, the era in which your parents lived made them particularly yearn for stability and a sense of certainty. It could be said that behind this stability is not only a person's work and income; it is also acceptance of popular cultural conventions, such as the idea that men should get married when they are old enough, that women should get married when they are old enough, that girls don't need to be very capable, and that getting married early and having a stable home is more important than anything else. And this is not only the simplest and most pure desire in your parents' hearts, it is actually a desire that millions of Chinese parents have, especially for girls.

If your parents are not aware that their experiences are different from yours, and if they do not engage in ongoing learning, it may be helpful for you to accept that they are who they are. This does not mean that they do not love you; it simply means that they express love in their own way.

Perhaps you could talk to your parents about your thoughts and feelings in an open and honest way. You might find it helpful to tell them how you understand their advice and how they have brought you up. You may feel that you have the ability and confidence to make yourself better, but you also want to do your best and not let yourself down. You hope to have a broader life, but you feel that your parents could give you courage and support, which would help you to have more self-confidence.

It might also be helpful to consider why you are so sensitive to your father's advice. Could it be that you interpret his advice as a restriction rather than a sign of his love? Is it possible that you also have some inner resistance to continuing your studies as a daughter? Cultural customs may play a role here.

For this reason, each of us is shaped by our environment. However, when the environment presents obstacles to personal growth, it may be helpful to consider ways to navigate these challenges and create a more conducive environment through your own insights and actions. What are your thoughts on this matter?

I am Yang Lili, the respondent. I hope that my sharing will be of some guidance and help to you.

Dear question asker,

After reading your question, I can see that you're facing a difficult situation. I'm here to support you in any way I can.

I can see that you may be facing a few challenges.

The undergraduate is about to graduate, and his father has expressed interest in him pursuing a teaching job or taking the civil service exam. It seems that continuing his studies is not a preferred option. My younger brother has a high school education and is attending vocational school. I'm curious to understand my parents' perspective on pursuing a degree.

Problem analysis:

1. It is possible that in their parents' minds, the family's financial situation does not allow it. The questioner may be able to cover his own tuition and living expenses, but his parents may feel that the questioner and his younger brother will also need to start a family in a couple of years. While it is true that they can get by for now, they may need to spend money on the younger brother's wife or prepare a dowry for you.

It might be said that parents are more pragmatic and realistic than the questioner in relation to postgraduate studies. Making money early can fulfill their sense of mission in their children's lives.

2. It is possible that the parents have already made a life plan for the questioner, which may include getting married and having children. Taking the postgraduate entrance exam may delay the marriage. After finishing university, some parents may encourage their children to get married as soon as possible and become stable as soon as possible, so that they can enjoy the joys of human relationships earlier.

It is possible that the parents have already made a life plan for the questioner, which may include getting married and having children. If the questioner thinks differently and delays marriage for a few years, it is understandable that their parents may not be willing to accept this decision.

3. The idea that education is useless. Parents often form their own logic based on the phenomena they observe in society. For example, seeing that undergraduates are everywhere and postgraduates are also doing the work of undergraduates, they may feel that in modern society, ability is valued above education. This could lead them to believe that a bachelor's degree is sufficient and a master's degree is unnecessary, or that pursuing one is a waste of time, energy, and money.

4. Some parents may have a limited perspective and may still hold traditional views on the value of an ideal, such as pursuing a university degree, finding a stable job, getting married, having children, and enjoying the happiness of human relationships.

It is understandable that parents may perceive things differently, and their views may not align with the current concept of survival in the market. It is natural for parents to focus on the immediate benefits and may find it challenging to consider or cope with the variables that may occur in the future.

5. They may also be concerned about their children having to work too hard to achieve their goals. Pursuing postgraduate studies is not easy and requires a lot of hard work. On the one hand, parents will be proud of their children, but on the other hand, they may also feel a certain degree of sympathy for them.

6. Parental desire for control. It is possible that parents may have unfulfilled ideals, and they may place their hopes on the next generation, hoping that their children will help them achieve them. This could also apply to the civil service exam.

It is not uncommon for parents to hope that their children will achieve what they themselves have not been able to. However, there is a possibility that what they offer may not align with their children's genuine aspirations.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. With love,

Hello, question asker, I can feel your frustration, reluctance, and confusion.

After graduating, she wanted to study more, but her father didn't.

You want to continue your studies, but feel guilty for not fulfilling your father's hopes.

You also feel that your parents won't invest more time and resources in you because you're a girl.

Are you feeling depressed, confused, and sad?

Separate your father from the subject.

Your father wants you to work as a teacher or pass the civil service exam to become a civil servant. He doesn't want you to continue your studies.

Your father's hopes and expectations are his own business. You may feel a little guilty, but it's not your fault.

We have to live for ourselves to stay on track.

As a girl, you are no worse than anyone else.

You don't think highly of yourself as a girl, and you're worried your family will dislike you.

You were strong and independent. You paid for your own schooling to avoid trouble for your family.

You must feel aggrieved, guessing that your brother was not a good student and that your father did not want you to enjoy more educational resources.

You don't have to compare yourself to anyone. You've always been good, so don't doubt yourself.

Talk to your father.

Your guesses about your father have made you feel inferior and lacking in self-confidence.

Why not talk to your father? Listen to him and stop worrying.

Maybe dad has his own struggles, and we've just misunderstood him.

Trying to understand the truth will make you more transparent, mature, and powerful.

Best wishes!

From what I can tell, the questioner, who has already graduated from university and is now looking to continue studying, isn't likely to face much resistance from his parents!

My dad wanted me to become a teacher or take the civil service exam, and he wasn't too keen on me continuing my studies. I totally get it. When you asked him, he just shared his thoughts.

From what you've written, it seems like your dad isn't too keen on you continuing your studies. But hey, that's just my take!

I'm so sorry to hear that!

I also mentioned that if I get in, I will take care of my own tuition fees and living expenses, so I won't be a burden to my family. "To continue studying, the biggest support you need from your parents is probably financial support.

Now that the questioner has decided to take care of the tuition and living expenses on his own, even if his parents strongly disagree, it won't do any harm to you!

I think it's probably this:

1. It could be that the son in the family has a lower education level and isn't keen for his daughter to get more education.

2. Another reason is that people in rural areas generally get married and have children in their early 20s. They also hope that I will get married as soon as possible and not be held back by my studies.

3. They also seem to be adding their own unfinished business to me, hoping that I will achieve it, such as taking the civil service exam.

The second possibility the questioner is thinking about is definitely something that could happen. But the first and third seem to be a bit contradictory. If they really want to add their unfinished education to yours, then since your younger brother has a lower education level, they might be hoping that you have an even higher education level to balance out your younger brother's low education level.

And your continued learning will only add points to their desired civil service exam, not subtract points!

"I am limited by my age and experience, and I don't know if there are any other possibilities. I'm not going to ask now." I'm just a little curious as to why the questioner is so obsessed with finding out why their parents don't want them to continue studying.

You can just ask them, but then you say that you won't do it now.

From what we've discussed, it's clear that your parents' opinion won't make a big difference in whether you continue your studies. It's totally understandable that you're feeling anxious about this. It seems like you're facing a few challenges, and I'm here to support you through them.

It's possible that the questioner himself is feeling a bit worried and anxious about whether he should continue learning and whether he'll be able to succeed. And "parents are unwilling" can be a good reason for the questioner to step back or not succeed.

I really hope my reply helps you in some way. I'm sending you lots of love and best wishes!