You try to be responsible in everything you do, but your relationships are still bad. How can you improve?

Hello, I'd like to offer you a 360-degree hug if that would be helpful.

I came across this question yesterday and have been pondering how to respond. It seems the questioner may be uncertain about the objective of the question or the desired outcome. Could it be about taking responsibility?

Or perhaps it is about improving interpersonal relationships?

From what I can gather from the questions, there seem to be a number of underlying issues.

Firstly, it seems that expectations management may not be fully in place. Could I ask whether you feel you could be more effective in managing your own expectations? For instance, you have invested a great deal in maintaining good relationships, but perhaps the results do not fully reflect your expectations.

Secondly, it seems that interpersonal relationships have a low tolerance for mistakes. Could it be that you find it challenging to accept your own mistakes in these relationships? Once a mistake is made, it can be difficult to forgive yourself.

Third, it can be challenging to receive forgiveness after making a mistake. It seems that you have apologized for a mistake in your interpersonal relationships, but the other person is reluctant to forgive you. Or, do you still feel that you have made a mistake and the other person is hesitant to forgive you? In subsequent communication, you may feel a psychological burden, which could potentially lead to a deterioration in the relationship.

Fourth, the work is not particularly creative. I'm curious to know your thoughts on what constitutes creative work.

Fifth, could you please clarify the relationship between being physically diligent but mentally lazy and uncreative work?

Sixth, uncreative work may not contribute as much to the collective value as we would hope. It would be helpful to understand the cause and effect relationship in this sentence.

Seventh, it seems that interpersonal relationships may also be challenging to develop through work, and I must admit that I'm not quite sure I fully understand this sentence.

Eighth, there seems to be room for improvement in terms of character. Based on the feedback, he is perceived as honest and willing to work. It would be valuable to understand more about how he can further demonstrate these qualities.

Ninth, while it can provide work value, it may be more challenging to provide emotional value. Could it be about providing emotional value to others? Or is it about the fact that other people's evaluation does not provide you with emotional value?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why providing the value of the work is important.

Perhaps it would be helpful to clarify what you want, what you hope to gain from the answer, and what you want to improve.

It is not uncommon for us to identify a number of issues, symptoms, or potential causes, yet find ourselves uncertain about the direction for change.

It's not quite the same as being sick, for example with a cold. The cause may be a cold, or it may be viral. The symptoms are fever, cough, sore throat, etc. The purpose of going to the doctor is to eliminate these symptoms, so that the body temperature returns to normal, the cough stops, the throat doesn't hurt, etc. In other words, when we go to the doctor, the doctor and we both have a very clear default goal.

Additionally, it is possible that an individual may be experiencing multiple health concerns simultaneously. In such cases, it is essential to ascertain which issue is most pressing and has the greatest impact, and to prioritize that treatment while postponing the others for the time being.

In short, I believe the goal is very clear.

From your question, I'm not sure I understand your goal. Is it to change interpersonal relationships, to change the way you work, or to manage expectations, for example?

It is often the case that clarifying what you want is the first step to changing yourself.

You might consider asking yourself what you want, or what kind of life you want, or who you want to be like. You could also imagine what your working life would be like if you didn't have these problems.

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to consider that knowing what you want is the only way to know how to get there.

You might also consider speaking with a counselor.

I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes pessimistic, occasionally positive and motivated. I believe in the world and in you.

Good morning, Thank you for your question.

First, acknowledge your admirable inner strength and sense of responsibility at work.

However, there is room for improvement in your interpersonal skills and creativity.

It is evident that you are a dedicated and committed individual, driven by a strong work ethic and a relentless pursuit of excellence. Your integrity and willingness to work hard are commendable.

This is your defining characteristic. Have you ever considered that the relentless pursuit of perfection in all aspects may be a result of a lack of recognition of shortcomings?

And become ordinary?

Is your objective to develop a balanced personality, or to differentiate yourself by focusing on a specific aspect of your character?

And what is your objective?

If you wish to provide emotional value, it is determined that you need to be a "good guy" who is emotionally stable and not easily provoked.

If you are a good person, would that also mean you are less creative at work?

A significant body of psychological research has demonstrated that individuals with innovative and creative abilities tend to exhibit a number of shared characteristics.

These individuals tend to exhibit traits such as a proclivity for mania, irritability, and emotional volatility. This is attributed to a primal libido (sexual instinct).

This has resulted in significant career success.

Those with stable emotions, stable personalities, and relatively high emotional intelligence are less likely to demonstrate creative abilities.

Or the spirit of innovation. It is possible that this group of people may be destined to remain ordinary for the remainder of their lives.

If so, which type of person would you select?

It is important to note that exceptions to this rule do exist, and it is not implausible to find individuals who possess both talent and creativity, along with a high EQ.

However, there is a limited number of individuals who possess these characteristics.

What is the best way to resolve this impasse?

First and foremost, it is essential to gain a clear understanding of oneself, one's values, and one's outlook on life.

What are the things you really need, and what are the things you are forced to need by the influence of others or the authoritative culture of society?

Are you compelled to meet certain expectations or requirements that you may not necessarily have chosen for yourself?

Sartre famously observed that others can be a source of great frustration.

In the absence of comparison, each individual represents a unique and valuable contribution to the global community.

This is Consultant Yao, continuing to support and care for you.

Hello, questioner!

You have done a lot of analysis of your own problems. You can identify problems and think about them, and you are determined to change yourself.

You say you have bad relationships, but you don't say what kind of relationships you have. Be specific. Do you have too few friends, or no close friends, or do you want to be the center of attention?

From your question, it's not clear what you want to change.

This is the primary problem you need to solve.

Given that you've said your work is basic and lacks value, I believe you want recognition from your leaders and colleagues.

I'm going to share my thoughts in the hope that they will help you think differently.

First, you need to gain deeper self-awareness. Ask yourself: What is it that you really want?

Is it, as I said, the need for recognition from others? If not, then what is it? You need to experience your own heart and sense it well.

Focus on your needs. Identify them. Then, analyze your problems.

Second, you must understand that other people's recognition of you and your own self-worth are not necessarily the same.

We praise people who have achieved great things or made great sacrifices. That's just how it is. Humans are drawn to the extraordinary.

Of course not! Ordinary people have immense value. Before the characters of Touching China were selected, they were all unknown. There are undoubtedly many people like them, who, although not selected as characters of Touching China, are just as valuable.

Your work may not be creative, and you may not be unique, but you have intrinsic value.

Third, recognize your own strengths.

You desire recognition from others because you haven't established a sense of self-worth from within. When you don't know the world or yourself, you need to position yourself through the opinions of others.

As we grow up, we realize that the opinions of many people are irrelevant and not necessarily accurate. If we recognize ourselves from the heart, the opinions of others will become less important.

You work conscientiously and responsibly, and that makes you amazing. You also think a lot about yourself and ask for help on the platform.

You are motivated, courageous, and intelligent.

I am Haru Aoki, and I love the world.

Hello there!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe that learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can tell you're not happy with yourself, you want to change, and you feel like you're stuck.

I totally get it. I won't go into the details of your worries about your unsatisfactory relationships, but I would like to give you three pieces of advice:

First, I suggest you try to accept your current state, my friend.

I promise you, doing this will make your heart feel a little bit lighter, and that will help you think about what to do next.

You say that you are at the basic and learning stage at work, and the work you do is not very creative. This makes you, who strives to be responsible and is also practical and hardworking, only be able to provide work value for others, and it is difficult for you to provide emotional value. This makes you feel that your personality lacks characteristics, and that no matter how much repetitive work you do, you are no match for a slick old pro who gets along well at the office. So you want to improve your interpersonal relationships. In fact, your state of mind is understandable, because almost everyone wants to have good interpersonal relationships, to be tolerated when they make mistakes, and to crave the approval and understanding of others. This is one of the basic needs of human beings. This includes your desire to provide emotional value to others and to do more creative work. It is also normal, because everyone has the potential to improve and wants to become better. So try to accept your state of mind, "see" the anxious you who is not very satisfied with the current situation but doesn't know what to do for now. This will give you extra mental energy to think about other things, otherwise your brain will be filled with all kinds of negative emotions.

It's so important to try to accept yourself, because that's the only way to make a change in your life. I know it might sound a bit strange, but it's true! Change is all about allowing yourself to be who you are, and that's something we can all do!

Secondly, I'd like to suggest that you take a moment to view your own state in a rational way.

Because when you think things through, you can really get to know yourself and the world around you better.

To do this in a way that makes sense, there are two things you can do:

It's so important to understand that personal growth is a process, and that improving your relationships at work is also a process.

I totally get it. You feel like you're not quite there yet in terms of providing emotional value to others. It's okay! You just need to learn to view yourself with a developmental perspective and give yourself some time.

Secondly, remember that doing the basic and learning stage work is the key to your growth, becoming stronger, and being able to do creative work in the future. You've got this!

So, if you don't go back to the basics, you might find that your growth is just a bit of a fantasy.

So, you are responsible now, which is a very good quality!

I really think this is a great personality trait!

When you look at it rationally like this, I really think you'll find that various negative emotions in your heart will start to feel a bit better.

I really think you should focus on yourself for a while and think about what you can do to meet your expectations.

For instance, you can take a look at those colleagues or friends who really manage their relationships well at work and see what they do. You can learn from them, which will also help you become a better person and make you feel better.

You might also find it helpful to read some books on improving your workplace skills (such as "Why Do People Like You?", "Improving Emotional Intelligence", "Learning to Express Yourself", etc.). These can help you to see how you can improve your work and interpersonal skills, which can also help you.

You can also tell yourself, "Hey, don't worry! This matter cannot be rushed. You need to take things slowly, and doing what you should do now is the key." When you repeatedly remind yourself of this, you may feel more relaxed inside.

It's also important to recognize the good in yourself and accept yourself more. This will help you feel more confident, and in turn, you'll give off a positive vibe when interacting with others, which is great for managing relationships! Basically, you need to know that you can do something to improve the situation.

I know it can be tough, but when you start taking action, all those negative emotions will start to melt away. Believe me, action is the best way to beat those negative feelings.

I really hope my answer helps you! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom and I'll be happy to have a one-on-one conversation with you.

Dear Question Asker, From your description, it is evident that you are a dedicated and hardworking individual, eager to contribute actively. This is highly commendable. Additionally, you have a relatively clear understanding of your strengths and weaknesses.

Let us now analyze your description.

1. "There is a lack of effective expectation management. A large amount of work is completed at the beginning, leaving limited opportunity for improvement later. There is also a low tolerance for mistakes in interpersonal relationships, and once a mistake is made, it is difficult to be forgiven."

Are there discrepancies between the expectations of your colleagues and your own expectations regarding expectations management? When you make a mistake and are not understood by others, can you demonstrate tolerance and accept that you have made a mistake?

Failure is the mother of success. Each mistake presents an opportunity for growth. It is beneficial to summarize and reflect on each mistake to identify areas for improvement. This process allows us to learn from our mistakes and gain valuable knowledge and experience.

Regarding whether colleagues can understand, we can communicate further. Following communication, there will be a certain effect. We can also discuss with colleagues and learn from each other, which can also gain their respect.

Regarding the notion that we undertake a significant amount of work at the outset and then make minimal headway, I am of the opinion that this is not the case. Given the finite nature of our resources, it is essential to manage our time and energy in a prudent manner. Whether we are in the initial stages or approaching the culmination of a project, it is crucial to allocate our time in a reasonable manner. To illustrate, how much time should be dedicated to completing a specific volume of work during the first half of the project, and how much time should be allotted to the second half?

Should we encounter any difficulties, it would be advisable to communicate with our colleagues. What are your thoughts on this? I believe this would have a positive outcome.

Furthermore, you will feel respected. Through open communication, your colleagues will gain a new understanding of you, which will help to avoid any misunderstandings.

2. "The work you do is not creative. It is primarily physically diligent, but lacks the mental agility required for more complex tasks. While it may appear to be a significant workload, much of it is repetitive and low-value. Work that is not creative has limited collective value, making it challenging to develop meaningful interpersonal relationships through work."

From the description in this text, I can see that you are very down-to-earth and willing to work at your job. However, some work just requires repetitive actions. Since you have already realized that there is no creativity in your work, I suggest we try to make a breakthrough. For example, we can try new methods to do the same thing, which may result in a more enjoyable experience.

In a group setting, the strength of the group is of greater importance, which means being able to motivate everyone. This requires effective communication skills, which can be a challenge in coordinating interpersonal relationships at work. I believe that, given your awareness of this issue, you should be able to achieve the desired result by gradually making a breakthrough later on.

If you are a management staff member, coordinating interpersonal relationships is an important part of the job. Mobilizing good interpersonal relationships is more conducive to mobilizing work enthusiasm, which makes your job easier. However, there still needs to be an appropriate distance between colleagues at work.

3. "Personality traits lack characteristics. Historically, the comments I have received are that I am honest and willing to work, which can provide work value but is difficult to provide emotional value. Currently, I am still in the phase of developing my skills and knowledge. In comparison to employees with the same seniority, I have certain work abilities and can perform tasks that they cannot, but in front of senior employees, these abilities are perceived as ordinary and do not contribute significantly to work value.

As a result, I have not yet established any distinctive personal characteristics in the eyes of others. Despite my reliability and competence, I have given the impression that I am not as adept at navigating the nuances of the business as a more seasoned individual.

I am unaware of your tenure in this position. Based on your description, you appear to be in the initial phase of learning and performing fundamental tasks. This is an optimal time to develop and enhance your abilities.

However, it is evident that you are highly motivated and meticulous in your work. You are exceptionally proficient in your role, and I am confident that you will excel in this position.

Is it challenging to provide emotional value, such as empathy for colleagues? Is it difficult to understand and communicate with others effectively? Is that what you mean?

When observing the conduct of more senior colleagues, do you perceive them to be more adept at coordinating tasks, and do you feel any negative emotions when you see them being less polished in their communication?

Do you aspire to emulate them? Are you prepared to become a skilled communicator?

It is important to have a positive attitude towards effective communication. If you view it in a positive light, you can see that it is an excellent way to build strong interpersonal relationships and achieve empathy and mutual understanding with colleagues. This allows you to support each other effectively.

If you would like to become more like this, then I would suggest starting with this particular aspect.

I believe you can benefit from practicing empathy towards others, which will contribute to more effective work and collaboration with colleagues.

In the event of an error at work, colleagues will be able to empathize with you, demonstrate tolerance, and offer understanding.

It is recommended that you:

First, I suggest reading some books about interpersonal relationships. Second, in addition to work, you can also participate in group activities at work or outdoor activities, which are designed to promote harmonious and friendly relations between colleagues. Third, it is important to be tolerant of yourself, especially when you make a mistake, whether it is the expectations of your colleagues or your own expectations of yourself.

I hope this information is useful to you. Thank you, and I wish you the best of success!

Greetings!

From the description provided, it is evident that this issue has been a source of concern for the individual in question for an extended period. Additionally, the individual has engaged in introspective analysis and is aware of the underlying cause of the problem. This discussion will be approached from the perspective of an individual who has experienced a similar situation, with the aim of providing a constructive and effective approach for addressing the issue.

1. You indicate that you engage in numerous activities and provide assistance to those who request it. However, if you decline, you are concerned about causing offense.

It is important to recognize that it is often challenging to satisfy all individuals. The concept of "fighting for a rice bowl and resenting a grain of rice" is one that should be understood. It is beneficial to identify which individuals in the workplace are satisfied with one's performance and which are not. In these instances, it is advisable to prioritize the satisfaction of these individuals to the greatest extent possible. When possible, it is acceptable to decline requests from others, and there is no need to be concerned about offending individuals.

2. In the workplace, it is not uncommon for individuals to seek recognition for their skills and work performance. However, it is also possible to engage in activities outside of one's professional responsibilities to strengthen relationships.

3. A reputation for integrity and a willingness to work hard is an excellent asset. You are already more accepted by your superiors than employees of the same year. Since you cannot yet be considered on par with senior employees, it would be prudent to learn from them. It is always beneficial to learn. Even if, as a last resort, this company does not wish to retain your services, you are capable, so you can seek employment elsewhere.

It is important to distinguish between the concept of work and the physical location where one performs work. I hope this information is helpful.

Hello, question asker. From your statement, I can tell that you are a kind, responsible person who is good at self-awareness and has high expectations of yourself. I can also sense how challenging it is for you in your relationships.

You mentioned that

?1. It seems that expectations management is not in place, and you always do a lot of things at the beginning, so there is little room for improvement afterwards. You appear to have a low tolerance for interpersonal relationships, and it seems that once you make a mistake, it is difficult for others to forgive you.

Based on this, I believe that

You do a lot at first, and you want everything to be perfect. I think it's worth noting that when you do more things, the error rate is higher.

If you made a mistake, did you try to find a way to console yourself or explain it away? It must be very uncomfortable to be unforgiven by your colleagues.

It is worth noting that the attitude of your colleagues and your own perception of it can have a significant impact on your emotions.

The work you do may not be as creative as it could be. You are certainly physically diligent, but perhaps you could work on being more mentally engaged. It seems like you are doing a lot, but much of it is repetitive and low-value work. Work that is not creative has limited collective value, so it might be challenging to develop interpersonal relationships through work.

From what I have read, I get the impression that you are also looking for ways and reasons to improve your interpersonal relationships through hard work.

Practice makes perfect at work, and simple things are done over and over again. Putting aside interpersonal relationships, I wonder if you are satisfied with your work. From your description, I personally feel that there is nothing wrong with your work ability.

If you can improve your interpersonal relationships and gain recognition through your work, you will be in a unique position to do so. Colleagues may have different priorities and may be more focused on their own interests and moods.

If you had to choose between being a person who makes your colleagues happy and getting along with everyone and doing your job well and being down-to-earth, which would you prefer? It might be helpful to consider your own needs as well.

Personality traits: I have always been evaluated as honest and willing to work, which I believe provides value in the workplace. However, I recognise that this trait may not always provide the same level of emotional value. Currently, I am still in the phase of developing my skills and knowledge. Compared to employees with the same seniority, I have certain abilities that allow me to contribute in ways that they may not be able to. However, in the presence of senior employees, these abilities may not be as noticeable, and the value they provide may not be as apparent.

As a result, I feel that I lack a certain personal charisma in the eyes of others. While I am responsible, I sometimes give the impression that I am not as polished as someone who has been in the industry for longer.

Reading this, I can't help but express my reservations. It seems that everyone in the workplace has different goals, despite the fact that they are all paid wages. Some people do appear to spend their time talking sweetly and cultivating relationships, while others just work hard.

It would seem that, in such a work environment, the direct supervisor is not the boss, and therefore the individual is not concerned with the company's interests, but rather with their own. It may therefore be necessary to invest more time in getting along with other people if one wishes to get along well in this kind of environment.

Some people are simply born with it.

Some people may benefit from working on these skills later in life.

What are your thoughts on interpersonal relationships in the workplace? Do you believe it is important to get along with people and be good friends, or do you think maintaining a comfortable distance and a certain distance between each other is preferable? Some people are very independent, doing their own work, and can be very self-sufficient without friends at work.

Some people enjoy connecting with others and engaging in group activities. Others prefer to be independent, yet may experience feelings of loneliness.

Some people enjoy a lively, dynamic approach to relationships, while others prefer a more straightforward and straightforward approach. It's important to understand your own needs and preferences, and to communicate them clearly to others.

It would be beneficial to explore further the ways in which your family of origin influences your relationships with others and your overall outlook on life. If you're interested, you might find it helpful to read more on this subject.

It might be said that communication skills are not only innate, but also acquired through practice. They are developed through countless interactions.

Those who are demanding of themselves and afraid of making mistakes may be more careful in communication, which could potentially reduce the chances of contact. This may also lead to a cautious attitude.

You might find it helpful to read a few books on communication skills, such as The Power of Empathy and How to Communicate Effectively.

I hope you find them helpful.

Dear Sir/Madam, You have demonstrated a high level of self-awareness and a comprehensive understanding of the issues you have identified. For someone new to the workplace, having such awareness and understanding is an excellent starting point for improvement. I would like to extend my congratulations to you on this achievement. In the following sections, I will share my own experience and explore the following with you:

The issue of work commitment not aligning with expected outcomes. New employees often prioritize a strong initial performance, recognizing that a solid foundation is crucial for success.

You may believe that you can achieve a great deal at the outset and that there is little room for improvement later on. This suggests that you are somewhat impatient, pushing too hard, and not balancing the pace of work with the time needed to do it well. This is a common situation for many young people. You can remind yourself that it is more important to do a good job at the beginning than to do more than you can.

This is the essence of practicality, taking a measured approach and exercising caution.

Is "low fault tolerance" a problem of enterprise management or a problem of interpersonal relationships? There is a clear distinction between the two.

If it is a core component, it is clear that a low fault tolerance rate is essential for an important part of a precision instrument. It is also normal that once a mistake is made, it is difficult to be forgiven.

This is distinct from interpersonal relationships.

The work they do is not creative. It may seem like they are doing a lot, but much of it is repetitive and low value. This is a common problem among new employees. Simple repetitive work is also a process of training to improve performance with practice. Doing simple work to the extreme is not simple.

I am acquainted with a female welder who became the top performer in a male-dominated field and was selected as a delegate to the 19th National Congress of the Communist Party of China. This demonstrates that there are opportunities for creativity even in traditionally uncreative roles.

Your self-reflection is highly valuable. New employees should consider the concept of "physically diligent, mentally lazy."

There is a distinction between being able to do something and doing it well. To make a significant advancement, one must invest time and effort to gain the experience and skills necessary to excel.

Creativity is a breakthrough based on proficiency, not something that can be obtained by showing off or being clever.

Your personality traits are your characteristics, and your honesty and willingness to work hard have been well-evaluated. This is a rare quality, and I can also feel your integrity and value from your description of yourself. Your willingness to work hard is a quality that any company values, and the best creativity you can show is creating value for the company.

Your value may not be as immediately apparent as that of outgoing individuals with a high level of interpersonal success. However, it is important to recognize that people have different strengths and that everyone's unique qualities are valuable assets. Success in any endeavor hinges on leveraging one's strengths effectively.

You appear to place a higher value on interpersonal relationships. You believe that only creative work is valuable, can be discovered, and can be liked by everyone.

"Work that is not creative has limited collective value, so it is difficult for interpersonal relationships to develop through work." Interpersonal relationships are to a large extent a value exchange and also involve emotional interaction. It is important to first use your personality and work skills to gain support, and then learn to win good relationships in interpersonal relationships. This is the only way to demonstrate your economic, social, and emotional value.

Regarding integrity as a personality trait, it also has two sides. There is the side that hates evil like one hates a disease and is upright and just, which is suitable for law enforcement work such as quality inspection or discipline inspection. However, if you are engaged in sales and public relations, you will lack flexibility. As for those who are good at talking but not working, they may not be able to handle difficult tasks.

It is therefore important not to compare yourself with others, but rather to focus on your own performance. While taking responsibility is a positive attribute, if you do not consider the perspectives of others when interacting with them and act in a manner that is solely driven by your own preferences, you may unintentionally create discomfort and negatively impact your interpersonal relationships.

It would be unwise to underestimate the experience and expertise of those who have been in the field for a longer period of time. There is always something to be learned from them. It is important to remember that there is no such thing as a useless person; they may simply be in the wrong role.

What are your thoughts on this matter? There is a reason for everything. Take your time to discover the reason.

I am unsure if these analyses will be of assistance to you, but they are provided for your reference.

Hello, Xichen! Psychology is here for you, my friend.

You say that you are a responsible person, which I can see from your work history. However, you feel that your interpersonal relationships could be better, and you hope to improve them. You have summed up your current situation in three points: ineffective expectation management, low interpersonal tolerance for mistakes; uncreative work; and uncharacteristic personality traits.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're longing for a change and feeling a bit frustrated. I'm here for you, and I'm sending you a big hug from afar!

Let's get to the bottom of things, starting with the third point.

You feel like you don't have a distinctive personality. It seems like the only thing you're valued for is your work ethic, not your emotions.

Integrity is character, and willingness to work is attitude. This is a very positive evaluation!

A good character and a good work ethic are all you need to get by in the world. But this evaluation makes you feel like your emotions haven't been taken into account.

You're responsible, and I can especially feel your grievances and injustices.

I really feel for you. This phenomenon really does exist in life. But your work has its own value. I know you're doing some basic work, but without basic work, how can those so-called creative jobs be achieved?

Your integrity and willingness to work are the most solid foundation of a team. It is only with many people like you and me doing the so-called basic work that a team can be supported and developed to a higher and better level. Thank you for all you do!

We're pretty great, too!

You feel like the work you do isn't creative. What does creativity mean to you?

There's a great saying I love: "If you do the same thing over and over again, you'll become an expert. If you do your expert's job with care, you'll become a professional."

If we focus on doing the simple tasks at hand well and in our own unique way, that's also creative. Among millions of simple repetitions, if you can persevere, that's no easy feat!

Let's circle back to the main question you asked. It's so important to focus on improving your interpersonal relationships! You're already doing a great job being conscientious and responsible in your work. That's a fantastic foundation for building strong connections with others.

Maybe you're hoping to express your emotions better in your relationships with others? How can we improve our relationships at work, especially with our leaders?

First of all, we must of course do our own work well. You've already done this very well! You're so conscientious, responsible, upright, and capable.

Then we have to let our leaders see our hard work and efforts regularly. This requires us to frequently summarize and report on our work, which we can do together!

It's not the leader's job to ask about everyone's work at the grassroots level. That's why it's so important for us to keep our leader in the loop by reporting our progress. That way, our leader can better grasp the overall situation.

The lovely folks at our little restaurant put together a daily report that goes to the leaders. This helps the purchasing department know what needs to be purchased right away and what can wait. It's a great way for the leaders to make informed decisions!

And we can't forget about the wonderful accountant who sends a summary of the company's daily expenditures to the department head. Thanks to this, the department head knows exactly where the company's money goes every day.

They do all the very basic work, and they do it so well! Because of their meticulous and professional work, the leaders were very impressed with them.

Later on, when there was an opportunity for promotion, the two of them really shone!

I firmly believe that action is the best way to show emotional intelligence. The leader of any unit needs people who work hard.

Oh, those smooth-talkers! It's possible you're only seeing the surface, without realizing the leader's true opinion of him.

There are some people like this in our unit. Every time the leader sees him, he has a particularly good attitude, and everyone seems to respect him. But behind his back, we never think of him as someone we can rely on for important matters. The leader also always assigns work to those who are down-to-earth and willing to work.

This is our value, and we're proud of it!

It's so interesting how our perspective can change how we feel about things! Cognitive behavioral therapy believes that what affects our inner mood is not necessarily the event itself, but our perception of the event.

If you change your perspective, you'll feel differently, I promise!

I really hope this helps!

Good day, host. I would like to begin by affirming your self-analysis.

After reading your description, it is evident that your responsibility is to act in an irresponsible manner.

From your description, it can be seen that you will perform your duties in a commendable manner and will not be prone to negligence. However, it is also evident that you will complete your tasks in a satisfactory and proficient manner.

The objective of one's actions is not necessarily derived from a genuine passion for the work itself or a desire to be compensated for it. Rather, it is often driven by a need to avoid potential missteps and assume responsibility for them.

From this, it can be inferred that you do not possess a great deal of passion for your endeavors. Your actions are largely driven by the need to ensure your own survival.

In an extremely harsh survival environment, the value of one's actions is directly correlated with the likelihood of survival.

However, the contemporary environment is not characterized by significant adversity, and the pressure to survive is relatively minimal. Consequently, one's actions may be perceived as a form of self-erasure, effectively negating one's existence and personality.

In essence, species that seek to survive in nature do so by concealing themselves, yet when seeking a mate, they display conspicuous and colorful behavior.

It can be posited that all individuals possess two fundamental needs: one pertaining to survival and the other to sexual charm.

These two needs coexist, yet they are also mutually exclusive.

If one is pursuing sexual charm, it is a prerequisite that one is alive. However, pursuing sexual charm inevitably results in one becoming prominent, which in turn results in the possibility of being alive being compromised.

In your case, you have significantly repressed your sexual charm in the pursuit of your survival needs.

It can be argued that all actions are undertaken with the sole purpose of ensuring survival. However, this focus on mere survival can result in individuals becoming unremarkable, inconspicuous, and lacking in personality.

In consideration of the prevailing circumstances, however, our own living environment is not unduly harsh, and we are able to live in a relatively natural manner. It may then become apparent that one has expended considerable effort merely to maintain one's own existence. In contrast, others have not exerted the same degree of effort, nor have they exercised the same degree of caution, yet they remain alive, and may even be leading a more comfortable existence than oneself.

At this juncture, an internal conflict may arise, wherein the perceived reward for one's efforts may not align with the actual effort expended.

It can be argued that you have relinquished your need for sexual charm, yet the probability of attaining your need for survival is less than that of others. Nevertheless, at this juncture, you may be more susceptible to feelings of despair.

Similarly, the sheep most likely to perish are those that are ordinary and unremarkable, just as the leader of a flock is the one least likely to die.

The need for survival and the need for sexual charm are interdependent but also independent of each other.

At this juncture, it is imperative to reflect on the true essence of one's existence and to ascertain the intrinsic worth of one's life.

The objective is to be seen by more ewes. Is it preferable to have more choice in mates, or is there another factor at play?

Should you require such counsel, you are encouraged to seek it from me.

Ultimately, it is my sincerest hope that you will experience an increase in happiness.

Hello, I'm E Liying, a listening therapist. I'm also a worker, and I'd love to share what I've learned from my colleagues. I hope you find this perspective helpful.

I'm here to help you integrate your resources!

You have a lot to think about, and that's okay!

You are so forward-thinking!

You've been praised for being responsible and hardworking, which is so great to hear!

?️Among employees of the same seniority, those with a certain ability to work

Let's take a look at the current situation together.

I'm wondering if you've had some major setbacks or blows in terms of your interpersonal relationships?

I saw that you wrote this at the beginning: "For interpersonal relationships, the fault tolerance rate is low, and once you make a mistake, it is difficult to be forgiven." I can see how that must have been really tough for you.

This is a very serious statement. I can sense a possibility like this: you have experienced very uncomfortable blame or even condemnation because you did make a mistake, and this is something you cannot make up for, or it is difficult to make up for. I'm here to help you work through this.

It seems like you're motivated by avoidance and achievement.

You have a tendency to think your abilities are fixed and unchangeable, which might be why your social skills don't seem to develop much further.

You really care about your social achievements. It's so important to you to come across as responsible, honest, and willing to work.

I can see that you might feel it's tricky to become a social butterfly, especially for you.

So, it's possible that in your behavior, you also unconsciously choose tasks that prove your abilities and avoid appearing incompetent.

You've also done a great job of avoiding the negative consequences of making the same mistake twice. It's so admirable that you've chosen to avoid new tasks that are challenging, possibly failable, and creative.

You chose a more secure path, and you are more comfortable with the basic work and learning. You've also gained some great reviews for your willingness to work and integrity!

It seems there might be a bit of a mismatch between what you do and what you expect.

You say you are "physically diligent but mentally lazy," but I have a different take. You are obviously physically diligent, and I admire that! However, I do think there's room for improvement in aligning your diligence with the gains you expect to get.

I can see that there's a difference between doing the basic work and completing it steadily, and the expectation of being seen by more people in a more glamorous light.

We're here to help! Please let us know if you need any suggestions for adjusting to this new situation.

Take some time for yourself to work through any past hurts and disappointments.

It might be that in a relationship that didn't work out, you're being too hard on yourself. It's not the person you hurt, or the person you're afraid of hurting, but yourself.

It's possible that you might blame yourself for something that wasn't your fault. It's also possible that you might blame yourself for something that happened to you, like a major accident. It's natural to feel this way, but remember that nobody is perfect.

But the truth is, nobody's perfect!

The Analects of Confucius say something really lovely that I think you'll find very helpful.

"The mistakes of a gentleman are like the eclipses of the sun and moon. Everyone sees them, but everyone looks up to him when he corrects them."

"The mistakes of a gentleman are like solar and lunar eclipses. When he makes a mistake, everyone can see it; when he corrects it, everyone looks up to him."

You know, "making a big mistake" doesn't necessarily mean "hard to be forgiven."

It's all about how you look at the mistake and how you turn it into something valuable and unique to you. In the future, in the same field, you might even gain a keener sense than others, and be appreciated by everyone!

Of course, general principles are general principles, and you must have your own reasons, which are more applicable to your own situation. That's why the advice given by outsiders in this regard is just that — advice. What's most important is that you figure it out yourself.

We really think you should call a listening phone or make an appointment for psychological counseling. From a psychological perspective, exploring your negative emotions about change, innovation, and risk-taking in a safe and accepting environment may be more helpful in unlocking your knots.

?broaden your horizons and understand [proximal achievement motivation]?

The great thing about the convergence type of achievement motivation is that it focuses on "ability growth." That means your abilities can be changed and improved through learning!

In this section, you can set an "achievement goal" for yourself, i.e., "what I want to achieve."

For example, I hope everyone sees me as someone who provides emotional value.

I'd love to be able to provide emotional value to at least three people at work this week.

You're a success as long as you've gained knowledge, improved your abilities, and achieved your goal!

Let's be real for a second. Even if you accidentally say the wrong thing and make a young girl cry in the process, and three days later you have mastered more skills, apologized to her, and made her feel your sincerity, and she has become happier because of the emotional value you have provided, then you have also achieved a small goal.

And don't worry about being compared to the "slick and smooth old pro." It's not a competition. You're doing great just being you!

The achievement motive of the convergence type values self-standards the most, mainly whether there is progress compared to oneself.

Now, it's time to put your plan into action! Take the first step towards your goal and start doing something.

One of the most important ways to learn is by imitation.

Xunzi's "Advocating Learning" has some great advice for us:

There's nothing better than learning from the best!

There's nothing better for learning than having a good mentor to guide you!

If there are colleagues around you who you think are amazing, leaders who can provide high work value, or even younger people, you can also learn from them!

Hey there! We all could use a little change now and then. Why not try making some small changes in your life?

For example, why not take on some of the work that more senior colleagues can do? Then, you can force yourself to learn the skills you need to master!

For instance, you could try learning some new communication skills, like learning to be more empathetic and to communicate in a non-violent way. This can help you to feel more in control of your emotions when you're talking to other people.

Of course, it's also possible that one day you'll wake up and realize that your current life is pretty good, and you don't need to make any changes. And that would be great for you!

In short, dear little whale, it was a delight meeting you!

The listening coach is online and ready to listen, my dear.

The questioner's question is very interesting. It seems like they have a lot on their mind, including some concerns, feelings of helplessness, doubts, and annoyance. It's clear that they're eager to do a good job, but the outcome hasn't matched their expectations. They're trying to figure out where things might have gone wrong. We can all relate to feeling a bit frustrated in this kind of situation. The questioner can take comfort in accepting these worries and confusions first.

From what I can tell, the questioner has a strong logical mind, which is often referred to as "rational thinking." But when you look a little deeper, it seems like the questioner might not have a super clear understanding of himself and his own thoughts and feelings. He might lack a clear sense of self and a clear direction, which has led to the situation where the questioner, after putting in a lot of hard work, is unable to move forward and is unable to experience the joy of satisfaction at work.

So, how can we help the questioner find a solution to their problem?

First, the questioner talks about being responsible when doing things. It's a great question! Who is the "responsible" person here, and to whom are you responsible? It's so important to have a clear and defined goal and direction. This question is left to the questioner to think about and realize.

Secondly, it seems like the questioner might be having a bit of a hard time managing his expectations. I'm really curious about what the questioner's expectations are like, but from what he says, "I always do a lot at the beginning, and there's no room for improvement afterwards," it seems like the questioner might not be aware that this is his habitual way of thinking. It's like a student who sets the standard of getting 100 points every time. In order to get 100 points, he needs to do a lot of homework and review, and he gets the same score every time. At the same time, the total score for the subject is also the same, so there's no room for improvement afterwards. In other words, no matter how hard he tries later, he will still get the same score, so he might not experience the joy that comes from his own progress and growth because he's already used to this state.

If you apply this cognitive thinking mode to interpersonal relationships, it is like asking for 100 points. But who is measuring and controlling this 100-point standard? And how should it be measured and controlled? If you demand 100 points from others while also demanding the same 100 points from them, it can be a bit overwhelming for the other person. So, it's important to think about what you want to achieve and how you can make it happen.

This can be seen from the low tolerance for mistakes in interpersonal relationships mentioned by the questioner. It would be really helpful for them to do some deep self-reflection to see what role they play in interpersonal relationships and what kind of expectations they have when interacting with others. They can also look at the results to see what they have done in their relationships to help them progress and develop, and whether they have done anything to harm the development of the relationship. If so, what is it, and they need to find out.

The third thing the questioner said was that the work they did wasn't creative and that it was mostly repetitive and basic. This made me think of when I was working as a temporary worker in a factory in Guangdong. At first, I did all kinds of odd jobs, sweeping the floor, pulling carts, carrying goods, and cleaning machines. I was very active and didn't like to slack off. Sometimes I wasn't careful enough, but even so, one day the supervisor called me into the office and told me to learn how to operate the machine tools from the master.

Before that, I was really envious of them because they could operate the machine tools, and I thought their masters were absolutely amazing. I also wanted to try, but I just didn't know how. So, I was a little bit confused when I came that day. Looking back, I realised that it was because I didn't have so many distractions when I first started working. I just wanted to do a good job at what I had in front of me, and I did what I was supposed to do, regardless of whether the leader saw me. I had that kind of enthusiasm and passion for my work, and that's why my expectations were later realised. Later, I also thought that if I had set out to learn how to operate the machine tools, I would have focused more on pleasing the leader, which would have affected my state of mind and made me do a bad job, and I would have fallen further short of my expectations.

It might be helpful to observe what kind of attitude they use when doing things normally, where their attention is focused, and then compare it with the results. You never know, you might gain something!

Finally, the questioner mentioned that his personality lacks certain characteristics. Even if he receives positive comments from others about his "integrity and willingness to work," he still thinks this way. Or it can be said that what the questioner really wants is not the characteristic trait of "integrity and willingness to work," but some other characteristic trait. Then what is this other characteristic trait? It is something that the questioner needs to discover for himself through deep self-awareness. I won't tell you here, because if I do, it will be my words, and after a while I may forget them. But I'm sure you'll agree that it's much better for the questioner to discover this for himself.

As for the questioner's usual way of thinking, which is comparing herself with other colleagues, it might show that the questioner has a deep-seated lack of acceptance of their true self. It could be that they're always trying to gain self-satisfaction from such comparisons. This question is basically the same as the questioner's desired characteristic just mentioned. If the questioner figures it out, they will also find the answer to their confusion.

Let me say it again because it's so important: everyone is special and unique from the moment they're born. Each of us has our own special qualities that no one else has. Even if someone has lots of good qualities, they can't hide their shortcomings. And they can't hide their own good qualities and shortcomings either. This is the true self. The good news is that you can accept yourself and set a suitable goal. Then you can take one step at a time. In the process of being busy and tired, you can constantly adjust and change yourself to feel some lightheartedness, happiness, and satisfaction.

Insight into the soul, and sharing is the way to go! I'm talking to myself.

I've written three points, as if I've said three things. In fact, it seems to me that when these three points are combined, they reflect the questioner's desire to understand the unspoken rules of the workplace better. This view seems to be influenced by the overall environment, but in reality it is a normal workplace phenomenon of people eager to perform and show off their achievements.

Everyone is doing simple and repetitive tasks, but that's the foundation for success! Those who can do small things well will have the opportunity to do big things.

Focusing on the current workplace, looking at ourselves and the people around us, we may have different occupations and work in different types of jobs. Everyone is simply doing the same thing over and over again in their own work. It's just that each of us has a different perspective, which is great because it means we can all bring something different to the table! From your point of view, you think that other people are competent in roles that are more important than yours. But from their point of view, they are actually the same as you. They are also simply doing their own simple work in their own positions, which is important and valuable in its own right. And in the short term, you have not been promoted to this position that you think is more "important." From your point of view, you will feel that other people are more capable and better than you, but that just means there's room for growth and improvement!

But what about reality? It's not that he's better than you. It's that he may have seized his opportunity at a certain point in time, and that's something to be excited about!

Every job is important! No one's job is more or less important than anyone else's. It's like every part of a machine. Which parts do you think are important? Which are not?

Which parts are dispensable? If you think a part is dispensable, try removing it!

You'll be amazed at how much your perspective shifts when you see the value in every part. Don't underestimate the essence of your work, and don't look down on yourself.

Success requires accumulation of every little bit! There are many things that are too utilitarian and lose the meaning of doing them, but there are so many things in life that are worth doing!

Everyone wants to make a difference in their lives, and that is only natural! All achievements come from the accumulation of small things in your daily life.

When we were children, we were driven by one simple desire: to be happy. Everything else was secondary. So when we did something, we did it with all our heart and soul because we were driven by happiness. Everything became meaningful!

As we grow up, we learn more and more, and our minds are flooded with all kinds of thoughts! We think about things a lot, and when we start a new job, we think about it a lot too. But when we think about what benefits the work will bring us, we can make it a task. And when we think and act like this, we can make it a shortcut to fame and profit! It's exhausting just to think about it!

You can never truly see yourself if you're living in the eyes of others.

Everyone in this world is unique, with their own amazing temperaments and personalities! It's so important to remember that you have no right to say which personality type is right and which is wrong. What others say about you is that you are honest and willing to work hard, which is a great thing to be proud of!

This is your strength, and you should be proud of it! The ability to work is like when we were at school. There were those who were good at studying and those who weren't. But this is not absolute. It's not that if you're good at studying, you'll always be good at it, and if you're not good at studying, you'll never get any better.

If you want to learn well and are willing to work hard, you will absolutely surpass those who are better at learning than you! The same goes for work ability. You don't need to compare yourself to this or that. If you feel that you are not as good as others, then just find ways to work hard, improve, and learn!

Believe in yourself and go for it! There's nothing you can't do as long as you're willing to put in the work. And don't worry about what others think. When you work hard and get results, they'll see that you're the one to beat!

And now for the final word!

Remember: there are only three things in life, and they're all amazing!

Your own business, other people's business, and the will of heaven. That's what matters!

I really hope you can do your own thing!

And the best part is, you don't even need to ask about other people's business!

As for the affairs of heaven, it is totally useless for you to ask!

For the people you don't care about, I really hope you can!

I really, really hope you can!

Embrace new things and people with open arms!

Good day. I can perceive the predicament you are currently facing. You endeavor to be accountable in all your endeavors, yet your interpersonal relationships remain deficient. How might you enhance this aspect of your life? You have a diminished sense of accomplishment in your professional endeavors and perceive yourself to be lacking in the ability to navigate interpersonal relationships effectively. You are not content with yourself and experience feelings of irritation and anxiety. I can comprehend your sentiments.

Your strengths are evident in your conscientiousness, responsibility, and upright character, as well as your willingness to work hard. In comparison to employees with the same seniority, you possess abilities that they lack. These are your own advantages, which contribute to your long-term career stability. It is essential that you recognize your own advantages and provide yourself with more affirmation.

The renowned psychologist Wu Zhihong posited that "how one treats others reflects one's own heart, and how others treat you reflects their own heart. This is called projection. How others treat you is what you teach them, and how you treat others is what they teach you. This is called identification."

Our interpersonal relationships are characterized by projection and identification. The assertion is made that interpersonal relationships have a low tolerance for mistakes and that it is difficult to be forgiven once a mistake has been made. Is this a universal phenomenon in the workplace? For example, is this also the case when those who are glib-tongued make a mistake?

The questioner may benefit from exploring whether it is others who are reluctant to forgive, or whether the questioner themselves are unable to forgive themselves, which in turn leads to the assumption that others will not forgive. It may be helpful for the questioner to engage in self-awareness and gain a deeper understanding of their own thoughts and feelings.

You indicate that your expectations management is inadequate, and that you consistently undertake a multitude of tasks at the outset, leaving minimal opportunity for improvement at a later stage. This suggests a lack of forward planning for your career. It is recommended that you develop long-term, short-term, and immediate plans for yourself. For instance, if you undertake a substantial amount of work at the outset with minimal scope for improvement later, it would be beneficial to utilise the follow-up time to enhance your interpersonal skills.

I would like to inform the questioner that the act of doing things is relatively simple, but the ability to interact with others is the most challenging aspect of human existence. It is evident that the questioner desires to enhance his interpersonal skills through action, yet due to his lack of exceptional qualities, he is distressed by his inability to provide greater emotional value and is primarily concerned about his interpersonal relationships.

It is evident that you aspire to achieve a breakthrough in your career and interpersonal relationships, transcend your own limitations, enhance your abilities, and attain a more profound sense of value and accomplishment.

It is recommended that the questioner undertake an objective evaluation of their own abilities, taking into account both their strengths and limitations. Both the questioner and the more experienced professionals have skills that are necessary for survival in the workplace. It is notable that the latter have developed the ability to communicate effectively, which is in part due to their ability to adapt to different situations.

It is hoped that the questioner will be able to identify more of their own strengths, adopt a more positive attitude towards themselves, accept their own shortcomings, modify those aspects of their behaviour that they can, pursue further studies, enhance their comprehensive abilities, expand their business scope, learn from colleagues whose communication skills they admire in interpersonal relationships, and adopt a more assertive stance in the workplace. It is important to accept the inherent characteristics of one's personality, as a lack of characteristics can also be a characteristic in itself. Even if one does not possess any characteristics, they remain worthy of recognition and are still an important part of the functioning of their unit. By accepting themselves more, they will feel more comfortable.

It is this author's recommendation that readers peruse Wu Zhihong's books, "You Are the Answer" and "Thank Yourself for Your Imperfection." Doing so will facilitate the acquisition of knowledge regarding the means of living one's unique self.

It is my sincere hope that you will soon be able to overcome your difficulties and that you will receive the best of fortunes in the process.

At the outset, you undertake a great many tasks. At this juncture, what are your core beliefs and values?

In my clinical experience, there are generally some ideas like: cultivate good relationships. Act friendly and do a lot, so that others can see me and it is conducive to building relationships. Because I can do this, it will bring me more opportunities.

These views, which are outward-focused, indicate a desire to relate to more people.

I want to be affirmed. However, my views are somewhat contradictory: I need a lot of people to confirm me, confirm my value, and affirm my existence.

The emotions associated with this type of thinking are: a fear of being ignored, a fear of being rejected, and a desire to be seen.

In this situation, I will also unconsciously take on too much work. It is unlikely that everyone will have the same opinion of you, and it is also unlikely that everyone will do things in the same way.

To illustrate, I inadvertently took a colleague's package yesterday, and today another colleague will inquire about its whereabouts or why I did not bring it up.

This is a problematic situation, taking on more than can be reasonably expected, and there is never any satisfaction. This aligns with the second state you mentioned.

There is minimal room for improvement and a low tolerance for interpersonal relationships. Once a mistake is made, it is challenging to be forgiven.

You took action, but the individual with whom you are in conflict may respond in a way that you perceive as negative. You may feel that they do not even acknowledge you. This can lead to feelings of isolation and alienation, which can further exacerbate the situation. Once a mistake is made, it can be challenging to receive forgiveness.

3. The work performed is not creative. It is simply physically diligent and mentally lazy. It appears that a great deal of work is being done, but much of it is repetitive and low-value. Work that is not creative brings limited collective value, so it is difficult to develop interpersonal relationships through work.

It appears that you have set higher standards for yourself and anticipate further growth, yet you are constrained by your own capabilities. You aim to innovate, but you lack the qualifications to undertake the tasks associated with innovation.

It appears to be a kind of "value exchange" interpersonal relationship, in which both parties benefit and assist each other. Since your work lacks a certain degree of creativity, you take on more repetitive tasks to maintain the current interpersonal relationship.

This kind of maintenance seems to be a significant drain on your resources. There also appears to be a sense of crisis in this kind of relationship, due to its replaceable nature, lack of innovation, and limited emotional value.

While it may appear somewhat disheartening, there is a clear trajectory in place.

4. Personality traits lack characteristics. Historically, feedback has indicated that I am honest and willing to work. This trait can provide work value, but it is difficult to provide emotional value.

This is your opinion, but is it necessarily comprehensive? Is it necessarily correct?

It is not a comparable situation. We have previously observed the portrayal of different characters on television with varying personalities. Despite their differences, they interact amicably and serve to illustrate the characters and advance the plot.

Similarly,

You believe you are honest, hardworking, and capable of providing value at work. That is acceptable, but can you not provide emotional value?

I believe the issue may not be that it is not the way you expect it to be, but rather that the emotional value does not come from the leader calling you into his office, closing the curtains and the door, and saying something to you.

Delegating some related work to you, trusting that you can complete it well, may have emotional value in itself. I believe you can complete it. You have demonstrated that you are upright and willing to work hard.

5. Currently, I am still in the phase of performing fundamental tasks and acquiring knowledge. In comparison to employees with the same tenure, I possess certain competencies and am able to undertake tasks that they are not. However, in the presence of senior employees, these abilities appear ordinary and the value of the work provided is devalued. This has resulted in a lack of distinctive personal characteristics in the eyes of others. Despite my reliability, I am perceived as less polished than an experienced professional.

This is also a form of self-awareness, coupled with a sense of urgency and anticipation. There is an emotional component to this.

I am currently experiencing a sense of crisis, as I feel my work is very basic. I am not irreplaceable.

I believe I can perform better and be utilized more frequently to enhance my professional growth.

I feel aggrieved. I have completed a task, but it has not been acknowledged. Could it be that I am not as articulate as others?

I am dissatisfied with my performance and the status quo, which is causing me significant discomfort.

In essence, yes.

Strategy: Have the courage to implement changes where possible and accept the limitations of the situation.

Everyone is valuable. No one is a jack of all trades, which is why we live in a world where we can serve each other.

I can foster connections, but doing so does not necessitate ingratiation. If there is an ingratiation aspect, it is imperative to address the underlying issues associated with low self-worth.

I can interact with others in a friendly manner, but that does not entail assuming responsibilities that are not within my scope of expertise. I can express gratitude and acknowledge mistakes.

Furthermore, accept gratitude and apologies from others.

Perform the task at hand to the best of your ability, then consider trying something new. Accept the current situation and allow for a certain degree of failure.

It is recommended that you seek the guidance of a counselor to discuss these issues in more detail. Once you have achieved a state of inner peace and stability, you will be in a better position to make decisions.

What kind of "good" interpersonal relationship does the questioner want? Is it being well-known by everyone when your name is mentioned, or the feeling of being taken care of like a "moon surrounded by stars"?

If expectations aren't managed right, people will always try to do too much at the start, leaving little room for improvement later. There's also not much tolerance for interpersonal relationships. Once a mistake is made, it's tough to be forgiven.

What kind of expectations does the questioner have? What's the connection between doing a lot at the beginning with little room for improvement afterwards?

Does the phrase "low tolerance for interpersonal relationships" refer to oneself or to others? I think the questioner is talking about himself, but the phrase "once you make a mistake, it's hard to be forgiven" seems to suggest that the questioner is talking about others' low tolerance for interpersonal relationships. So, once he makes a mistake, others won't forgive him.

Maybe because the original poster did a lot of things really well, people around him or her thought you could do a lot of things really well too.

If someone's not doing as much as they usually do but doing it really well, the people around them might think you made a "low-level mistake" on purpose or feel you should be expected to do better because you're so capable.

2. "The work you do isn't creative. It's physically demanding and mentally lazy. You do a lot, but most of it is repetitive and low-value work. Work that isn't creative doesn't bring much value to the collective, so it's difficult to develop interpersonal relationships through work."

What kind of work does the questioner do? Do they think that if the work is creative and the value created for the collective is high, the interpersonal relationships will be good?

If the value I create for the group is high, I can think of the possibility that it may attract more people's attention. But what kind of interpersonal relationships it can bring about is beyond me. Maybe everyone will be enthusiastic about you on the surface, but actually avoid you? After all, there is more of a competitive relationship between colleagues.

3. "My personality traits could be more distinctive. In the past, people have told me that I'm honest and willing to work. This can be a valuable trait in a job, but it's not always the most emotionally engaging."

What personality traits does the OP think he lacks? And what kind of "personality traits" do you think can provide emotional value?

What kind of emotional value does the questioner want? How do you want the people around you to treat you?

If you mess up, can you get forgiveness easily?

4. "Right now, I'm still in the early stages of my career, learning the ropes. Compared to my colleagues at the same level, I have certain skills and can do some things they can't. But when I'm around senior employees, it feels like my abilities don't matter. The value of my work is overlooked. This has made it hard for me to stand out. I'm responsible, but I don't have the polished confidence of an experienced pro."

This paragraph makes it seem like the questioner is saying that they don't have any "obvious personal characteristics." Maybe they feel like they're too similar to their colleagues, so they can't make a deeper impression on the people around them. Compared to the experienced professionals,

If that's the case, the questioner probably wants to make a big impression on people and may need to do something that "exceeds" the normal range of most people. In other words, it's either done really well or really poorly.

It seems like the OP wants to achieve his "distinctive personal characteristics" by doing a "very good" job, but due to certain factors, he's unable to do a "very good" job at this stage. He still wants to achieve that result, though—to make a deep impression on others. So he's feeling a bit depressed.

It would be a good idea for the questioner to figure out what they want, using the "obvious personal characteristics" you mentioned, and then make adjustments.

Finally, I just want to say that the questioner has some pretty obvious personal characteristics. It's just that your obvious personal characteristics aren't what you want. And the interpersonal relationships you expect to gain through it may just be what you imagine you want, not what you really need.

I really hope my reply helps!

From the message, we can see that the questioner is facing some challenges in their workplace relationships. It's clear that they've already taken the time to think deeply about this and have done a lot of self-reflection. Based on what they've shared, I'm hoping to offer some insights and ideas that might help them think about their relationships in a new way and find more ways to improve them.

1. Let's try letting go of some of your expectations and management, and shifting from "full steam ahead" to "one step at a time."

As you can see from the first part, the questioner has high expectations of herself, always doing a lot at the beginning. This approach

On the one hand, it might make it harder to be open and honest with others, as the questioner has found. It can be tough to forgive ourselves when we make mistakes.

I also feel that the questioner may be feeling a lot of pressure in this part. I totally get it! Trying to give your all to multiple tasks at once can be really hard. It takes a lot of energy to manage your goals, and it can also be an invisible drain on you. This can make it feel like there's not much room for improvement in the future, and it can even lead to more mistakes.

A high start and a low finish is pretty boring, right? But a low start and a high finish is pretty amazing!

Since you've already realized that this might be one of the obstacles to your interpersonal relationships, you might want to try changing tactics and achieving your work tasks one step at a time. As they say, "less is more." This is also applicable in many situations in the workplace.

Give yourself a break! You've got this! Take the time to figure out a work process that suits your rhythm best.

2. The nature of the work may limit the expansion of interpersonal relationships, but it certainly can't limit the flow of true feelings between people!

The questioner has a clear insight into the nature of his work: "It seems that I do a lot of work, but it is mostly repetitive and low-value work. Work that is not creative has limited collective value." It's so great that the questioner has this clear insight into the nature of his work!

With this insight, we're going to focus on "collective values."

It's true that collective values can sometimes feel limited or even stifled without a bit of creative thinking. But there's still a chance for individuals to connect with each other in even the most uninspiring work content.

I know this might sound a little vague, but I'd love to try to explain it a bit more with a few examples from everyday work life:

A typical workday is eight hours long, and the commute to and from work and the lunch break are the best times to build personal relationships. Meeting colleagues in the elevator, taking a break to go to the bathroom or the pantry to relax and catch your breath, and chatting about gossip over lunch are all great ways to get to know people at work.

It's so important to build good relationships with your colleagues. You'd be surprised how much a simple greeting, a kind gesture, or even a casual chat can do to start a connection. It's not about the work itself, but about creating a space in the workplace where people feel supported and heard.

Third, don't forget that personality traits and work characteristics are really important. And don't underestimate the impact of personal speech, manner, communication habits, and interaction patterns either!

The questioner has a keen awareness and insight into the work itself, which they explained in detail in the third part.

The shortcoming described in the message may indeed be one of the shortcomings, but as a rich individual, people have their own diversity. Looking beyond work itself, a person's speech and mannerisms, communication habits, interpersonal interaction patterns, etc., are also a reflection of the person.

It's not necessarily related to seniority or work ability, but improving and maintaining interpersonal relationships is so important! If you want to optimize your shortcomings, you are undoubtedly taking the thankless route.

Maybe you could try finding a different way to use your strengths and expertise.

Integrity and willingness to work are great qualities to have! It would be really helpful to think about how we can incorporate this into our interpersonal interaction model and provide emotional value.

For example, you can use the advantage that you can do some things that employees with the same seniority as you cannot do. If they need help, you can cheerfully offer your assistance to help them improve their work skills, which will strengthen your relationships with them. Compared to employees with more seniority, you are lacking in some areas, so you can kindly ask them for advice on professional issues. You can also take this as an opportunity to invite them to dinner together to interact and get to know each other better.

The heart of any relationship is human interaction, not work ability.

I truly believe that if we increase this part of the interaction and make appropriate adjustments in a timely manner based on feedback, it will make improving interpersonal relationships much easier.

I really hope this sharing can bring you some inspiration!

I'm a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. I don't explore human nature, but I do care about the human heart. I wish you well!

Hello! I'm Pingting Yin.

You understand yourself well.

You've done a great job analyzing your own problems.

With awareness and introspection, you can reflect and change.

Regarding the three points mentioned by the questioner:

Expectations management

Work is not creative. It has low collective value and is difficult to develop interpersonal relationships.

My personality lacks character, making it difficult for me to provide emotional value to others.

We need to analyze these three points.

?

The questioner is responsible, self-aware, and has high expectations.

Your colleagues have high expectations of you and don't forgive mistakes. Is that right? (Feedback is welcome.)

Split your expectations into personal and others.

It's important to express your feelings.

In a team, cooperation leads to a win-win, but tasks also represent a commitment to responsibility.

We can lower our expectations and only do what we can.

?

The work is mostly mechanical repetition with little flexibility.

Your colleagues are doing the same repetitive work, making it difficult to build closer relationships.

Your ability matters at work, but it doesn't define the team. Just be yourself! It's impressive to have friends at work.

?

In his eyes, his personality is unusual. This is just what others think. We must find our own sparkle.

We can't change how we feel about ourselves.

We do our jobs well and take responsibility.

Interpersonal relationships are about how we get along with others and express emotions.

Focus on yourself.

Work is mechanical repetition. Self-worth and collective value don't give us a sense of belonging. We're distant from colleagues, and we can't build closer relationships.

Any tips?

Take care of yourself.

② Don't expect too much from yourself and don't let others' expectations affect you.

You can also do more group activities. You'll get to know others better and build better relationships.

Be yourself and find your value.

Recommended reading: "Nonviolent Communication."

I hope my ideas can help you! You can also give me feedback.

I love you! ?

Best wishes!

Xiaowan's response:

1. [Distinguish between boundaries] It is important to understand the distinction between the boundaries of the two areas of work and socializing. These are two separate domains, analogous to the border between two countries, and they should not be conflated.

It is the responsibility of every employee to come to work and perform their duties in a satisfactory manner. It is important to remember that, in the majority of cases, employees work primarily for themselves and that others will not necessarily have a favorable impression of them just because they are responsible.

If you wish to enhance your interpersonal relationships, it would be advisable to begin with your social skills. Similarly, if you are seeking a promotion or a pay rise, it would be prudent to start with your work skills.

2. What is the simplest and most basic way to improve my social skills? The answer is to be kind to others.

It is challenging to gain forgiveness for mistakes when one has not made a positive impression on the relevant individuals. People often adopt a formal or strict demeanor when interacting with those they perceive as unfriendly or unprofessional.

One simple way to be kind to people is to keep smiling.

"Always wear a smile." A smile is your outward expression of friendliness. When you begin to exude a friendly magnetic field, you will attract more people who are friendly to you. You mentioned a polished professional. What is such a person like at work? We will not discuss this because it is not your area of confusion.

It is clear that he is highly regarded socially. It would be beneficial to observe his typical manner of speaking and conduct, and to identify the qualities you admire.

Dear

It is essential to undertake a comprehensive analysis of one's strengths and weaknesses, to define clear improvement goals, and to offer oneself encouragement and support at the outset. During the analysis process, it becomes possible to conduct a detailed and objective evaluation of one's own attributes and behaviours. This enables the identification of attitudes and behaviours that are conducive to achieving results and driving progress. In this context, it is valuable to recognise that a serious and responsible approach to work is an attitude that is beneficial for effective task completion and forward movement.

It is recommended that you undertake a comprehensive analysis of your strengths and weaknesses, as well as a clear delineation of your improvement goals. Following this, I will offer you a compliment. In particular, during the analysis process, you have conducted a meticulous examination of the situation. As you have correctly identified, you possess a conscientious and responsible attitude in your work, which is undoubtedly beneficial in facilitating the completion of tasks and driving progress.

It is important to note that there is a weak correlation between work methods and interpersonal relationships. This implies that there is no direct cause-and-effect relationship between work and interpersonal relationships. In other words, there is no necessary link between conscientiousness and improved interpersonal relationships.

Interpersonal relationships are defined as interactions between individuals. From an external perspective, there are numerous apparent contradictions in the manifestations of attraction, resistance, cooperation, competition, leadership, and obedience. However, the underlying logic suggests that psychological distance, personality tendencies, and emotional projection play a significant role.

Interpersonal relationships are defined as interactions between individuals. From an external perspective, there are numerous instances where seemingly contradictory yet reasonable manifestations of attraction, resistance, cooperation, competition, leadership, and obedience emerge. However, the underlying logic suggests that psychological distance, personality traits, and emotional projection play a significant role. In essence, the quality of one's relationship with another individual is not solely determined by their capabilities but rather by the extent to which they share similar aspirations and engage in emotional interactions. This concept is commonly referred to as a "good match" or a "connection."

To enhance one's interpersonal relationships, it is essential to ascertain the optimal direction to pursue. It is inevitable that not everyone will hold positive sentiments towards an individual, and even the renminbi cannot be universally adored. Consequently, it is unwise to establish implausible objectives for oneself. In the workplace, there is a greater emphasis on collaboration than empathy. Therefore, it is prudent to delineate boundaries, conduct oneself in a commendable manner, demonstrate flexibility while maintaining resolve, and never compromise one's principles in the pursuit of interpersonal relationships.

It is imperative to consider the target. Inevitably, there will be conflicts of interest and intertwined relationships at work. Therefore, it is unwise to yield unquestioningly for the sake of relationships. Real life is not a novel or a script. Apart from cultivating relationships and discussing background, work performance and strength are the foundation for the ascension of ordinary people. Therefore, it is prudent to reflect before acting, to be outwardly gentle but inwardly firm, and to possess forbearance and ruthlessness, which are the most important character qualities for advancement in the workplace. When one hesitates to make a decision, one is disturbed by the consequences. If one blindly submits and acts in a subservient manner, being a kind person all the time, it will not bring the desired good fortune, but instead one will become a mere convenience and be reduced to mediocrity. It is also important to pay attention to the methods and approaches, to learn the corresponding concepts, and to draw on the cases in the workplace, which will facilitate growth.

It is recommended that the following texts be consulted: Influence and The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. The former text addresses the topic of interpersonal relationships, while the latter text focuses on the improvement of one's own performance.