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X's relationship question: When a couple live together, I'm always the one doing the housework. What should I do?

housework laundry domestic chores division of labor relationship dynamics
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X's relationship question: When a couple live together, I'm always the one doing the housework. What should I do? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

Because he is very busy and tired at work, I do all the housework for the two of us, including laundry, shoes, bed sheets, quilt covers, sofa covers, mopping and sweeping. Of course, when he is off work, we will do these things together.

But over time, he seems to have gotten used to it. For example, he doesn't take the initiative to wash clothes, and he just puts the laundry in the dirty clothes basket as soon as he takes it off. He knows that I will wash it together with the rest of the laundry (to save water).

In terms of doing the laundry, if I put the clothes in the washing machine, he will take the initiative to hang them up after they are done. It sounds quite harmonious and peaceful.

In fact, however, he never shakes the laundry before folding it, and it is always crumpled, which I hate. I will tell him while folding the laundry that if he shakes it before folding it, the clothes will not be crumpled after drying. He will say, "You blame me for not doing the work, and you blame me for doing the work. Then you fold the laundry, and I'll do the washing." In fact, however, he never empties his pockets when washing clothes, and toilet paper scraps get everywhere; he doesn't distinguish between inner and outer clothes, and even washes outerwear like pants together with bed sheets and pillowcases; and regardless of the shade of color, he will dye white bed sheets black, red, and all kinds of colors.

When I tell him these things, he will say, "That's too much to ask, I can't remember."

So, gradually, all the housework became my responsibility.

Silvana Silvana A total of 6460 people have been helped

Support the poster from a distance. Next question.

A word to the questioner

It's important to make requests and talk in a way that's appropriate for your relationship. If you can't make him understand or talk too much, he'll get impatient.

The questioner wants the other person to do something and encourage him.

Do laundry together. Give your husband the sorted laundry and ask him to put it in the washing machine. You can also do the laundry drying together.

Many men are not good at doing housework. It's because of their personality.

Second, they didn't learn to share housework with their partners.

If they have a lot to do, they're more likely to resist. They need space to grow.

This way, the other person won't feel too much pressure. If the husband has bad habits, tell him. If the other person doesn't have to work too hard, they can solve problems by paying more attention to themselves. This will make both parties happier.

Don't make too many demands on your husband. If he wrinkles the laundry, he's doing a good job. Don't dwell on the details. If you feel he's not doing a good job, you can choose to deal with it yourself.

You're doing the laundry, which involves communication. The other person has told you what they're thinking. Maybe the questioner should change their strategy and not communicate in such a straightforward manner. If you take care of his emotions, he'll be happy to do what you ask.

There may be some emotional issues in the communication between the two sides. If you can vent your emotions, your communication will be better.

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Comments

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Leah Anderson A person of great learning is a collector of knowledge, like a curator of a museum of different ideas.

I understand where you're coming from. It's frustrating when efforts to share the load turn into more work for you. You do so much around the house, and it seems like he doesn't realize the effort involved. I think it might help if you sit down and have a calm conversation about how you feel. Maybe suggest creating a chore schedule that splits tasks fairly between you two.

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Alina Miller True learning is a journey that never ends, even after formal education.

It does sound like a lot of effort falls on your shoulders. I can see why you'd be upset with the way things are going. Perhaps you could try setting some boundaries or expectations regarding household chores. It's important that both partners contribute equally. Maybe you can find a middle ground where both of you are satisfied with the division of labor.

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Thomasin Jackson The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.

It sounds like there's a communication gap here. He may not fully grasp the extent of your dissatisfaction. Have you tried explaining exactly what bothers you and why? Sometimes people need specifics to understand the impact of their actions. It might also help to acknowledge the things he does right, like hanging up clothes, and build from there.

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Coral Fern The more you apply diligence, the more you achieve mastery.

You're doing a great deal for both of you, but it's clear that this arrangement isn't working for you. It's essential to address these issues before they cause bigger problems in your relationship. Try focusing on teamwork and express how his habits affect you emotionally. Emphasize that you want to collaborate and solve these issues together rather than having one person take on all the responsibility.

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